should you forgive a friend who has treated you bad for many years?

Question

but who you have always ended up talking to until now.They have never apologised even though they have taken advantage of my good nature and said hurtful things to me in the past.Have i been stupid to think they will change

Answer 1

i wouldnt do anything but not be around them again.whats the point for them to make you feel bad,,doesnt seem worth it to me.have you told them exactly what they have done and why you are upset with it after they have just done it? some people have no idea they treat others like crap and need telling and others DO know but it makes them feel good,,you know this friend,,you decide what category they fit into and go from there.

Answer 2

They probably won't change. They are taking advantage of you and saying hurtful things to you because you let them. I would question whether this person is a "friend". Friends don't act the way he/she is. I would be kind and civil, forgive them in your heart, but distance yourself from them. If they say something hurtful, I would ask him/her why they said that to you and tell them you don't deserve to be treated that way. Some people are just mean. I've found that if you stand up for yourself, these people usually back off. The bottom line is, you don't need "friends" like this. Life is too short. And live by the philosophy "I don't have a problem, they have a problem". I've used this many times and it helps me view others differently.

Answer 3

I think it's always better to forgive as it cleanses you of any anger you may have towards that person. Forgiveness is for the other person but also for yourself so you can move on. That being said, just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to forget. Forgive the person for any hurts they have caused, recognize that the person causes the hurts because they are either insecure, jealous, angry (whatever the emotion the underlying feeling is also pain) and move on. You don't need to have further contact with them. If the person asks why you are no longer friends you can explain it to him/her and say although you forgive him/her, you cannot be involved anymore in nonsense. If the person then is sincerely apologetic, you may want to give them another chance. Sometimes people don't realize what they are doing and when they do, are truly sorry. But not always. Good luck!

Answer 4

This person doesn't sound like a friend to me. Friends don't treat each other badly. I'm sorry but if someone has walked all over you and taken advantage of you it's because you let them do it. You need to tell yourself you are worthy and lovable and deserve better than what this person dumps on you. Has this person said sorry or even acted as if they they had some remorse? If not what are you forgiving them for? You need to remove yourself from this toxic relationship and find others who will build you up and not drag you down.

Answer 5

Yes. I had a similar disappointment concerning a friend of over 20 yrs. Since 2nd grade. During those years, I always felt that I put more into maintaining the relationship than my friend, but that was o.k., then. Last yr., I had a very special welcome home party for my daughter. I invited my friend a month in advance. They did not come nor show common courtesy by calling to say they couldn't make it. Not the first time this happened. I was upset, more so for my daughter because she asked they be invited. I told my friend how I felt and they were very defensive, that is how I knew i was right. Our season and type of friendship had changed. Then I had to realize that whatever happened in the past, I allowed. it has nothing to do with love and they are still my friend. Now, I no longer nurture the friendship and they are no longer seated in the front row of my life, they are in the balcony, but still a part of my life. For me it was not so much forgiveness. It was an adjustment , not so needed of the friendship. Now, my friend is no longer more important to me than I am to them.

Answer 6

I'm not sure it's stupid but you stay in this relationship for what reason?You ask if you should forgive ?This person has never apologized so who wants forgiveness?Look if there is some reason you keep yourself attached to some one who abuses your feelings then it is you who has the problem,the abuser is only doing what you allow and apparently you like the abuse so they continue to dish out to you what you seem to need.Only you can change how you let others treat you.

Answer 7

Just Forgive and Just Forget about the Friend. How do u still call the person a friend if he/she has no concern in regards to you. Save your self respect atleast and just forget about the friend. Let God take care of the rest.

Answer 8

Speaking from personal experience and from wittnessing other people's....its not about forgiveness. You can forgive them for what they did, but its not going to change them or prevent them from hurting you again. You can forgive them. But you should also cut them out of your life.

I had friends in back in the days who would treat me like crap one moment, and then call me their best friend, and act like they never did anything. I've simply stopped talking to them. I don't need two-faced fakes and superficial friends. (Neither do you!)

Answer 9

If they know they are doing you wrong. No, that should have ended a long time ago. Things are not going to change now, since you have let it go on this long. She is used to treating you like that, and changing now will be a difficult change. I think you need to tell her/him they are hurting your feelings and you dont need their friendship.

Answer 10

you can forgive and hating someone just gets you down. But i dont know about forgetting what they did. be pleasant to this person but dont let them take advantage of you again. I doubt very much this person will change.