suggestions?

Question

My freinds wife had sexual relations with someone before marriage and she shared her full secrets with him after 4 ~5 years.
He is somewhat depressed now. thy have one baby. He shares that he doesnot like to have sex with her anymore

Answer 1

just stand by your friend and don't let him loose his family to something that happened that many years ago. he needs you right now and im sure that she told him because she thought it was the right thing to do. now they can move on and be closer and more open and honest with each other. everything happens for a reason and he will get through this time with your help. your a good friend

Answer 2

If you had said she had sexual relations with someone after they were married then that would be something to be depressed, and pissed off about. Because she did this prior to their marriage she must have learned a few things because evidently she was so good to him he married her. Tell your friend to stop tripping she is his wife and she loves him, dwelling on the past is not gonna change things. What's done is done at least it happened before they consumated the marriage it could be alot worse and he would be wondering whether or not he was pleasing his wife in the bedroom. So he should be honored that his wife can openly admit that she had sex with someone before they got married and when it comes down to the before and after there is no comparison when it comes to her husband. I am sure your friend probally had sex before he was married so what's the big deal we all have to start sometime or another and some choose to start before the wedding. Besides she didn't say she had cheated she just sowed a wild oat and it's in the past, (L-I-G) Let it go.......and if it has that much of an effect on him tell him to just tell his wife that he would rather not hear about who she did the nasty with prior to him.

Answer 3

The only thing you can do is to support your friend in any possible way he may need you. He should sit down, realize the situation and understand whether the relationship is worth of ending after so many years. She has been wrong to hide all those secrect for so long but if she opened up, this means she starts to understand that she should have been honest before. Plus forgiving loved ones is what life is about.

Answer 4

Ok? What is the problem it was before they were married. What is he living in the stone age? I think that most people had a least one sexual experience before marriage. So what! Tell him to get the h*ll over it. That is my suggestion.

Answer 5

Why lots of ppl have sex before marriage, but she should have told him after all those years.
My suggestions is that he forgive her if he really love instead of findin someone else.

Answer 6

is he in a religious cult or something? Geez, she was at least honest with him. What happened , happened. Time to live TODAY

Answer 7

Your friend's husband perhaps hadn't been ready to have sex before marriage but I don't see how this can change his feelings towards her if he loves her religious or not.

Unless I have this wrong? - if your friend had sex with another man and not her husband before she got married, then of course, this is going to be difficult for her husband to come to terms with. But most people have had other lives before they marry and so she ought to be forgiven for what was her life before her marriage to her husband. Unless she had sex with somone else whilst she was still with her husband, then obviously, this is going to shatter his trust in her and it will take him time to forgive and forget, but he needs to talk to his wife and sort this out as soon as possible.

He has to make a decision about what he is going to do if he cannot forgive her and move on from this. She is feeling guilty for what has happened, but he needs to either work this out with his wife or move on from it. His trust will in her will be fragile if she has had an affair and so this is why he is not going to want to have sex with her. It is also a kind of punishment and he needs to either get help to move on from this or leave his wife despite the baby.

His love for his wife should be sufficient enough for him to allow her past to be forgiven and to come to terms with the fact that she was once in love with somone else before she met him and had sex with them, but perhaps sharing information with her husband, isn't the best thing to do if this is going to make him feel insecure. Lots of men feel uncomfortable with the fact that their wives have had other men in their lives before marriage.

But I am trying to understand your question and am not sure if I am understanding what the situation is exactley. If she has always been faithful to her husband but just simply had sex with him before he was ready, then he will need to try and forgive himself and her for the premature sexual relationship they had before they got married.

Her husband obviously has other issues that have led to him feeling the way he does because sex before marriage shouldn't cause him to feel so much distress as he has got the woman of of his choice and the one he wanted to marry anyway. He perhaps should have not married her if he had sex with her too early on?. He is responsible too and as a consenting adult, should have postponed the marriage if it was going to cause him to feel the way he does now.

If her crime is that she had sex too early on in her marriage with her husband, then they both need to figure out what they are going to do as a couple and whether couple counselling might help in this rift? - she cannot be held accountable for what they both engaged in sex before marriage - it takes two people and he is just as responsible in this case and needs to come to some point of forgiveness for her and himself.

I hope that I have been able to help you in some way, but I think forgiveness is essential to move on from soemthing like this.