He wants to wait 10yrs!?

Question

Ok, so my bf and I have been dating for 4yrs and I have known for 2 of those years that he he wants to wait to get married until he is around 28yrs old, which would put us at 10yrs of dating. I finally asked him why he wanted to wait so long, and he said he wants to save up as much as possible, eventually move out (within the next 3yrs), and save until he can afford or at least put an incredible amount down on a townhouse. Now that seems logical to me, and I love him to death and support him all the way. My question is, why does he want to wait so long to marry me? If your b/f told you the same thing, would you wait for them?

Answer 1

Ouch! That would certainly upset me. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years (I'm 19 next week, he's 23) and there's no way I'd be happy about waiting 10 years. We're planning on getting engaged within the next year and then I want to wait 3 years before getting married. I think I would be very hurt about waiting 10 years personally.

I think his intentions are pure. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a stable life before you get married, he's probably wanting to be able to provide you with a wonderful life for when you get married.

My suggestion to you would be to talk to him, tell him how you're feeling- make sure you explain that you understand why he would want to wait but tell him that you want to get married before 10 years and you don't mind if everything's not perfect when you get married. You love him and you want that commitment.

If he still insists on waiting then it's up to you if you think he's worth waiting for or if it would be best for both of you to move on.
You don't want to be bitter about the wait by the time you do get married!

At the end of the day if he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with the 10 year wait isn't long when it comes to spending the rest of your lives together..


-Elise

Answer 2

If you agree with his plan (I think it's a sound one). Then why are you questioning it?
Either you support his plan, or you don't!
You say that if you stick with him that it will mean that you are in a dating situation for 10 years? Not as his fiance? I think that 10 years is a long time to invest without more of a commitment than exclusive dating.
Before you invest another year in this relationship, I would recommend that you two sit down & put each of your long term goals for your relationship right out on the table, & hold back on NOTHING. It's great that he is thinking of HIS future, & making plans on how it's going to take shape. But what about your plans? It sounds to me that you are waiting for HIM to tell you what your long term goals are going to be.
Don't make the mistake of only planning your marriage as far as the wedding. The wedding is only one day. After that you will be expected to live the rest of your lives together. If he's giving you 6 more years to make plans for your MARRIAGE, then make good use of the time, & look to your future with him, & ask him lots of questions, & listen carefully to his answers.

Answer 3

Take this relationship slowly. Your boyfriend is being sensible about trying to provide a stable relationship and financial future for the both of you later on. He's right and being mature, its just that you two are dating too young but since you're probably having sex anyway...you might as well hang around with him, see where things go and get married afterwards (not that it makes much of a difference because sex before marriage kind of makes marriage pointless!)

Answer 4

Personally I would not like it. People who do not want a commitment always find excellent excuses. But forcing somebody into a commitment is no good either. So if I were you, after all those years, I would say "good bye dude, I want to be free and not waiting ten years to be told that maybe we were not going to be married." IF he loves you he will ask you to get married. If not, you will have plenty of years to find another nice guy keener on mariage.

Answer 5

To put it bluntly....NO I would NOT wait. He's got committment issues and will still have them at age 28.

As for a down payment on a townhouse, sweetie there are many "little to no money" down payment programs available for first time home buyers. If he were as smart as he wants to appear about finances and real estate he would know this.

He's blowing smoke, walk away and save yourself a hassle and many wasted years.

Answer 6

Love isn't defined or proven by a marriage license... just ask all those that have gotten a divorce. 28 years old is still young, and waiting is smart for many reasons....finanicial security is just one of them. You're both still young and still have some stages to go through. I don't see why you'd need to rush it. It's not like you're in your 30's and your biological clock is ringing off the hook. If you truly do love him, you won't push it and you'll wait til he's ready,... and if you can't do that, then you have to ask yourself if its really love.

Answer 7

He told u why so he can save money thats why sounds like he just wants the best life possible for the 2 of you. and yes i would wait if you love him he is worth waiting for.

Answer 8

this is kind of tricky. Some guys like to bring something to the table before getting married. Maybe he wants some kind of accomplishment before he ties the knot or he could really care about you and still want to keep his options open. As long as you're together does it really matter.

Answer 9

If i really thought he was worth the wait, I would wait. You guys are young. Giving it some time won't hurt anything.

He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. The question now becomes, can you wait for him?

Answer 10

No I would not wait 10 yrs. Anyway he told you why he wants to wait 10 yrs. You said it sound good to you so why are you on here asking this question?