Seperated because he won't/can't grow up?

Question

My dh and i have been seperated for over a month (our third time), we have two young children.

My experience is that he is just like a teenager; and just like a teenager you can't ask him to plan for the future, he can't forsee the consequences of hisr actions, he is impulsive undisciplined and selfish, he is unpredictble and at times untrustworthy and unreliable, he wants to spend all his time with friends yet have the safety of his family to come home too. And he just does not do well with responsibility at all. He just doesn't get my above concerns

Now given all that i know i have made the right desicion to seperate, but has anyone else had to make a desicion like this even though they still loved the person. Like you knew that if you where to be truly honest with your self you accepted that your husband was not marriage material and could never provide emotionaly, physically or spiritualy for his family yet it hurt because it was like loosing a best friend?
Make sence?

Answer 1

I was in this same position 14 years ago. It did not get any better. He is on his second marriage and still has not grown up. Get out while you can and make sure you give your children extra attention and don't ever bad mouth him to your children and you will have a wonderful relationship with them. good luck.

Answer 2

It does not make sense.

Hon, I think you made the wrong decision. You SHOULD be with him, especially for the children's sake! You are being very selfish in this and you are expecting way too much from him.

That's the honest truth! Take it or leave it!

Unless he is a very dangerous and evil person, you really have no good reason to be seperated!!
You cannot force him to change, which you are trying to do by leaving him. If he's to change you must give him time, support, faith, love, encouragement. Not "change or I leave with the kids". Thats horrible!! How would you feel if you had some problem he didn't like and he kept leaving you and taking the kids?

Just take care of him!

YOU PICKED HIM. YOU LIVE WITH HIM. You picked him. You had children with him. You love him (?). Stop being a bully and stay with the man you chose to marry, the man you chose to have a family with, and the with the man you love.
That's the BEST thing to do.

Go read "The Proper Care And Feeding of Husband's" and "Woman Power". They will help you immensily.

And maybe you should not get a job outside the home. I'll bet that you've had ajob outside the home since day 1 of your marriage, right? This takes away from his "manhood" and responsibilities and oppurtunity for growth and development.

Answer 3

Th very real pain, suffering, hurt, and confusion you are experiencinge is going to be with you for sometime; at least until you find another significant other.

You seem like a good hearted, intelligent person capable of analyzing this situation. There are two questions you need to ask yourself:

1) HOW LONG are you willing to wait for this "teenager" to grow up? If you are willing to wait many more years (some guys, Sister, don't really grow up until their 50's when they finally realize that they are going die one day) then keep him around and deal with it. Accept the bad with the good. However, if already given him enough time to grow up in your view, walk away fast and sure. Then stay away. I guarantee he isn't sitting around worrying. He is out doing the immature things teenagers do and I don't mean reading comic books.

Your time is precious and should not be wasted.

2) What affect is this idiot "teenager" having on damaging your children's view of marriage and relationships. Do you even for one moment want your children to think that the way this guy is treating you is righteous and "normal"? NO WAY, girl. Think about your children and their futures.

A fine gentleman worthy of you and your children lies just around the corner if you can be patient. Just make sure you don't connect up with a clone of your teenage ex.

Good luck. You deserve the very best, don't you? Not some "I won't grow up" idiot.

Answer 4

Been there and left my high school sweetheart who i have two kids with and it really broke my heart. Its been twelve years and he is still the same guy that i was with when i was in high school he has not changed one bit, he is very immature. MY kids and i say my kids cause im the one who takes care of them and supports them, love him to death even though me and him arent good together whenever the kids go see him they love him and always have a great time, it has worked out for the best and maybe yours will too good luck

Answer 5

It makes perfect sense. In situations like that, one is the stronger one with a good sense of direction to life. You know you're not going to change him and you gotta do what makes you happy.

Answer 6

never i would even look in the direction of a person u just described. so if u want to waste your life and in several years become old, ill (all old people re ill with smth), without money, house, kids re gone with thier families and blaming u for not providing them with stable happy childhood - stay with him, cos u "love " him. whatever that means. shouldn't u like "love" your children now? if u re a real mother? i am a real mother, i would dump anyone who wouldn't fit for my children and wouldn't provide them with nice future(i already did once)

Answer 7

My husband was immature and selfish too. We're divorced thankfully no kids. The thing is this is your 3rd time being separated and you have kids. that has a very negative impact on children and I'm sure they're confused I would say end it for the kid' s sake.

Answer 8

I doubt whether he will change much. I hope you are economically independent. Remain separate for 6 months if you want to divorce him. May be some miracle will happen and he will become all that what you want him to be.

Answer 9

Ok, I was never married to him, because I refused, I wouldn't even let him live with me, but I was with a guy for 16 years, who, like your guy, refused to grow up. I finally left him, we have on daughter together.
Yes, I still have feelings for him, but I know he will never change. He always wanted me available for him on his time, but no responsibilities. It was a very hard decision, but the best one for me and my daughter.

Answer 10

he maybe grown up but between all the seprating and stuff their is a lot of confusion on what is going on .he may have no other place he wants to be but thinks its not what you want really .or you may need to seprate for good .