Have personal problem with sex life mums any ideas?

Question

Have 2 children ages 5 and 2 since birth of 2 year old my sex drive has gone completely I cannot stand the thought of sex and am becoming very cold and distant to my partner any ideas?

Answer 1

You have my sympathies You are in an unenviable situation which many others have gone through!.. Its not an uncommon thing for women with small kids to loose their sex drive , so don't think you are some sort of freak because your not!.. .I bet if you ask your friends some of them would tell you that they have gone through the same thing..

Unfortunately sex drive (passion lust) is a human emotions which is affected by stress and worry and in some cases even down to the type of contraception being used... Most likely there is an underlying problem which you and your husband do not talk about, when love starts to fade, sex is the 1st thing to go from a relationship and even if things pick again is often the last thing to return.

Its not easy to re ignite sexual feelings without some sort of trigger. Often it can be something simple like watching a TV show, reading a magazine. or may be watching a sexy movie,, other times it can be visiting a store and buying something special .

You could try looking in on line lingerie stores (fig leaves) (Victoria's secrets for ideas) and others or perhaps then going along to a regular store to see other items that you might feel attractive in.. Following on from there you could suggest to your partner, a weekend away in an motel/hotel, to re kindle your love life..

Remember the imagination is the most powerful sexual trigger there is! you could think about flirting with someone you don't know!. you could try using text messaging on your cell /mobile phone or e-mail which because of the secretive nature can help ignite passionate feelings.

Sadly though no matter what you do its going to be down to you! and your will, in wanting to regain your sex drive otherwise your frustrations will work against you and it will become self defeating.

Good luck.

Answer 2

It happens we have all been there. You feel like a mum and not the person you were before you had kids. Try getting a family member or good neighbour to look after you kids for at least half a day on a regular basis say once a week or once a fortnight. Then it is something to look forward to. It is essential to spend some time alone with your partner doing something you both enjoy. Appreciate each other and you will start to feel yourself again slowly but surely. Keep telling yourself 'you are sexy 'because you still are!

Answer 3

this is very common so please do not think you are alone,
although it is easier said than done, you need to have some me time, so you can be yourself and not some ones wife,mother,daughter or chief cook and bottle washer, it is all too easy when you have young children to be totally wrapped up in them with all that you have to do for them. every thing else seems to take a back seat,including yourself and your hubby.
if it is at all possible, one of the best ways of helping this situation, is to ask family or very trusted friends to look after the children so you and hubby can have a weekend away so you can spend some time together away from everyday stress and strains, this does not have to be far away or expensive but it really does help, you can then use this time to do the things you like to do rather than the things you have to do, ie going for a walk, going out for a meal or drink, cinema or maybe just talking and being together.
you will be surprised at how much this can help. and will remind you both of why you married in the first place and what you really mean to each other.

i wish you lots of luck and hope things get better for you both

Answer 4

Hi, I have two children aswell, i have a very big loud and busy toddler and i have just had a baby girl 14 weeks ago who doesnt sleep! Being a mum is so hard, especially of young children and it is so common for parents to loose interest in sex. I would suggest that you don't be hard on yourself, talk to your partner about your feelings and if you are still worried go and see your GP. I think every women suffers with this to some degree after havng children, it will get better, xxxxx

Answer 5

It's possible you are suffering from postpartum depression. It happens to a lot of women and if left untreated it can become a serious problem. It's also possible that you are just running yourself ragged trying to take care of two kids and still have your own life. Also if you have gone on any kind of birth control since the birth of your 2 year old that can also mess with your sex drive. I advise you to speak with a doctor and see what he thinks.

Answer 6

I agree with Jennifer L on that note because, you have 2 children a home and even a job to run, but raising children and taking care of a home is a job on it's own. So dealing with this takes a toll on your sex life. What I advise which is what I am discussing with my husband as well, is to have a talk and tell your husband how you feel and hope to get to an agreement . If your husband expect you to do all a woman is suppose to do he will not get pleased. It is not fair you did not have these children by yourself and just because he works it does not mean his responsibilities end there. If discussing this with your husband do not work draw up a contract, that is what I did with mine, because if I wanted my sex life back on fire and his as well he had to work with me, because I am not an robot. neither are you

Answer 7

Does it bother your husband? does he realise that your most potent erogenous zone is between your ears not between your legs? He can play a big part in getting you interested again. I went off sex when my daughters were little and it stayed that way until my elder daughter started going out with boys; my husband wasn't particularly bothered but I was determined that my offspring weren't going to have a better sex life than I did, and by that time (they were 14 and 16) I had some time to think about what I wanted and set about making it more satisfying than it had ever previously been. I am now 53 and sex is great but is your husband prepared to wait until you're kids are 14 and 16? Communicate and get him to help you out

Answer 8

You need to spice up your love life. try buying yourself a vibrator. Get your hubby to take the kids out for a little while and then go upstairs , close the curtains and have fun. Once you start using the vibrator you wont want to stop. It is the most sensational thing you will ever buy. Once your comfortable using it introduce it into your normal sex life . both you and your partner will never look back. take it from someone who knows. good luck and happy buzzing.

Answer 9

So funny how Jennifer assumes the husband is at fault for this without any supporting information and she did not even answer your question.

This is common and you should see a Dr. about this. Tell your husband you are aware of this issue and are going to seek help to take care of this. He will be very happy that you also see this as an issue.

Make this a huge priority as your marraige and family life may in fact depend on resolving this. To him it is as if you were ignoring or holding out on one of his most basic needs. I am sure you would at some point consider leaving if he did something liek this to you. (not sex but something as basic to you).

Goof for yu for recognizing this.

Answer 10

I saw your answer to one of my questions and I wanted to comment on it and saw your questions so here goes.

I think something, sometime has happened to your wife. She may have be sexually abused somehow when she was young or her self esteem may be so low she doesn't find herself attractive. If it's the first one please go seek counseling for both of you and if she won't do that go by yourself. If she is very overweight sign both of you up at Weight watchers. Even if you don't have a weight problem yourself it's important for her to have you support her in that. It's scary going alone. I've never actually not wanted to have sex but was overweight and didn't feel good about myself. I lost 26 pounds and even though I have a ways to go I feel like one hot momma and our sex life has just taken off. I think you could help your wife if you tried. Good luck.