My husband and I have been together for over 4 years now. We dated for a year and the sex was INSANE! We did it a couple times a day EVERYDAY! When I became pregnant with my daughter my sex level plummeted! I found myself feeling repulsed by my husband and came up with every excuse why I "couldnt" or "didnt want to" have sex with him. After my daughter was born, my sex level stayed the same. A year and a half went by and after my son was born I thought maybe I was getting some of that arousal back, but things STILL have not changed! Is it normal that I HATE sex now? Why do I like masterbating so much but hate the fact of having to have sex? What are some things I can do to make myself WANT to have sex with my husband? And, why is it that the thought of him even touching me grosses me out? It was never like that until I became pregnant with my daughter, and now she is 3 and things still havent changed! Im frustrated! Any advice?
2006-11-13 22:39:34 · 27 answers · asked by Heather K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off, you are tired.
Masterbation is easy , less active and gets the job done the right way.
that being said, you have 2 children under 3.
Even if your a stay at home mom its exhausting. all the running around and lack of sleep.
Plus you associate his penis with pregnancy, and that is off limits now.
Initially it was exciting to think you could have his baby, and pregnancy was a fun idea, and now you know that pregnancy ends with a baby and that is no longer FUN its work.
And if you had a ruff delivery, and alot of tearing down there, sometimes they just don't sew up the snatch correctly and it hurts, or if you tear at the top,
but personally for me its the hormones, mommy hormones
first we breast feed, and it takes at least 6 months after breast feeding to enjoy sex. cause your homone levels are up.
so its a dual problem physical and emotional.
Ok so here is what you do to fix it.
Get yourself some help, if your hubby doesn't do it then get a friend, your mom, sister whoever.
But you gotta give the man his sex. you know that right?
Go out to the dollar store and the sex store and pick up some goodies. Candles, and a vibrator. and anal play devices.
music , chocolate coverd strawberries, champagne, and whipped cream.
Now wait til friday night, kids are away, and he has no idea,
get comfortable with the idea.
Watch porn, and pull a julia roberts in pretty woman.
You need to stop masterbating so often, cause you aren't saving it for him, if you want to masterbate during sex then fine but not before.
trust me you will get it back but it takes time and if you stop masterbating you'll start enjoying his touch again.
Roll playing can help, talk dirty and tell him what to say to turn you on.
And make sure he is licky licky before he sticky sticky's
and if not then tell him to enter from behind and masterbate while he does his thing,.
if this doesn't work email me for more pointers.
Good luck
Meg
kovasmomma@yahoo.com
2006-11-13 23:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your story is like looking in the mirror I am going through the same things with my husband the exact same thing, my son is almost three and I am still having the same experience as well. I keep coming up with excuse after excuse with him to figure out the core of the problem. At first I blamed his porn addiction and actually that took a toll in my sex life, I also blamed the fact that he do not help with our son, I get no me time to even think about sex. What I am basically saying is try not to give up on your sex life because you love your husband enough to have a talk with him let him know what is going on with you, honestly it may be something he is not doing for you anymore to bring back that fire, or after having a baby can take some of our libido away, it's a very sensitive issue, but try and talk with your doctor about this. I did and he helped a little , it may work different for you. Boy, when I read your question I literally got goose bumps. But I hope I helped out in any way its good to know I am not alone. When you are masterbating think of your husband and how you want him to do you. You are already feeling a good sensual touch alone, so instead of your husband grossing you with him touching you try to involve him when you masterbate, tell him there will be no penetration involve unless you want to, it gives him an idea on how to aproach you better and you to make you feel comfortable with yourself and him.
2006-11-14 01:21:34 · answer #2 · answered by Roslyn J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the reason you feel this way is because of your pregnancy. I know you love your kids and you wouldnt trade them for the world but pregnancy does things to the body that we could all do without.
We get fatter, stretchmarks, our breasts get flat after breastfeeding and our bodies are never the same. To some women this is very disturbing especially if you took alot of pride in how you looked pre-pregnancy. Is it so hard to fathom that maybe you dont want to have sex with your husband is because sex with a man equals pregnancy and pregnancy equals unwelcomed changes in your body? This would explain also the joy of masturbating and not sex. Just a thought....
2006-11-13 23:44:34 · answer #3 · answered by babyj248 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should go to the doctors or see a relate counsellor as there is something definetly wrong. How did your pregnancies go? are you scared of getting pregnant again which could put you off have sex with your husband. You really need to talk to someone professional im sure with help you will be able to regain what you had with your husband. Dont try and force things as this could put more pressure on you.
good luck
2006-11-13 22:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am glad you asked this question. It means you do know this is important. There is a very good chance that your marraige will fail and your children will suffer the loss of a good home with TWO parents if you do not solve this. Get professional help but put this as priority number one as your marraige is at serious risk. Tell your husband that you have lost your drive but do not tell him you are replused by him. Tell him it is a simple medical problem and he will feel better about it. Tell him you want to seek help for this so you can resume a normal healthy sex life with him. This will encourage him and things will get better.
2006-11-14 04:45:46 · answer #5 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a matter to be handled by the Yahoo Answers community. Even if some of the advices may be useful and helpful, the only person qualified to give a precise answer is a professional therapist. Go to some counseling sessions and u'll not only find the answer but also how to solve your problem. I'm as serious as I can be, because this is a serious problem!
2006-11-13 22:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by red 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi honey, I dont think you can actually force yourself to want sex, you have to actually long for it. I think there is something at the back of your mind about it for some reason, but it up to you to work out what it is! Maybe talking with a counsellor could help you figure out what it is. There is nothing worse than having sex because you feel you have to, not because you want to. He is an understanding husband if he hasn't been hassling you. Most husbands I know would hassle their wives. I think the best thing you can do is work out with a counsellor what the problem! Best of luck to you!
2006-11-13 22:47:13 · answer #7 · answered by melfromhell001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the fact that you can enjoy masturbating, but not sex with your husband says the problem is your relationship, not sex. Now, I'm no expert, but.... it seems that if you are feeling disgusted by the idea of having sex with your husband, you've got some inner feelings about him, or your body that "maybe" you aren't allowing yourself to face. I really think this is an issue that you should discuss with your doctor. Good luck.
2006-11-13 22:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by Kerry 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what i would do is this...
have someone watch the kids for the weekend and takeoff with your husband. not in the house. litterally away.a new space equals a new frame of mind. try talking to your husband...dont tell him that he repulses you, but tell him that you are worried for your marriage and that some things need to change.
try role playing. pretend youre just meeting him for the first time, you dont have any kids (so stop worrying about them)...
if you enjoy masturbating so much, try to include him in that. do it infront of him. not only will it turn him on like mad, but it will give you a boost, its a turn on to have someone watch you and want you that bad.
give it a try. you have nothing to lose. good luck. i hope i helped a bit. i know i am young, but i have two kids of my own, i went through the same thing. its normal.
2006-11-13 22:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by beb27 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Happened to me! My wife didnt want sex after a couple of years I grew tired of asking. This continued to the point I lost interest in her and began not being as much help around the house. Finally after 8 years I got her into counseling were she admitted she has a bf and loved him and not me. We are divorcing in 2007.
get to a counselor or maybe a hypnotherapist. Your relationship is suffering now and the quicker you fix it the better. Good Luck
2006-11-13 23:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋