My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and lived together for 2. He cheated on me after our first year with another girl. (I cheated on him too the first MONTH we were together so I guess he was cheating on me for revenge or something). Anyway, he took me back, so it seemed right to take him back too. We started fresh and made it work. Im glad because I was really happy and everything was great. Then we got into a bad fight the other day and he went to her house (she lives down the street). Nothing happened according to everyone there (I trust them), he just came over to hang out. (I doubt he's done this before, we have a tight group of friends and I would've found out.) He admited he was wrong and apologized...
BUT now everytime we fight I will think he's going there, or when I go to school I will think he's over there, and I keep wondering why after 4 years he went there - its so random...
What's your advice?
Please dont just say "dump him", I'd love some real answers!
2006-11-13 23:25:59 · 18 answers · asked by plenymo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No this is not a "game" to us. Afterall the cheating happened over 3 years ago and we have moved and learned to trust again. But now that he went to her house its brought back old feelings. He didnt cheat and I dont really think he would. But it feels like he did.
2006-11-13 23:37:25 · update #1
Thats why Im confused! Our relationship DOES work and we DONT fight all the time, we were so happy!! But now how do I get that back? How do I get back to the way we were?
2006-11-13 23:43:45 · update #2
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that it bothered you even him going to her house, that you trust and believe him, but how would he feel if you had doen the same sort of thing. Ask him to promise that he will cut communication with her and/or never go to her house without you again. The only way to get thru those types of situations, is to talk about them. Communication and trust are the keys to a wonderful relationship.
2006-11-14 03:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first instict is to tell you to dump him which is exactly what you said not to say. But my reasoning is different than some.
The reason I say to dump him is not because of his actions. Things can be forgiven and life will go on and there is a very good chance that he will not do it again.
But it seems as though your trust for him is gone. The trust in a relationship is one of the most important thing for me. How can you live your life happily when you are constantly worrying about where he is or what he is doing?
You will drive yourself crazy wondering if he is back at that house. And even if he isnt, the relationship is suffering from the lack of trust. Im not saying that you dont have a reason to distrust him because it sounds as if you do. But I truly feel that if the trust is gone, there is no point in trying anymore. It will never work like it once did. Good Luck.
2006-11-14 07:38:06 · answer #2 · answered by babyj248 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wouldn't be asking about this unless you suspected cheating. And, sorry, you can't trust "friends". Friends lie. If it was your parents telling you this, then yes, you could believe them. These guys are probably sticking up for your guy, not you.
For him to go over there OBVIOUSLY SIGNIFIES that he is comfortable enough to just show up at her house, and after four years???? That's extremely odd. Would you just go to someone's house randomly that you haven't seen for years after a big fight? come on, use some common sense here. He's been cheating on you the entire time, I'll bet. Maybe not just with sex (although I'm SURE that too) but with phone calls, emails, dates, you name it.
I would leave him. Sorry it's been such a long relationship, but where is this going? It hsan't gotten anywhere up to this point, it's just sunk you in deeper and deeper. If you wait around longer to find out if he'll cheat again then you're only setting yourself up for more hurt.
Cheating in the first month is NOT a good excuse for him to cheat sometime later on you!
You are too forgiving.
Leave this guy and find someone who will treat you with some respect and be honest and not run away to a girl's house when you fight!!
2006-11-14 07:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would of dumped you after the 1st month thing. I'd call it quits on this relationship. Theres no trust, theres cheating, and there is temptation down the street. If you get back together this will all just go back and forth, the past will probably repeat itself, and 4 months from now, you'll be asking the same question again.
2006-11-14 07:30:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi I know you love him but if he is going to keep on going over there when you guys fight then he has a problem and you will to he said he was sorry and it was a mistake but he must not have meant it or he would stop going there don't you think that if they have slept together once that maybe he is looking for more than just comfort from her tell him straight I don't like you going there when we fight is there any one else you can talk to instead if he says no the tell him our relationship will have to end if he really loves you he will do the right thing by you if he does not then he is not worth having. sorry.
2006-11-14 07:37:03 · answer #5 · answered by debbie anne 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you have hurt feeling because he once had a sexual relationship with her, but now he may just have a friendship and feels he could talk to her! I have old bf's that I still talk to from time to time,but would never have a sexual relationship again! Tell him you know he didn't cheat,but because of the past running to her only makes things worst instead of better and please don't do this again. Working things out with you,instead of running to old buddies is the best thing to do!
2006-11-14 07:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by kelley1031 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I would advise that you stick with him since he has admited that he's wrong and apologised. You also said that the people you trusted informed you that nothing happened. That's another reason to give him another chance. I think you guys should find time to talk things over so that you'll be reassured that he'll not keep running there when there's an issue between both of you.
Thanks
2006-11-14 07:40:23 · answer #7 · answered by Foxxie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You two have both cheated on each other and gotten over it, but have you really? Obviously it is running in the back of your mind, and it's always going to. Best you two just part. What chance is there of it working??
2006-11-14 07:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by melfromhell001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, You need to either trust him or let yourself go from these valid feelings that you have.
If he sincerely apologized and you can accept, then do so and maybe just try and move on together.
Nowadays, it is hard to find Mr. Right, so if you think you have, then you are so lucky. And if you think you can find better and feel better with another, then please do so.
Your happiness is at stake. Best of luck!!
2006-11-14 07:32:16 · answer #9 · answered by TL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all the cheating that has gone how can you expect a relationship to work? Apparently neither of you is serious about the other. It just sounds like a stupid game. Either give it up or keep up the dumb games, either way, it's not going to work.
2006-11-14 07:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋