I woke up with a hunch that my husband may have sexual interest in other men so I'm thinking through what signs brought about this hunch of mine to decide if there may be something to it.
He's in very good physical shape - lean with defined muscles, exercises daily
Sometimes his pinky sticks out in a feminine way when he's holding a cup/glass
Though masculine by typical measures I detect a feminine look, maybe it's in his eyes or the way he smiles and laughs.
I don't see sex connected with love for him, for him it appears to be a great physical pleasure to release, not a way for him to connect lovingly with me.
He gives himself hand jobs daily & has a 30 year Playboy Collection. Fantasy in his mind is how he 'gets off'. Without the 'love connection' I much prefer to give him oral sex to help meet his sexual release need since there isn't the emotional tie.
He questions whether other men we encounter are gay or interested in him.
He expresses that to be gay is not positive. Denial?
2006-11-13 22:21:33 · 10 answers · asked by buster2cajun 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
What good answers so far! I really agree with the one apparent fact being that your relationship sounds a little weird and needs some inspecting. As far as his personal issues go, they are his to in time reconcile. Meanwhile, where do you stand in all this? Do you love him? Is your marriage fulfilling you in any aspect? Is it worth it? How long have you 2 been together?I wish you the best.
2006-11-13 22:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy do you have a lot going through your head.
His being in good physical shape, having a "look" in his eyes or his smile or laugh, his little finger being out at times when holding a cup...........nothing that says gay. Your head is saying gay and it may be your head more then any part of him. You even say that you wont have intercourse with him because you feel asthough he doesnt connect love with sex so no going there.
The poor man is probably loosing it for you........because you are grabbing at straws trying to prove he is gay!
How many men have playboy collections and what are they worth......probably a lot!
Perhaps he is giving himself hand jobs while fantizing about intercourse, many men masturbate daily, that is not "gay" to masturbate it is male to masturbate.
Loads of men need release daily! You are really something to be sneeking around with all of these "clues" that not a single one points to soley gay, but soley male!
Asking about other men and whether they are gay or interested in him is the only thing you have mentioned that even hints toward interest in gayness.
However you say he expresses his negative attitude towards being gay...........so what does that mean.
Does he want intercourse with you, does he pursue you or look at or flirt with other women.
You have not been there for him (per your question only) so he could be getting really sexually frustarated and disconnecting from you.
Dont think for a minute that your thoughts in your head has not made him feel insecure and unloved because you are not like you were to him due to what you are obsessed with thinking of him.
Many men just dont connect sexually (with all that lovey dovey mushy stuff) during sex. Most men are too busy enjoying the sensations and feelings and the person they are with and ultimatley the release! So that is not a gay thing either!
Why dont you just come right out and ask him where he is in your relationship, and tell him how you feel, dont accuse him because that will just alienate him, communicate perhaps that is what is wrong.........no communication..........breeds no love during sex ...........and infidelity .................need I go on.
2006-11-13 22:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say if he is in the closet, but questioning other men is looking at him or not.. (is something straight men do not do, well most)
If your asking because you love him, (you might not want to know the answer, if you ask because you support him in his quest to be a complete person, it could be postive) The 30 year old playboy collection is questionable? (I am gay and admit that I read some articles in the magazine and glance through the pics but thats all, I just glance at the pics)
I would try family counseling, in the process you could watch postive gay movies, such as in and out, and other postive gay movies, he might come interesting in them also.
(He might be a little feminine but not gay, and some people choose never to leave the closet)
2006-11-13 22:45:35 · answer #3 · answered by southernboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think whether he is gay or not is his responsibility to figure out, not yours. It would probably not be well received if you started pushing him to come to terms with any latent homosexuality, so why don't you just leave it alone? It sounds like there are other problems in the marriage and you are searching around for a solution, but I don't think the gay card is the best strategy. I hope you find a better way to connect with him, good luck!
2006-11-13 22:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by niko 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men harbour homosexual feelings be it in a feminine way or not.
I look at other men and comment on if they are good looking or not, if they are I will say.
if i give myself pleasure does that mean im Gay... no im sure my wife does too.
Mind you i dont stick my finger out when im holding a glass but.....
I do all the cooking and cleaning, I dust and polish and wash up the dishes and clothes.
Am I Gay..........NO I dont think so.
Look at your husband again it may be that he is bi-sexual or as many men just curious to try something sexually different, get him to talk about his feelings then make up your mind, dont judge him by a look in his eye or his actions, he may be completly innocent.
2006-11-13 22:34:01 · answer #5 · answered by The Exorcist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is in touch with his feminine side but this does not make him gay. You should count your blessings if he is feminine because he will be much nicer to you, kinder, gentler, cleaner, neater etc. Playboy and hand jobs means he has a vivid fantasy life, I suggest you join him in his fantasy world and stop worrying if a raised pinky means gay cause. I raise my pinky while sipping tea and I'm far from gay!
2006-11-13 22:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by barkel76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been collecting Playboy for 30 years he is not gay.
2006-11-13 22:25:14 · answer #7 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, Buster..,
I am more concerned with your not loving each other, rather than what his sexual orientation is.
Can you continue this way?
Many straight men are threatened by the gay life style and that is because they are insecure about themselves and would rather be cruel than deal with their own issues.
2006-11-13 22:29:57 · answer #8 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i say let him go if he gay
2006-11-13 22:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by EVA J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word For You: "THREESOME"!
2006-11-13 22:48:46 · answer #10 · answered by sinsubz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋