Why should I care?
Why should I care?
About your affection
If now is very late
To love you
Why should I care?
If you adore me
If now I have no reason
For wanting you
Why should I care?
To see you suffer thus
When I needed you most
You didn’t even give love
Why Should I care?
To see you’re crying
If as many times I cried myself
Why should I care?
If your voice is calling me
When for you I never existed
Why should I care?
This sadness in your eyes
If in my eyes
I have more sadness
To cry than yours
Why Should I care?
To see you so sad
If sad I was
And you never cared
Why should I care?
About your affection now…
If for me
My life is over
Finished!
HELP ME WITH MY ENGLISH TO MAKE THIS BETTER.
ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE!
2006-11-13 21:08:24 · 6 answers · asked by marcela_ipa 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Thank YOU that really helped me, and yes I do need to read more.
"some girl" tying to write a poem...yes you got the one right!
Thanks again...you guys rock!
2006-11-13 21:35:26 · update #1
WOW I really think that your poem is beautiful and the guy above me helped you make it even better...I think you 2 should make money out of it!
Best of Luck!
People will put you down, just follow your heart...read more, study the English Language...and keep on writing beautiful!
Thanks for sharing w/ us!
2006-11-14 09:54:06 · answer #1 · answered by GoodyGirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a poem. All of your language is within acceptable boundaries for English poetry. On the third line, I would go with "Now it is very late" to make it sound better. Also, I would have gone with "If I was sad" instead of "If sad I was". Really, you need to read e.e. cummins:
i have found what you are like
i have found what you are like
the rain,
(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields
easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike
the air in utterable coolness
deeds of green thrilling light
with thinned
newfragile yellows
lurch and.press
-in the woods
which
stutter
and
sing
And the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss
For English poetry, grammar and punctuation and capital letters are considered optional.
2006-11-14 05:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by Wise1 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe poetry is the way to become better at English. Poetry is more about creativity and saying what is in your heart more than it is about grammar and command of the English language. I would recommend writing blogs over poetry for that purpose.
I like the poem by the way.
2006-11-14 05:13:15 · answer #3 · answered by rath 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
3rd line=if now is too late
12th line=you wouldn't even love
14th line=to see you crying
15th line=when I've cried more times
21st and 22nd lines=since these eyes have more
26th line=If I was sad
31st line=love hope is dead
http://judgeright.blogspot.com
Why should I care
about your affection,
if now is too late
to love you?
Why should I care
if you adore me
if now I have no reason
for wanting you?
Why should I care
if I see you suffer thus?
When I needed you most
you wouldn't even love.
Why should I care
to see you crying
when I've cried
many more times?
Why should I care
if your voice is calling
when for you
I never existed?
Why should I care,
this sadness in your eyes,
since these eyes
have cried more?
Why should I care
to see you so sad
if I was sad
and you never cared?
Why should I care
about your affection now,
since for me hope
of love is dead?
2006-11-14 05:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some Girl.........
Trying to write a poem..........
Wasting her 5 Points.......
Why should i care..............?????
2006-11-14 05:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by Peter_Jackson_Fan 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Even if we help u girl, u won't become another "Alice Cary" :)
2006-11-14 05:22:02 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ jolie ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋