Am I being unreasonable ?

Question

My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years now . Before we were married , we had a great sex life . Now that we're married , I'm afraid to say , IT SUCKS !!! . I constantly have to persue the issue with her and when she does decide to have sex it's kind of " Just hurry up and get it over with " type of stuff . It's not like I'm not trying . I've tried buying flowers , sensual massages etc but this does not improve matters much if at all . It's also not like I want sex every day or something . When I confront her about this , she just tells me that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself or she's tired or not in the mood etc . What the hell does that mean ?? Why did she not have these issues before we got married ?? We had sex twice on our 3 week honeymoon . How pathetic is that ?? She says I must take her away for a weekend . Must I now do this everytime I want to make love to my wife ?? HELP ME PLEASE !!!!

Answer 1

Dude I feel your pain, I have had this problem for years with my wife. And i was doing all of the things that these people have said. I was supportive, loving, did more than my share of the household chores, took care of the kids, we both work, tried to innitiate intimate moments. All to be rejected time after time, how much fun is that for the male ego. Then a couple of weeks ago I had reached the end of my rope and asked her since she didn't seem to care about meeting my needs would she mind if I went out and got a girlfriend. I can't descibe to you how bad the rest of that day was, but when she realized that she didn't want to lose me she really turned things around and has been wonderful fun in the bedroom every night. She has thanked me for waking her up, she said that it's been like she was just coasting along for years and never truly realized how important this was to me. You deserve to be happy and so does she, if this works out then great! If it doesn't maybe it's better you know now before you spend more years being unsatisfied.

Answer 2

I am a wife and my husband feels the same way about me. But let me ask do you guys have children, does she works, take care of the home and not time to herself. If so maybe that is taking a toll on her sex life as well. So what I would suggest that you give her a me time 1x a week, while you take care of the kids. Also you can arrange twice a month you take her out anywhere, as longs as you guys are alone, and she is having an adult conversation. Let me tell you in the beginning it is wonderful, but you guys share a life together and it s nothing wrong with trying to make it work for the both of you. (Complimize). And it can get better if you love each other enough.

Answer 3

I have been in you wife's shoes! She loves you but she is in a rut - whether it's because of her looks/weight, stress, work, not enough quality sleep, dissatisfaction with something in her life (not necessarily you but perhaps home, family, job, wanting kids, etc.). She may not even know what it is. It could be hormonal - I know you men hate hearing that but it's a fact of life. My hormones were all out of whack but I didn't find out until I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to do a year of chemo and other fun treatments. And believe me - that doesn't do much for the sex life either! My husband of 12 1/2 yrs. left me for a 200lb. 21 yr. old coworker shortly after I finished my treatments. He felt that I had never shown enough gratitude sexually for all he had provided for our son and I (never mind that I had worked every bit as hard as he did to get to where we were; I worked 3/4 time through my treatments so that we could keep our house, and I had always been the one to lose sleep when our son got sick or scared during the night!). When that relationship didn't stand the test of time (they never do) he wanted to crawl back, citing that he realized how good he had really had it. Guess what? He's still out there going from girlfriend to girlfriend while his son now only has a 1/3 time dad!

My suggestion to you is to read these two books and have your wife read them, too - The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman & The Sexy Years by Suzanne Somers. They will both make a huge difference to how you view your sex lives and your relationships. Had I read one or both books before my ex left I would have realized just how important sex is to men. Had he read either of them he would have realized how important my emotional needs being met would have impacted our sex life.

You will probably both need to go to counseling and possibly a medical doctor to discover exactly what the problem is and how to go about fixing it. If you stick with her though you will be rewarded tenfold down the road with not only an improved sex life but also with the best life partner/friend/soulmate you could ever ask for.

Answer 4

youre not being unreasonable. you just need to be a little more understanding. her telling you that you need to take her away for a weekend is code for youre missing something in your marriage.maybe she feels that you dont spend enough time together,(and im willing to bet that before you got married you spent a lot more time together.) women arent like men... a man, no matter how he feels can have sex with a woman. but a woman, if she doesnt feel sexy or desired then shes not going to want to have sex with anyone, husband or not. maybe you should try to SHOW her how much you want her and let her know how sexy she is. tease her and make her remember what it was like when you were dating. if shes in the kitchen, go up behind her, grab her *** and nibble her earlobe, then turn her around and kiss her hard, but passionately on the mouth and see where it goes from there. good luck. i hope my insite helped a little.

Answer 5

She is not happy. Plain and simple.

Whether it's with you, herself, or the world in general, your darling wife is not happy. With you, she may not like the hours you spend at work. She thinks you are cheating. She is sick of your fat, hairy, sweaty body (if this applies). You are annoying when you always ask about sex; she's sick of saying no and this makes her want it less.

With herself, she could be working too many hours at work and she's tired. She could be cheating on you. She could feel fat, hairy, and frumpy (if this applies). She is annoyed by your constant whining about sex; she hears about it so much that she doesn't want to think about it, let alone actually do it. She could be in a rut in her life. Her family could be stressing her out. She could be bored with your sex life (yes, it does happen!).

My advice? TALK.TO.HER. She is your wife, after all. Ask her what's up, and don't focus just on your sex life. Be concerned with her as a person. Perhaps suggest some new sex toys or positions. Do it on the kitchen table. Be rough if you are usually soft. But above all, communicate.

Answer 6

You both need counseling. You because she isnt hearing what you are saying she is locked into her own world and she does not understand the need for physical intimacy that men have. She needs it to hear what you are saying from a counselors mouth at this point all she hears is blah blah sex blah blah blah sex and the word sex turns her off. If she wont go to see a counselor bring in some boxes and begin packing ask her how she wants to split your posessions. This is the number one complaint married men have. If you read these answers its the #1 topic. If more married woman would read these questions and heed their advice the divorce rate would drop. Good Luck

Answer 7

You are certainly not being unreasonable. What I can say to you, is try and try and keep trying. Just talk to her. Tell her, ''Honey, I have tried really hard, but you have got to give as well.'' It's not harsh, it's pretty straight forward. Try not to get on her bad side though. Don't make it look like, you want sex, every day, although I know you don't. But, try not to make it look like your in a rush to hop in to bed. These things take time. I know you are thinking that six years is enough time, but for her, it isn't. Come home one day, and try and get her in a ''mood''. A good mood, though. While she is sitting down, relaxing, bring her a cup of tea, coffee, whatever she drinks. Try massging her neck. Get her in a sexual mood. It might not be any of my business, but if you need further help, e-mail me at [e-mail]. I hope things go well. Best of luck!

Answer 8

You don`t need help ,SHE DOES.
I hope she knows how lucky she is that you want her so much.
Maybe she really wasn`t In Love with YOU when you got married.
When I was engaged to my wife we were having sex everyday sometimes twice .
After we were married we settled down to 3 times a week .Sometimes she would get in these moods where she was insatiable .I remember we did it 5 times in one day and this was when we were married for at least 18 years,
So my friend ,your wife needs to see a counselor or you need to have an affair.

Answer 9

no, your not being unreasonable. Tell her to go and have a day doing what ever she wants, like shopping for clothes she really wants, it might make her feel more comfortable with herself. I think that taking her away would really help, it would take her away from the norm, and she might lose anything on her mind thats bothering her and you may have more fun...I hope ive helped. x

Answer 10

You are NOT being unreasonable.
You two need counseling big time.

She needs to realize that sexuality is very important to the health of a marriage. She might be depressed or have hormone problems. Get her some help.