My grandfather (mom's dad) died yesterday unexpected. He was only 68. My mom is so totally not herself, like she has been lying in bed crying for 2 days! I loved my grandfather but he lived 3 states away, so really I have only seen him a few times in my life.
Although I did love him I can't really feel the pain that my mom must feel. I have tried to comfort her but evertime I do she grabs me and starts crying on my shoulder and saying that we kids (me and my sister and brother) take our dad for granted, and we should never take him for granted.
This depresses me because all of us kids have a decent relationship with the both of our parents but sometimes we just don't really show it outwardly.
So why does my mom turn her grief into something unbearable for all of us? I think my mom is using this as a reason to feel sorry for herself and the same time make all of us miserable. I would like some advice...thanks
2006-11-13 17:13:14 · 8 answers · asked by debra m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Even my dad is putting a guilt trip on me. He says I should be staying home more for a couple of days and show respect for my grandfather and support my mom. He even threw in about how I might feel it it was MY father (him) that had passed away.
Im starting to feel like this is my fault. :(
2006-11-13 17:26:57 · update #1
It sounds like you are extremely ungrateful. Your mother has just lost her father and you should do whatever it takes to be supportive and loving. Cherish the time you do have with your parents because someday it will be gone. You are being completely insensitive to your mother's feelings.
2006-11-14 05:48:30 · answer #1 · answered by Me, again 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People express their grief differently. This is a great loss for your mom. It was her dad. She remembers a lifetime of growing up with him. Because he was far away you didn't get the same opportunity to know him like your mom does. She's hurting inside. Right now, even when she seems a little out there, she really just needs your hugs and support. Inside she knows that you love both your parents. It's ok to outwardly hug and show your love to the ones that you care most about in life. Maybe it's time to give it a try. Some people find it hard to say "I Love you" but it does hold great meaning. Sometimes it's to late and you end up wishing you'd said it before it was to late. I promise your mom will be ok. One more thing, it's a terrible shock to lose someone unexpectedly. That makes it so much harder. Best wishes to you.
2006-11-13 17:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Night Wind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She lost her dad, and it's only been 2 days. Don't be selfish. Grief takes on many forms, has stages, and takes time. She's only speaking from her own feelings at the moment, she's not attacking you or trying to make you feel bad. Death is permanent, she's feeling many things that she can longer tell her dad... so she's telling you. Just listen, be patient, and love her through it. And remember, you don't know what unbearable is until it's you that's lost a parent.
2006-11-13 17:25:46 · answer #3 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though your mother is having some guilt issues with her relationship with her father. Maybe there were some words left unsaid, or unresolved issues. Maybe she thought there would always be tomorrow, and now he's gone. She is not thinking clearly right now. She is stricken by grief and when she says that you are taking your father for granted, it's probably because she feels as though she took her father for granted. Just try not to take her remarks too personally right now.
2006-11-13 17:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by scorpio6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family have my deepest thoughts. Unfortunately this sounds like a case of If I could see him one last time I would tell him how much.............
Your mother never told her father how she felt. She probably put off telling him thinks when he was around. Or she never made her peace with him (if they didn't have a good relationship). Be there for your mother and other family members. Don't let anyone make you feel quilty for their feelings. There is a valuable lesson to be learned here. Appreciate your mother and father. And let them know it as frequent and as comfortable as you want. Toodles.
2006-11-13 17:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by Vivian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry for your lost.Your mom is older and has different feelings than you,so go easy on her!Be there for her,help with the housework.Give her a hug and tell her you love her and you are there for her when she wants to talk!
2006-11-13 17:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by gracie4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r mother is going through a rough time n needs xtra emotional support 4rom u guys, so might be getting a lil carried away, its imp. u guys win her with love n affection , make her realise that ur there 4 her n ur taking none of them 4 granted! bol!
2006-11-13 17:20:50 · answer #7 · answered by rare d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said you only seen your grandpa a few times only, so that means you don't really have that bond like you have with your parents,your mom is sad, and will be for the next few days,but try to understand, she is your grandpa's daughter afterall, she definitely has that bond with him, so try to tolerate her for the next few days and don't do anything that might upset them
2006-11-13 17:33:36 · answer #8 · answered by ##$SoulStryker$## 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋