I recently became engaged to my girlfriend (she asked me), but I haven't been completely truthful with her. We're planning on moving in together in January, so I feel I need to tell her all of the things I haven't, but I feel so ashamed. I haven't graduated from college and I'm in some financial trouble. I love her with all of my heart and I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid this may turn things upside down. I know to be truthful and all of that, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2006-11-14 01:28:46 · 17 answers · asked by Nick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've taken the necessary steps to get myself out of financial trouble (NOT BANKRUPTCY!!!!!), and I am working as mcuh as possible to save money to go back to school.
2006-11-14 01:31:29 · update #1
Also, I know that I should just tell her, but how is my main question, i.e. premises, etc.
2006-11-14 01:32:23 · update #2
A relationship based on a lie will never last.
Tell her.................
2006-11-14 01:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with her now before you commit further by moving in together. If she finds out later that you've been hiding this from her she may feel like she will never be able to trust you. I know it's not an easy situation as we all like to put the best foot forward but 'coming clean' now may show her that you're actually a good person that has made some mistakes, just like the rest of us.
As far as how to tell her...this evening sit down and just tell her straight out exactly what you've told us. Make sure it's just the two of you and there are no distractions. You can't sugar coat this or make it easy but your forthrightness will mean a lot to her. If she gets angry, give her time to think it over and I'll bet she'll be back on your doorstep. Good luck, you've got all of Yahoo Answers behind you!
2006-11-14 01:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will appreciate your honesty and if she truly loves you it won't matter to her. You are doing your best to work through your problems and that is the best anyone can do. The best thing to do is to have a talk with her in a private quiet place where you two can focus on each other. I think you will be happily surprised that she will accept you just the way you are. If she doesn't, it's better to know now. Be sure to emphasize the things you are doing to correct your problems. If you 2 are going to spend your lives together this will not be the only hurdle you 2 have to face. Best to see how she deals with it now than wait until you are married.
2006-11-14 01:48:27 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you need to talk, sit her down in a quiet place and let her know that you want to get some things off of your chest. You can tell her that you were to embarrassed to tell her before and that you want her to know the truth before she makes any commitments that are permanent. She may dump you, but that is a risk you have to be willing to accept, because these things will come out later and if they do, she will never believe a thing you say.
2006-11-14 01:34:35 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loves u (which she obviously does) then these things won't matter to her. She will appreciate your honesty and openness. If for some reason these issues affect how she feels about u then do u really want to spend the rest of your life with her? Definitely tell her before u move in with her. Your past is your past and the fact that u are willing to share "everything" with her should only bring u closer. :-)
2006-11-14 01:34:11 · answer #5 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man best thing is to set her down and just tell her what is going on. If you don't have honsty in a relationship there won't be any relationship in the end. Tell her and let her deside if she wants to get involved with your problems she just might love you enough to help you out
2006-11-14 01:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by Kat S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to be truthful. And my guess is if she really loves you for who you are. She will be upset that you initially lied, however, she will be grateful in the end that you came clean. You should tell her the truth and get it over with, she will eventually find out anyway. If she finds out on her own, that would be far worse. I think she will eventually appreciate your honesty. Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-14 01:32:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just sit her down and tell her. If she leaves you because you didn't finish college or because you have a little debt that you have already started taking care of, that means she don't love you anyway. Just make sure you tell her, cause if you wait she's going to find out anyway when y'all move in together.
2006-11-14 01:44:32 · answer #8 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you can hide all of this from her after marriage? If you want your marriage to have any chance to really succeed then you need to sit down with her and confess all of it.
Actually at this point you should have already been honest. If you don't come clean with everything she will never be able to trust you in any matter.
2006-11-14 01:33:45 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, you are not in troubles, she could be more angry with you if what you have to tell her was about you being unfaithful.... if she really loves you she will understands you and help you with that. So get the courage and talk to her. Good luck.
2006-11-14 01:38:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love hr like you say you do money shouldn't hold you back. but since you too or now going to be commetited to one another , you need to tell her everything, even if it's just little small things, good luck on your marriage.
2006-11-14 01:36:01 · answer #11 · answered by babycakes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋