Thanksgiving Dilemma: In-LAws coming?

Question

My husbands mother is coming and he has his brothers that recently moved to our area that are coming as well. One brother has 5 children which arent his and the other brother is just weird ( he was incarcerated from 13-18). I am dreading the actual day because we are very different my family is educated and we have goals in life while his( except his mother) prefers to live off tax payers dollars. How do I get past this with out going crazy the only thing I have to look forward to is my granmother coming and I can display for her the many things I am greatful for that she has showed me as a child. They want ribs and barbeque food and I am a more traditional person. Please give me an insight. Their will be 23 people at my house more than half are kids. How do I keep other peoples kids in control as well?

My husband invited his brother with the 5 kids over to "discuss" the menu and that is when the barbewue came up. My husband doesnt care that they are the way they ar. Then he suggests that they go shopping with us so we can spit the bills( they will have to wait because they are paying with food stamps) i dont k\normally work that way am I being stuck up?

P.S. HIs mother doesnt cook and I dont trust anyone elses cooking on his side and my sister who is coming can't cook

Answer 1

1st thing: Breathe! You'll get through this & have some great memories in a few years.

Next, don't be embarressed for your in-laws. It's not YOUR fault they are the way they are. Your parents/family KNOW this.

Regarding the kids, plan on doing a children's table. 2 reasons: keep them seperate from the adults so you can have "grown up conversations" and you can use that same table for activities such as puzzles, games, crafts, etc.

For the menu: Tell them that you had planned on traditional Thanksgiving dinner. If they would like to make & bring barbeque, that would be great! Then both families can share what they consider traditional.

Have fun! Remember this won't be the only time the families get together. Make the best of it!

Answer 2

Wow! What a nightmare! Just remember that it's only for one day. Since the celebration is in your home, I say that you serve your menu. If they aren't happy with this, they need not attend or perhaps they can bring whatever they would like to add to the dinner list. Just think of this as a cultural experience. As for all the kids.....well, I'm not too sure. Have each family bring a child friendly movie for everyone to watch. Or ask one of the adults to be in charge of activities to keep the children occupied. And do not be afraid to tell the children when they are doing something that you do not approve of. For example, jumping on furniture, running indoors, shouting or screaming. Good luck!

You also might want to put any precious belongings up out of harms way.

Answer 3

Reality check for most of you. Stop kissing this womans *** and call her what she is, which is a stuck up snob. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but anybody who rags on someone else because they have 5 kids that are not biologically theirs is just an idiot.

I have 5 kids, two of them are stepchildren and the other three we adopted. If someone was to ***** at me because I have 5 kids, I always like to ask how many kids they have adopted and helped out, and the answer is always zero, because they are too frigging selfish.

If having family over means anything to you, then you accept them flaws and all and just work around whatever difficulties you have, but if having everything exactly your way is what you want to do then by all means do it with only those you want to invite and don't submit the others to your holier-than-thou attitude.

Peace, out.

Answer 4

I will pray for you cause girl...you are gonna have your hands full! if they want to bring something that they have a taste for, fine let them bring it. but if you are planning a traditional meal they will have to accept that. have plenty of activities for the kids or tell the parents to allow their kids to bring ONE thing that they want to share with the other kids. This way the kids bring the toys. you dont need to wack your brain on what toys to provide the children. ASSIGN duties! this is very important and will help things run smoothly. one person entertains the kids the next helps cook the next helps set the table one or two help wash dishes or in your case with so many people I would just buy paper plates so you have no clean up. and whatever you do, don't let the men just sit all huddled doing nothing they can help clean up and dump the trash and they can play with the kids outside while you are inside. you can even have the men play games outside with the kids. you have to let us know how everything works out. ! good luck

Answer 5

Yes, Renee C. answered wonderfully. I would just add that a friend had this issue a couple of years ago and she got through it by having some games for the adults and kids, making place markers for every family member, and having a kids table. I think she even got little goody bags for the kids with interesting little games, coloring activities, etc. based on age.

Hope this works out for you. Good Luck. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer 6

That is a problem. Do you have a fenced yard for the kids? Give them something simple like hot dogs and let them be outside if you can. Have adults take turns watching them. (If discipline is needed, let the parents of that child take care of it). As for the rest, I don't think you can control the direction of conversation, but if something should happen, take control and say.. or better your husband say "we don't allow arguing in this house". Talk sports or something. Your house, your dinner. Fix what you want. If they don't like it, maybe you won't have to have such a large crowd next time.
Make the best of it, and don't lose your "cool".

Answer 7

i don't think of this is ordinary to co-mingle households at Thanksgiving dinner. truthfully i've got considered it lots. If everybody is into the spirit of the trip, or a minimum of independent and desirous to sit down down back, it incredibly works effective. that's way less perplexing than on the brazenly non secular or political trip journeys. everybody is familiar with thankfulness. Who is familiar with, people would desire to connect in unpredicted techniques and grow to be buddies. The family contributors traces are a distinctive situation, nevertheless. i think of that's an argument of your judgment: will the stress be skipped over, be stated amicably, or grow to be a bad dispute that ruins the trip. I haven't any thank you to comprehend, yet if you consider which you and your sister have been conversing concerning the strained relationship, perhaps you would be waiting to make this artwork?

Answer 8

Eat early. You said it yourself, the only good thing is that you will get to see
your grandma, so focus on that. Try not to let the rest of the drama bother
you. This is what family is......especially extended family. It is a test. Just
smile and nod. Before you know it the day will be over and you can start
looking forward to Christmas. LOL just kidding. Humour helps.

Answer 9

Don't worry about the kids. People need to take care of their own kids. Set that expectation with the families before they arrive.

As far as the families getting along... if you can figure out how to do that. Write a book. You'll be rich.

My wife and I have told our families that we love each other, and they need to figure out how to get along, because they'll be family for the rest of our lives whether they like it or not.

It's an interesting feeling to chastise your parents, but I've had to do that when my parents are acting like children. If my mom and her mom get at each other, I treat them like I would treat my daughter. I call them on it, ask them to shape up or shut up and tell them that I won't tolerate their bickering in my house.

It makes for an uncomfortable few minutes, but try to change the subject to something fun. The uncomfortable feeling will subside shortly.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I was going to answer this, but Renee C did a fantastic job.

If it were me, I'd kid-proof the house - that's a lot of kids. I'd make sure I had lots for them to do.

As for food, cook what you want. Let them know you're planning a traditional meal - if that's what you want to serve. (If they don't like it, they're welcome to bring BBQ from local take-out, etc.).

It's only a few hours. Just take a couple deep breaths, grit your teeth and smile. When it's all over, treat yourself to a nice big margarita and a bubble bath.

Good luck!