Last night I had a conversation with my husband, where I asked him if he can be honest with his family and tell them that he married me. If he can imagine having a real family with me, with children and all. He replied that he has been thinking about it and he knows me, and thinks that I am nice, and so why shouldn't he? But not now, and also that I need a whack sometimes to put me in shape. I lost my breath. I asked him what a whack is. "Whatever it takes, it depends on the situation." he said. He says that sometimes I sound irrational or too emotional. "Is a whack to scream at me or literally whack me?" I asked. "It is whatever the circumstances needs" he replied. I need some good, serious, sound advice here. Bear in mind that he has been a husband and a stepfather for three years now.
2006-11-13 17:41:14 · 14 answers · asked by ms_moonlight1977 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cannot meet his family, since they live in another country. However, I have lived in his country for some time, and got to know his family then. As far as they know, we got engaged, and then we broke it off. And now we are just friends, and he is living with me as a friend....
2006-11-14 02:27:50 · update #1
You have been warned.
2006-11-13 17:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by karldon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am getting here that his family does not know about your marriage??? Wow, lol, and there are kids?
I would talk a lot to the kids about your marriage as far as 'Oh, I love been married to Daddy' or teach them your anniversary date. This leaves room for slippage around the parents. That would personnally tick me right off! You could wait til your anniversary and then ask his family to watch your kids while you went out for your anniversary (oops), lol.
As for the whack... in our early years my hubby would say things like that and play smack me on the rear... he was kidding around. That almost sounds like what he might be doing. Your call on that as you were there. If you don't think he was joking, he might be 'warning' you on bringing up the whole family knowing thing. Because this is a marriage.. I wouldn't threaten to leave him or anything. He sounds like you can communicate with him. Sit down with him calmly one night and let him know that this put you off a little. The not wanting kids right now may be totally normal. I want one more and my hubby doesn't right now - he still loves me and there is nothing odd about our differing opinions. But the fact that his family doesn't know your married - I guess the first question is why not? After three yrs they have to know you live together. With the whacking thing, if he has never struck you before, he may be feeling you out. Let him know calmly that you won't stand for that. If he has struck you then just be cautious on how you talk to him.
I don't know, there are so many factors that we don't know about the conversation that makes it hard to advise. I just think calmly letting him know that the conversation wasn't clear to you and left you unsettled might be the best thing.
Good Luck to you! I hope this helped.
2006-11-14 03:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by The cat did it. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there are some issues that are bothering him, but he can't really articulate them. "Whacking" isn't acceptable, but you are over-reacting. Rather than be defensive, you should keep an open mind and get him to tell you what it is that you do that makes him want to whack you sometimes. Even if he says things that are unreasonable, you should acknowledge his point of view and show that you understand where he is comming from. Once you have the issues out in the open you can focus on the ones that you can find common ground on. Good luck!
2006-11-14 01:52:16 · answer #3 · answered by Zloar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is asinine that he has been married to you for three years and has not told his family. Is he ashamed of you? Why hasn't he told them? I don't like the whack comment he made. Screaming nor hitting should be acceptable and both are abusive. And also, he should have a family with you because you are nice? That is the best he can come up with? RUN AND GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!! YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS JERK
2006-11-14 01:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he was joking or if he really intends to pursue phyiscal abuse later on. Tell him 'do I really need to be abused like this from a life patner' and ask him how he would feel like if you kicked him in the balls occasionally. Sometimes men just mouth off and say stupid things in the heat of an argument so make sure he was just being stupid but if he's serious...walk out after the first time that he hits you but make sure he knows before that this is not acceptable behaviour. Tell him that if he ever hits you, this relationship will be over.
2006-11-14 01:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with KARLDON. You have been warned. Don't let it get to the point of actual violence. I know it is scary but get away now!!! Do you know that one day he might just decide your kids need a "Whack" to keep them in line? If he thinks it is OK for you he will definitely think it is OK for your kids. Find somewhere FAR FAR away from him!!!!
2006-11-14 03:00:49 · answer #6 · answered by cas2173 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been married for three years and his family doesn't know then your husband has SERIOUS issues. Have you met his family?
He sounds like a potential abuser, and a jerk. I am so sorry for you and the heartache you must feel.
If he cannot or will not announce your marriage perhaps it is because he is married already--something they know and you don't. I'd run from him as fast as I could.
2006-11-14 01:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by chillsister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres definately something wrong I would think if you have been married to him for three years and he still hasn't told his family that he marrried you. Have you ever talked to them or met them? If so why not just flash your wedding ring around but not say anythiing. You know reach for something in front of them so they have a good view of it, talk with your hands, stuff like that and see if something is mentioned or if it opens you being married to for discussion and see what they have to say.
2006-11-14 10:24:21 · answer #8 · answered by playfulcandy26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is unwilling to tell his family you are married, then he won't have to bother telling them you are divorced. Win-win!
2006-11-14 01:50:18 · answer #9 · answered by toothfairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing to do with his family. If he is irresponsible, he will be. Family won't stop him from doing anything.
2006-11-14 10:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um? You married him? I think I would get away.
2006-11-14 02:03:59 · answer #11 · answered by homeschoolmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋