My best friend just came out of the closet to his mother and told her he is gay. He is married with three kids and is getting a divorce for many, many different reasons...not just because he is gay. That is another issue....The point is I have known him for 16 years and always suspected he was gay. He doesnt know I know that he admitted he is gay. He is going through a rough time and I want to tell him I know he is gay so I can let him know I support him 100%. Is it rude to let him know I know when he hasnt told me yet? Should I wait until he brings it up or should I just tell him I know? I think maybe he is not telling me because he is afraid I will feel differently about him but I want him to know I support him.
2006-11-14 00:05:14 · 20 answers · asked by babyj248 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Just to clear it up, it doesnt matter to me if he is gay or not. The only reason I am asking your help is because I know he is struggling with this and I want to be there for him and I cannot do that if he doesnt want me to know what it is that is bothering him.
2006-11-14 00:13:40 · update #1
First of all I think it is awesome that you are such a good friend to him and will support him no matter what!!! Some people would just turn their backs on their friend if they found out something like that, which i think is ridiculous. I think that you should tell him that you have suspected for a long time that he is gay and would just like to know if it was true. Then just tell him that you will be there for him with anything he needs..a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, or just emotional support...Good Luck
2006-11-14 00:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think that when the time is right, he will come out and tell you, hes just not ready yet, in a way it would b good to sa that u no, but then another way will be better left alone, ok so just think about it b 4 yu say anything, he may have many reasons as to why he doesn't want you to no, its a very personal thing 4 him, an this should be respected, i to have a mate who is gay and he dont no that i no, and i just leave it for when he feels is the right time to trust me fully, we are best mates an have been 4 nearly 11 years now,
2006-11-14 08:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by louise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be eaiser in the long run. If he told his mother he's probably planning to persue the lifestyle, and if he's been married up to this point (with the additional problems of dealing with at some point maybe telling his children) he could likely do with the support.
In the short term, if he's stressed out already? I mean, how did you find out he had told his mother? He may not have wanted *everyone* to know and finding out someone told might just hurt him. Just don't take it to personally if you do bring it up and he gets mad.
2006-11-14 08:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by Len 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 16 years of friendship, I would say that none of us know your friend better than you do. Don't you think that since your relationship with this friend is this tight, that he'll tell you, in his own time..when he's ready. My suggestion to you would be this....Have a "general" conversation with him...letting him know that you realize he's going through some very rough times, and alot of inner struggles right now..and that your there for him to lean on, talk to, anything....NO MATTER WHAT....., day or night. Apparently he isn't ready to talk to you about it...or he would. For you to bring it up, is potentially forcing him to talk about something he's not ready to talk about. He'll do it...in his own time....when he's ready. He's knows you support him..if your friendship is really as tight as you say it is....he already knows......
2006-11-14 08:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by Shelly B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to tell him that you suspected he was gay before. Just let him know, "Nothin that happens will change our friendship. Whatever reasons, I'm there for you 100% if you want to talk. ". I think he'll get it...minus the embarrassment of saying "I know your gay".
2006-11-14 08:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by CloudRider9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truely your best friend then there shouldn't be a problem here. Nothing should be off limits to talk about with best friends. That's why they are called "best" friends. Make him aware of your suspicions and that his mother already informed you as well. Then take it from there. Good luck and GOD bless.
2006-11-14 09:41:22 · answer #6 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know you know and support him. Tell him you'll do whatever he needs you to do to help him out.
Just curious, did you always know he was gay?
2006-11-14 08:07:33 · answer #7 · answered by TrainerMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you are there for whatever he's going through. He might just bring it up then too... If not tell him you know and that you don't think any different of him.
2006-11-14 09:19:03 · answer #8 · answered by sshhmmee2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him know in a round about way that youre there for him if he needs anything, hell epect that youre relating to his divorce, and think nothing of it. if youve known him for 16 years i dont think that youd have to worry about that anyway.generally whae youve known someone that long you know them really well, hes going to need you now more than ever. go be the best friend you know how to be.
2006-11-14 08:13:49 · answer #9 · answered by beb27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he brings it up to you, but you can still support him. Just be a friend. Take him out for coffee; make him laugh; talk about whatever he feels he needs to talk about. BUT let him broach the subject.
2006-11-14 08:09:06 · answer #10 · answered by just browsin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋