I have just found out about my husband affair with a Shanghainese girl. This affair has been going on for about 2 years behind my back despite my suspicions and queries about it from me. Now that the truth is out, he has ended the affair and now wants me to give him a chance to repent and make it up to me for the lost years. Should I give him that chance? I can't make up my mind eventhough deep down I still love him but the hurt is so great whenever I think of him and his mistress. Not to mention the lies he told me whenever I questioned him. Please help!!
2006-11-14 00:43:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's been having an affair for 2 yrs with NO sign of guilt or remorse...and all the sudden because he gets caught he does an about face? i don't think so.
if you feel you can work it out..by all means go to counselling and try. but keep a TIGHT rein on that man!
personally, id kick his @ss to the curb. if my husband disrespected me for THAT long and put me in potential harm from a disease...id be done with him.
2006-11-14 01:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're still confused and you feel like you truly do love him leave him for 2 months. Take away everything that reminds you of him, change your number, tell him that it will only be for 2 mths. Within those 2 mths you cannot make contact with him...hang out with your girlfriends, do anything but think of him. Pretend as if you and him are truly over or even that he never existed. try as hard as you can and when you are tempted to call him unplug ur phone. If you can make it past these 2 mths you can definitely live without him. Time heals everything and personally once a cheater always a cheater, that is a trust issue that you can never gain back...plus there are so many better men out there who wont cheat on you and probably make you happier...make an independent move here!
2006-11-14 09:00:49 · answer #2 · answered by Nat Rose 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must listen to your mind and your heart in this matter. You have been lied to and cheated on for 2 years....only you can decide if you can forgive this man. I'm sure your self esteem has suffered in this. I would say to take care of yourself first this time. If you want to try to work it out, you should seek counseling. A third party who is neutral in the situation can really help to work things through. If you can't put it behind you it will never work. Think about your future and if you are willing to risk being put through this again. If you stay with him it's a real possibility. Be true to yourself...that's the best advise I can give.
2006-11-14 00:53:40 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one knows your husband better then you. When you married it was "for better or for worse". However, he broke the those very vows by not being faithful to you. Love takes two. You cannot make your marriage last by yourself. I would suggest that you and your husband get some marriage counseling. I know it's cliche but if both of you are willing to forgive and move forward, then do it. Whenever you have a partner who has cheated, your relationship is not the same. You CAN heal and forgive but the memories are still there. It will be difficult, and ultimately, it's up to you.
2006-11-14 00:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by jaz78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should forgive him even though he had an affair for two years. If you want to try an work out your marriage tell him that you all will have to start back over with the marriage and go get some help for the both of you'll. He will also have to make up for lost time if he's willing to try, give he another chance and tell him this is the last time and if it don't work you will leave him. If you all have any kids don't stop him from seeing them, just pray to god and mean it an he will answer your pray.
2006-11-14 00:56:12 · answer #5 · answered by koma31 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It would be one thing if he had just a one night stand, but 2 years continuously?! He only ended it because he got caught. If the marraige is fairly new and you REALLY want to make it work, then both need counseling. Good Luck and go with you gut instinct on this one.... :)
2006-11-14 00:48:27 · answer #6 · answered by cajunpalomino 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is a support group called "Affair Discovery and Recovery" at http://www.network54.com/Index/32374
It's free, it's anonymous, and you will find links to great resources as well as like minded people trying to recover from affairs. My wife and I are four years past her infidelity, and I give this site a great deal of credit for helping us save our marraige and for her to turn her life around.
2006-11-14 00:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lied to you even when you asked him directly about it. That's a very bad sign. He lied to you for two straight years. You need to decide right now if you're willing to stay with somebody who's going to lie to you - because he IS going to continue to lie to you. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make him honest. If he's a dishonest person, that's just who he is. Either accept the fact that you're spending your life with a dishonest person or move on, but don't waste one ounce of your energy trying to change him.
2006-11-14 00:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
both of you grew to grow to be one. it really is what God says about marriages, and that is what you're experiencing. a million Corinthians 7 talks about marriage and divorce; in case you or your husband are not a believer in Christ, then you may enable him flow. if you're both Christian, stay mutually. "To the married I provide this command (not I, besides the undeniable fact that the Lord): A spouse ought to not become independent from her husband. yet when she does, she ought to proceed to be unmarried preferably be reconciled to her husband. And a husband ought to not divorce his spouse. (7:10-11)" "yet when the unbeliever leaves, enable him income this. A believing guy or woman isn't certain in such circumstances (7:15)"
2016-11-29 03:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it were me id be gone. the trust would be gone. i couldnt be with someone i didnt trust 100%. it just wouldnt work. once a cheat always a cheat. or so they say, anyway.as for you, you need to decide if you could really trust him again, or if every time he leaves the house are you going to think that hes going to see his mistress? this wouldnt be a healthy way of living and it could even make you sick. if thats the case, then i wouldnt recommend it. be strong, be healthy and good luck.
2006-11-14 00:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by beb27 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋