Where can I go, or who can I see to help me with some very difficult life problems.?

Question

I'm a 51 year old white male living in Indianapolis who has really screwed up. I have no job, $800 to my name. Very serious legal and financial problems. I'm about 2-3 months away from losing my house. Sometimes suicidal but still optomistic. My wife has a prescription drug addiction along with severe depression. She is also very reluctant to work. I still have reasonably good health but I seriously lack desire and passion for a meaningful life or vocation. Does anyone have any suggestions, without being mean, for what I should do to get myself out of this feeling of being worthless? I'm tired of being this way for the last 11 years or so. I feel that I can still do a lot of good if only someone would give me a chance.

Answer 1

Well, I would suggest first off that you try to seek employment if at all possible.I just mean to say that when people are unemployed they tend to become very depressed. It sounds like you are very depressed. I dont know if you are in any type of counseling or on medication for depression, but if you are not you may want to think about seeking some type of help with this issue.
If you are unemployed, in some states they have what is known as legal aid programs which may be able to help you with your financial problems say if you thought you needed to file bankruptcy. Since you were not specific about your legal problems Im not sure what to say on that.
If your wife has an addiction to a medication it sounds like you may want to look into getting her help to overcome that. I know that sometimes people are very unwilling to seek treatment for these things, but sometimes you have to get very insistent on it.Let them know how much it bothers you and how bad it makes you feel.
If she is suffering from severe depression as well, her addiction may be causing some of it. especially if she is addicted to a tranquilizer or pain med. I know that having one emotionally unstable person in a family can actually cause the others to have those same problems so I would hope that it is an option for you and your wife to seek help in this area.
It sounds like to me that you want to feel better and have a productive life otherwise you would not be seeking advice .
So you just have to focus on one thing at a time and begin to make changes in your life to the things that are bothering you or are making you unhappy. This is hard sometimes it seems overwhelming. So maybe you could start with the most immediate problem and work from there, but make changes, focus on one goal at a time.
I feel for you. I have been where you are myself and sometimes it feels like you will never dig yourself out of the deep dark hole you are in, but you can if you focus on what is making you unhappy and work to change it.

Answer 2

first off, you may find help talking to a minister or church group. I don't know what your legal problems are, but if they involve criminal charges then you are screwed. If it is just getting sued or something, don't sweat it, they can't get blood from a turnip. And if the wife can't get control of the perscription drug addiction, she's gotta go. Not trying to be mean, but Drug Addiction has destroyed many lives of folks who cared about an addict. You need to start over, find a job, any job, and start working your way up. Very few people truly love their jobs, and we all have to make ourselves get up and go to work every day. TV has made it seem like everyone whould have these great jobs that a fullfilling and make you feel good, and pay great, and make the world a better place, and all that bulls***. You have to drag your butt up and go to work day in and day out, because it's the only legal way to make money to live on. If you lose the house, you move into an apartment. You sell a bunch of your stuff to get money and quit buying stuff you don't really need till you are back on your feet again. I spent a couple of years eating Ramen Noodles and Mac-n-Cheese, because that's all I could afford to eat and still pay the rent in my shabby run down little apartment. But I kept plugging away, kept trying to get better jobs, and eventually I got hired on at a better place. Did I stop there? No, I kept looking for better employment while getting experience, and I found a much better job a couple of years later, doubling my income. I was able to save up and buy a better car, and eventually buy a house.
Keep trying, and you'll get there!

Answer 3

You are the same age as I was when my last son was born.. He is now 22 years old. I accepted that event as a new lease on life and had the next 16 years almost vanish in its rapidity.

Perhaps a similar situation would help turn your life around (as you put it). That similar factor could be almost anything you can find to latch on to. Anything to stimulate your mind into a much less depressive state. The change in the chemistry of the brain would allow you to think much more clearly and on positives, rather than the negatives you find so plentiful now.

If nothing else is available, I need help in dealing with people who have similar problems. Could give you an entirely new outlook on life.. just to be able to help another. Once you get the onus off you, you will find ways to progress out of the area you find yourself in. Clearer thinking being the immediate reward.

Answer 4

If your wife has a drug addiction and severe depression it isn't fair to say she's "reluctant to work". She may not be able to.

Without knowing more about your situation (and I'm not asking for more, just commenting on the limitations here), I can only make a couple of guesses about what you may possibly be able to do.

First, if you're about to lose your house can you file bankruptcy in order to save it? I know that's drastic, and I know its a last resort; but if it gave you a chance to reorganize and (I don't know if they do this, but you could ask) put past payments into the bankruptcy it may help you.

Chances are the lack of desire and passion for a meaningful life is from your own mood. If you live under chronic and unrelenting financial and legal problems you'll be so stressed out you could have some version of depression or at least exhaustion. If you live under stress for too long you first get elevated cortisol levels, which raise blood pressure and cause difficulty concentrating. If it goes too long your adrenal gland can run out of it (essentially), and you can get so depleted and frazzled-feeling you can't do much of anything.

Honestly, I think you should start with some kind of counselor who may be able to help you sort out the issues one at a time. You've got your wife's problems and legal problems and house problems all mucked in one one disaster.

Maybe a counselor could talk your wife into getting some help.

Consider refinancing your house if that would help. Do it in a way that would result in your getting some money if possible.

Consider fixing up and renting a room to, say, a divorce man who works and needs a room.

If you haven't done so go to your state welfare office and see if there is any kind of help with finding a job or getting you or your wife on some kind of disability program. Ask if there is some emergency assistance if you're about to become homeless. Sometimes there may be.

Keep looking for work. It doesn't have to be your dream job. Just getting out and talking to other people a little can make you feel better. Look for a job that is just kind of a simple one with a paycheck and maybe some health insurance. If you had a job and could do something like rent a room that would be a little income.

Volunteer to do some kind of work in your community. It would also be something to get you out and talking to people and feeling better about yourself.

If you don't yet have one find an attorney who may be able to help you pro bono. There are referrals for people without incomes. Whatever your legal and financial problems are, maybe an attorney could also help you do some sorting out of it all; and give you some guidance.

Your description of being "sometimes suicidal but still optimistic" is very common for people in severe financial trouble or legal trouble. Try to keep a positive attitude and just tell yourself that sometimes, after you've done everything you can possibly do, there's no point spinning your wheels over it. You just go with whatever is going on and move on from there.

I would think your wife could get disability if she has an addiction, and maybe then someone would help her get help for it.

Can you do something like paint for extra money? When people hire someone to paint all they want is someone who does a good job and doesn't make a giant mess of what isn't being painted. Can you mow lawns, pick up stuff that people need taken from their yards, or plow snow (if you live where there is any)? In other words, is there anything you could do to make extra money even if it isn't your dream job? Something like a gas station job with enough hours, renting a room (two if you have them) in your house, painting people's outdoor stuff or walls or wallpapering, and any income your wife could get from, maybe, SSI, should add up to more than you have now.

If you got even some simple things going and were out talking to people and feeling more a part of things even that much would make you feel more worthwhile.

Other than that, you probably could see if there's some kind of training you could get (even if you had to look for financial assistance or check with your state to see if you'd be eligible for any training or tuition waivers); and take that approach.

That's all I can think of. Best of luck.

Answer 5

I would love to be able to help you. You can get my contact info from my web site. I'm not in a vocation that gives me credentials to assist you, but I know someone you could see that could help and I personally have been successful in helping others just due to some knowledge I have about life and livingness. Also programs I know of that can assist in drug withdrawals. My web site is www.CreateOurWorld.com.

Answer 6

Not that complex, I am studying as I grow older that I haven't any manage over the sector that I can most effective do what I can do and the leisure I depart in my God's fingers. Life isn't as difficult as we believe it's.

Answer 7

Do not worry

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Struggles produce Hope
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Trust in God and He will provide, I hope i helped some. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Whether you accept my counsel or not what I think is you need god's guidence for your life. Please go to a good church and take counsel regarding Gods plan for your life. It will be peaceful. God (Jesus ) loves you.

Answer 9

HI,i WILL TRY TO MAKE THIS SHORT, FOR YOU WILL LIKE TO READ OTHER PEOPLE OPINIONS. I AM 39 YEARS OLD AND BEEN MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS... I DO NOT HAVE THE PROBLEMS THAT YOU HAVE BUT ONE THING FOR SURE THAT KEPT ME FROM SLIPPING AND FALLING AND STAYING DOWN IS GOD'S PRESECENS. NOW THAT YOU ARE INTO DEEP PROBLEMS AND IS HARD TO SWIM OUT OF THE THEM CAUSE YOU ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF "THE PROBLEM LAKE". BUT YOU FISRT NEED TO FIX YOUR SELF, LOOK FOR GOD ASK HIM WITH ALL YOU HEART TO HELP YOU AND I PROMISE HE WILL BE THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY IS GOING TO TAKE TIME BECAUSE I BEIIEVE THAT YOU ALLOW THE PROBLEMS TO BUILD UP AND IGNORED THEM AND NOW YOU ARE OVERWELMN. FIX YOUSELF FIRST SO YOU BE STRAIGHT THEN FIX ONE PRBLEM AT THE TIME IS HARD BUT IT NEED TO BE DONE THE PROBLEMS ARE NOT GOING AWAY UNLESS WE FIX THEM. TRY TO HELP YOUR WIFE SUPPORT HER IT WILL TAKE LONG FOR HER TOO BECAUSE SHE NEED TO COME TO TERM WITH HER PROBLEMS AND FACE THEM LIKE YOU ARE TRYIING TO DO...IN LIFE WE HAVE A POWER THE POWER TO CHOOSE OUR PATH YOU MADE SOME WRONG CHOICE BUT HEY DO NOT GET SCARED WE YES WE INCLUDING ME BECASE I AM HOPING THAT WITH MY ADVICE YOU SEE THAT THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY BUT KEEP YOUR FAITH IN GOD HE PROMISE HE WILL BE THERE WHEN WE CALL ON HIM.. LIFE SEEM TO BRING US THINGS THAT WE COULD DO WITH OUT BUT THEY ARE THERE FOR TEACHING US A LESSON AND YOU HAVE TO FIGURE WHAT IT IS. iF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE HELP HER. IF YOU DO NOT LOVE HER HELP HER ANYWAY JUST LIKE YOU NEED HELP SHE NEEDS IT TOO....IM THINKING THAT IF YOU FEEL YOU DO NOT CARE FOR HER WAIT BECASE YOU MIGHT DO IS JUST THE PROBLEMS ARE MAKING IT HARD FOR YOU TO GE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELING.....I AM BETTING ON YOU TO COME OUT TRIUNFANT CAUSE ALL GOD BELIEVERS DO... BELIEVE IN HIM JUST LIKE I AM BELIEVING IN YOU I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING IF GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT BUT WITH TIME. REMEMBER THE WORLD WAS NOT MADE IN ONE DAY. IT TOOK SEVEN DAYS AND THAST IS COMING FROM THE MAN OF MEN THE KING OF KINGS WHY BECAUSE IT TAKE TIME AND LOTS OF THINKING TO MAKE THINGS WORK PROPERLY. AND YOU WILL DO SAME THING YOU'LL SEE. GOOD LUCK AND HANG IN THERE....IF BY ANY CHANCES YOU LOOSE YOUR HOUSE AND OTHER THINGS. REMEMBER THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OF STARTING NEW. YOU MAY NOT HAVE LUXURY BUT YOU HAVE YOURSELF AND GOD NEXT TO YOU AND I AM HOPING YOUR WIFE AND KIDS NEXT TO YOU GIVING SUPPORT JUST LIKE I WILL FROM THE DISTANCE EVEN THOUGH WE DO NOT NOW EACH OTHER....I AM NOT A CHURCH GOING PERSON BUT I AM A FIRM BELIEVER OF GOD AND HIS MIGHTY LOVE.....AND LAST.... STAY AWAY FROM OLD BAD HABBITS AND INVEST IN SOME NEW CONSTRUCTIVE POSITIVE ONES.... TAKE CARE.......I HOPE I GAVE YOU THE TOOLS THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO CARRY YOUR CROSS AND MAKE IT JUST A LITTLE LESS HEAVY.... TAKE TIME TO STOP APPRECIATE THE GOOD THINGS EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT THAT MUCH EMBRACE EXTRACT SOME ENERGY FROM THAT AND CARRY ON......LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU....CHAO... I TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT BUT SO MANY THINGS THAT I NEED TO SAY IS HARD TO WRITE THE ALL DOWN.... JUST KEEP THE FAITH IN YOU YOU ARE VERY VALUABLE FOR YOUR SELF YOUR FAMILY AND OTHER.... THANK YOU FOR LEETING ME COME INTO YOU LIFE AND TRY TO GIVE YOU A RAY OF SUN SHINE.....