Wife and parents are not going along well, need help.?

Question

Hi, we've been married since past 1.5 years. It was an arranged marriage, for which i gave up on a long relationship. All things kept aside, i married her for the sake of keeping my parent's wish and to see them happy. Anyways, Soon we had a kid too.

All was fine until now, however soon after we had the kid. I find some behavorial changes in my wife. She now get angry frequently and has developed a tendency of interpreting conversations wrongly. She always thinks that my family is conspiring against her or is saying things to hurt her. Which is not true, as i've myself noticed her misinterpreting things. This is spoiling relations in the house, as well as between us.

Is this some hormonal change that she is going through after pregnency, which will subdue with time or its something else? I wonder what should i do???

your advice/help would be much appreciated...

Answer 1

no its not pregnancy related...its been 1.5 years...and women in India where the bahu is mostly supressed start to speak against whatever happens with them only after a year or two....they suffer whatever behavior is metted out to them out of fear...she might have felt this before....try to get to the root of the problem? may be she is wrong may be not...
But in Indian scenario...I have observed that after marraige in 95 % of the homes women are supressed and have are treated as they have only resposibilities to serve and please everyone in the house...nobody cares what she wants and whats her liking...and she suffers everything out of fear and shyness...but gradually with time when she becomes comfortable she starts expressing herself...and sometimes the mothers in laws are more then controlling...and out of fear of losing their sons they are always finding a reason to show the daughters in law down... they feel that if the son and daughter in law are happy together their son will forget them...and sometimes the girls get so fed up of things that they opt to separate from the parents especially if the husband is not understanding...and then they are blamed for breaking the house...I had seen this happen with most married gals around me....and then when I got married I found out that My mother in law was very good toward me in front of my husband and father in law but she too had this insecurity of losing her son...I tried alll my best by looking after her and giving her love and care...but nothing happened..and I cannot tell this to my husband as he will never believe it as he loves his mother too much...we were very happy during the initial part of our marriage ...but due to his parents efforts ..he started illtreating me in few months( I know he loves me and I love him more then my life) and I left him with his parents instead of taking the blame of separating him from his parents..that life...I could never believe that a mother could herself spoil her own bloods life...but thats a fact...have seen it and experienced it....I know its very difficult for you guys to accept that your parents are the cause of the fights between you...
sometimes there are women who want to stay separate ..may be that too...
so first make sure where the fault lies...is it with your wife or your parents and then have a nice talk...and try to rid your parents or your wife of their insecurities..and have a happy family...its the guy who needs to balance himself between his family and his new responsibilities...if he only expects from his wife then he will get nowhere ....he needs to realize his responsibilities towards his wife and kids

Answer 2

hi, some women go through post partum depression, and yes many hormonal changes after delivery, which could be one reason for her behavior change but that is not the main thing here

you gave up a long term relationship with someone else and married this woman for sake of your parents - that was very wrong of you

then you had a child with her, which was again wrong because you married her for the wrong reasons

whatever is done is done, i think you should sit and discuss with her and tell her that you are by her side, always and she should ignore the parents and rest of the family as you two are parents now and you both need to concentrate on your child.

you, your wife and your baby are the most important right now and you should stand by her. i am not saying to start a war with your parents, just calm everything down. talk to your parents if need be, and request them to go easy for a bit.

i assume you are living with your parents. if that is the case, then your wife and your parents MUST live happily and without arguments otherwise on long term it will affect your kid's development as he will grow up seeing arguments everyday, and it will affect your relationship with your wife.

if things get worse then i would suggest you and your wife move out.

good luck

Answer 3

First of all you should NOT have to choose between your parents and your wife. They seem to be putting you in the middle and thats just awful! When you go to visit your parents stay in a hotel not at their home. This gives your wife the space she needs at the end of a long day of visiting with your relatives. I do not think its your parents fault or your wifes. They simply just do not get along and its not up to you to fix it sweetheart. That is between them. Go to visit- have a great time. Hopefully both sides will behave themselves for the sake of this little child they share!!! Not u the baby! lol But definetely consider getting a hotel room so that your wife has something to call her own while u r visiting. Somewhere she can fully relax and vent! Good Luck

Answer 4

Take your wife out on a special date (only you and her, leave the kid with someone). During the date, speak to her and tell her that she should not feel threaten or misconceive issues. Also, try and find out if there is actually a problem between her and your parents. It is not safe to just assume that there isn't. Just do this and try to mend things before the deteriorate further. Most of all, show her love and understanding. Cheers

Answer 5

Not knowing your wife personally, this could very well be a hormonal imbalance playing out in her behaviour, but my initial reaction to your question is that she has always felt like this.
As a women we tend to come out of our shells - so to speak - once we have children. We begin to grow a voice if we have had none before, we tend to start demanding to be respect, acknowledged and accounted for where as before we may have been happy to remain anonomous.
She may have always felt like this towards you family, but only now feels secure enough or comfortable enough to express herself
From a womens percpective i would try to detached from what she is saying - even if it is hurtful - and try to really hear what she is saying. Maybe it has nothing to do with your family but a stress she is feeling about being a mother, or having an arranged marriage herself. communicate with her with a loving heart, and you might se a different perspective

Answer 6

i have 3 children.
we women DO go through some hormonal changes after having a baby...it lasts several weeks after the baby is born.
try to be understanding...we don't want to act this way..but our bodies are trying to get back to normal after having gone through a very stressful event (birth)...as for her behavior around your parents...it might be that she is scared to loose you.
after having a child a woman's family, (baby, husband)become VERY important to her.
maybe you and your wife and child could go away together on a family holiday...JUST you, NO in-laws, etc. i know that family is excited about the baby...but sometimes we mothers feel crowded, and that everyone only cares about the baby and not us. (i know it sounds silly, but it's all part of becoming a mother).
maybe she is scared about being a mom, and is worried about doing something wrong....that can cause her to become irritated and she might take it out on everyone else.

just sit her down, just the two of you NO ONE ELSE AROUND and say, "i love you, i love our child...what is wrong? what i can i do?"
she may take a while to come around, but if you show her love and comfort...she may talk to you.

if this continues after the baby is several months old...this MAY be a serious case of what is called Severe postpartum depression...and she will need to seek out a doctors help! it doesn't happen all the time, but it can.

Answer 7

Thats not hormonal,that a *****.Shes wait a long time to do this,now hes got some power (probably based on the baby)and starts to change her mind.

Probably she is gonna continue with problems with you directly.
Obviously she is looking for trouble,i wouldnt trust her.
Good luck.

Answer 8

hi! a woman undergoes many changes during pregnancy and after delivery. physical ones are seen by all,but emotional changes are not and hence not understood. be patient with her. it's just a matter of time. shower her with lots of love and affection and appreciation too. this is the time she needs u the most. u will never regret standing by her, the mother of ur child!

Answer 9

Talk to her doctor in private they can test her for Hormonal imbalance.

She may be stressed out, with the child.

She needs time.

Answer 10

Hi i dont hv much knowledge abt that but i think ur wife needs love affection from u... After pregnancy her love is diverted to ur child..
She has responsibilities of ur family of ur child.. May be she
is mentally disturbed... Try to talk to her ask her d reasons why she
is behaving like this why she is reacting to small things... May be
she is not expressive, u try and talk to her even if she dont want..
U r living wd ur family and her that attitude wl affect ur family and ur
relation also.. Ask her d reasons. compel her and say her that
her behavious is disturbing others also... May be after pregnancy she start getting angry on small matters, discuss wd her why she is reacting like this on small things.. Nd u can also ask some
doctor abt that why ur wife is behaving like ths after pregnancy.. May be doctor wl tell u abt that... or may be after pregnancy such
thing wl happen.. Sorry i dont hv knowledge but u try nd talk to
her plz if u want to save ur relation...