I have a husband who expects me to be at his every whim.I try to do it all but sometimes it can be impossible

Question

I have a perscription of clonipin that he will not even let me take as perscribed because it is too strong for him. but i take them and it just makes me keep my cool.i dont scream and yell or get upset but at the same time im not a zombie.i get more things accomplished. my husband is completely against it but can ALWAYS!!!!! can haveaBAG OF WEED!!!! and thats ok. I LOVEhim even though he is abusive mentally and phisically.I have two young girls and just bought it. this will be the second house we bought.hopefullythis time i wont leave because of the abuse. it is never done in front of the kids always upstairs or in the utility room.I do not want to break up the family but im at my witts end if i were to do everything to his specifications would it be enough? i think it would be, but his list of demands is exhasting. and i dont know if i can do it

Answer 1

what a HELLHOLE your poor little girls live in. you THINK they don't know? your WRONG. they do, or will soon. and guess what mom...your daugthers will learn from YOU and your horrible husband about abuse. they will think its normal and then when they are adults they will end up with jerks like your husband.do you want to see your daughters being treated the way you are?
your husband doesn't love you, he loves himself. your his slave, his THING....get out and make a better life for your kids.
you say your staying because you don't want to break up the family. honey...normal families don't buy weed, take other drugs, yell at each other abusively OR hit! that is not a family...that is a disaster.
1-800-656-HOPE call these people..you need to talk to someone that can help!

Answer 2

I was in your situation. I had two children and my mother was dying. I was with a BOY who beat me regularly, emotionally abused me and cheated on me whenever he could. He would not let me have friends or have a job because I might meet someone. It was awful. I finally took the kids to a relatives house where he could not get to and called the police. He was arrested and I have never had to see him again and that was nine years ago. My life is so much better now. I have a decent paying job and another child and a husband. Life can be so much better for you then it is it just takes strength and time. You need to talk to someone and let them know what is going on and see how they can help you. Do you have a relative that you can go to? If not talk to someone at a church there is help out there. You do not want to end up dead. I live in a small community and there was just a murder in the next town over where an abusive husband just killed his wife and now there 3 kids have no one. You do not want that to happen. Your husband will never be happy and never be able to treat you as you deserve. There is someone out there that will. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

He has a textbook addicted personality. Does he do anything other than the weed, like alcohol? Addicts feel so horribly about themselves that they put these impossible expectations upon those closest to them. Kinda like thinking"Well, I cant be the perfect spouse, parent, etc...so I will make sure one of us is". It's completely irrational thinking and you're wrong...no matter what you do, it will never be good enough..so STOP making yourself nuts trying to be. As with him not wanting you to take your meds...don't you see? He's afraid if you're mentally healthy you will see him for what he really is and tell him to quit his abusive and destruction behaviour. Before my husband was sober, he hated it when I went to see my therapist.He said whenever I did, I came home acting like a b*tch..when in reality , I was feeling empowered and insisting he treat me better. Dont think for a minute that your kids dont know what's going on..I was always amazed at what our kids told me they heard/knew the morning following an arguement.You dont want your daughters growing up to think that's how all men treat women. You need to look into Al-Anon where you will find support from people going through the same thing.I'm very concerned that you admit he is mentally and physically abusive , yet you seem content to stay...you dont deserve this...why are you letting him punish you? Please do something to help yourself..you cant change him, you can only change the way you react to him...Personally, I think you and the kids need to get away from him ASAP!

Answer 4

u should take the kids and run!!!! get away from him, go to a shelter for abused women if u can`t do it on your own! this is serious! if he`s been abusive so far, nothing u do can ever change that! what u need to do before anything, is to understand that this is not your fault. he`d find some reason to beat u up, even if u do everything as he asks. u need to get away from him! a shelter would be the best choice. they can give u a house or somthing, where u can be in safety, away from him. he wouldn`t know the location and also they cn give u all the psychological help u need. stop being afraid, stop blaming yourself for what`s happening and get away from him! it would be best for your children as well. don`t think that they don`t know what`s going on, just because they don`t see him beat u up! and anyway....how can u be so sure that he won`t start beating them up too? GET OUT!!!! RUN!!! GET HELP!!!

Answer 5

You are a wife, not a carpet mat. He has no right to treat you like this. Mental and emotional abuse are the worse because people can not see it, whereas physical abuse people can see the marks and they know what is going on. I strongly suggest you put this man in his place> see counselling and get help from where ever you can. You do not need to live like this. You can't always stay 'because of the kids', sometimes that is the worse thing you can do. Please seek help, you need it. You can't have your medication but he can smoke his pot? Forget everything I just said. Leave him. He's a dog.

Answer 6

No one should live their life under these conditions. I wonder what makes people think they can "control" others in this manner. I stayed in a verbally abusive marriage for 31 years until my husband died. My girls and I, and my husband, all suffered. As I look back, I am very sad for all of us. It sounds like you should leave the jerk. He isn't worth your love. He is destroying your self worth. You probably can't see it, but your children are suffering. He doesn't respect you if he is treating you like he is. He doesn't deserve you. Go get some counseling. He doesn't need to know. It wouldn't surprise me if the counselor tells you to leave. I went when my children were very young (now grown) and she told me to leave him. I never did but I think I should have. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 7

if hes abusive its never worth it to stick around. just because he doesnt hit you infront of the kids it doesnt mean that they dont hear you crying. you dont want to break up the family....ha, what family.....sounds to me like youre a slave. if he can hit you, he doesnt love you. you need to get away from that situation and realize that you are worth so much more than the bull that he puts you through. plus, happens when he gets bored with hitting you and decides that it would be more 'fun' to hit the girls because theyll cry more....honey you need to get out of there. if not for yourself, then do it for your the kids. theyd be happier being from a broken home then a home that they cant bring their friends over to because mommy has a black eye and a broken arm.trust me i know what im talking about.

Answer 8

I have to say that you are putting up with way more than any woman should ever put up with. You are worth so much more than being your husband's punching bag hun. Staying for the kids is not a good thing. My father beat up my mom....mom thought we never knew cause he never did it in front of us...but we knew from day one. You can't hide your emotions or fears from your children...they can see through the painted on smile.

Sweety....now I am not saying you need to leave him. I am just saying things need to change. You are not a maid or punching bag...you are a wonderful woman that needs to love herself and children enough to fix the situation....whatever way you need to. I.E. Counseling, leaving.......

Answer 9

LEAVE HIM. You deserve better than this and so do your kids. Sure you don't do it in the same room as them, but they still know that it's going on. You need to get away from this creep and start a new life. Don't ever let yourself get abused, I don't care what he says, nothing warrants abuse.

Answer 10

What you need is what we call "Self Worth"...once you start to love and respect yourself...then you will realize the answer...

**From outside looking in...the answer seems clear. Leave him...raise your kids in a loving (sane) household...and be the best person you know how to be**

You say you love your husband...(and you must have your reasons)...but you are able to love someone...and at the same time NOT be with them because it it harmful to you. It is possible.