they say you get over a broken heart in time? how much time?

Question

its been 15mo since my ex and i broke up we were married 28yrs. my whole world has changed. he seems to be doing so much better than me. why , cant i leave it at that? he does not date and said he misses someone to hold at night and the sound of me cleaning. he claims he dont love me however, from time to time he will help me. he does not call me, i call him.my heart hurts. any suggestions? he knows i will always love him. how do i get past this?

Answer 1

Honey, if you've truly ended this relationship, your broken heart should have started to heal long ago. The truth of this is that you haven't let go yet and it seems that neither has he. 28 years is a long time. There's a lot of history there, and it's not something that you can just expect to turn the page on and not look back. What is making this so hard to move on, is that you are still dependent upon him, just as he is to you. I hate to say this, but it honestly sounds as though this may not be over. I don't want to put false hopes into your heart, but in reading your question, from what you claim, he's missing alot of the same things and since he hasn't moved on either, it leads me to believe that he's still feeling the same way you are. I know this may be crazy, but have the two of you tried to reconnect? I know he says that he doesn't love you, but I have a feeling that's not entirely true. He may not be "in love" with you, but those are two completely separate things. Couples fall in and out of love all the time honey, this may have just been one of those times and the two of you jumped the gun and decided to end it.

You also have to realize that men, well most men, aren't as outwardly emotional as women. In other words, they keep alot to themselves. They have different ways of dealing with things. If he's hurting, he may just be finding ways to keep busy. YOu know as well as I do that what's on the outside, isn't exactly the pretty picture we imagine on the inside. If you want to find out, stop calling him for awhile....see if he picks up the phone. It's going to be hard, but do it...you have to know one way or another or this unsettling feeling is going to be with you for much longer than you need it to be. Every relationship needs closure, and the two of you never had it...which has you wondering if there's still a chance. Stop calling....find out.

I wish you peace in your heart honey....nobody deserves this much hurt. God Bless.

Answer 2

1st things, 1st. Why are you accepting HELP from your ex? 2nd why did he leave? Do you realize that when someone has spent that much time together, and the other CANT take it anymore, the one who is left behind is the guilty party? Yes, he probably does miss you, from time to time. However, he is unwilling to subjugate himself to you because of various reasons. Did you constantly criticize him, were you a controllling person. People can only tolerate so much. The reason you are still damaged is because you wont face the truth about you. Stop running from yourself and stop trying to get him back. When your emotionally stable, maybe then he could come back. JUST MAYBE! nothing definite, yes he probably cares a great deal about you, but he has to love himself, 1st. It seems that you do not love yourself. You are more concerned about getting him back.

Answer 3

They say time heals all wounds, but it's also true that some wounds may never heal. 28 years is a long time and I'm sorry but you may never fully heal from this.
My heart goes out to you and I can honestly say that I would die if my husband didn't love me anymore. He is my life and soul.
If he misses you and the little things, maybe his heart is broken too.
Stop calling him. Hearing his voice causes you more pain. To fully start to heal, you need to break all ties. Only then can you start over and repair the damage.
I wish you all the luck in the world and just try to take one day at a time.

Answer 4

"I'm sorry that after 28 years anyone thinks they don't 'love' their mate. I think he's lying to himself. As for you ,I don't believe you can forget and /or 'get over' it. That would be lying to yourself. That's what marriage is supposed to do. Two people come together to become one . They share everything together , including all the 'crap' . unfortunately those 'warm,fuzzy' feelings that draw us to our partners in the beginning becomes less and less the reason for lasting relationships. I heard it said once that the reason for spending your life with someone is to have a witness to our life. Your husband is likely going through some tough times ( not to take away what you are going through) but understanding him may help) here's a great book ..."Love and Respect " by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. If you two are still in contact and neither of you has moved onto another relationship...there is still hope...Good Luck.

Answer 5

wow this must be really hard since you spend 28 years of your life with this guy. i know it is hard but you can't settle. you need to start enjoying life. he is enjoying life don't waste your time on this guy anymore. he said he doesn't love you. sometimes it takes a long time to get over a broken heart but don't sit around and mop i think you went through the greiving process. you miss the man you wish he still was but that guy is gone. i think its best that you don't talk to him as much stop calling him he knows that you will call. don't let him think that you are falling apart without him. show him that you can be happy without him. do things you always wanted to do. he is doing so much better than you b/c he has let go now to move on that is what you have to do. i am very sorry you are going through this. good luck to you.

Answer 6

To be honest, you will never get over it. You have to understand before you can move on that what went wrong, went wrong and now I know why. From there you can realise that it will be a part of your life forever cherished. Then start some real life social activity. Get out there, meet new people, hang out with friends, host an underwear party and enjoy life. You never know, you might find someone new to share your heart with if only for 5 minutes.

Answer 7

I have been away from my ex for 7 years and it still hurts. I don't talk to him on the phone anymore- we only e-mail occasionally. I honestly can tell you that you will never truely get over him because he was a big part of your life. Soon enough you will start to feel less hurt and more "friend" feelings towards him. You need to take time for yourself and fine out who you are without a man. Keep yourself busy and make sure you hang out with friends. Good luck and I hope that your pain eases soon.

Answer 8

By finding someone else. (He doesn't want you back --- accept it. You can pray if you want -- useless, go out with your girlfriend -- sure, do that), but what you really want I'd guess is to be in a relationship...... And how do you do that? I found someone else by computer dating services. And I have met other couples who have met this way, so it is no longer strange..... Ended a long marriage -- he cheated--- I practically vomitted in his face and left. He was the absolute love of my life, and our life was perfect, lovely home, traveled all over the world, skied in Italy, nice house, pillars in the community -- we had it all------but betrayal is the end of trust, and trust is the very foundation of marriage.

But I wanted a relationship....I accepted my marriage was over,---you should too---- still-- there is nothing better than to fall asleep in the arms of the one you love....and he no longer loved me..... (and yours no longer loves you, so do you sit there and die inside????) It may take awhile -- met men who wanted to see me again, and men I wanted to see again. So, how do you make it work?

If you don't have a killer smile, see the best cosmetic dentist in your area and hon, it will cost you some buckos -- big ones. Loose some weight if you need to, have some great photos taken, get some help with some new clothes, get your hair re-done and help with your make up. If they can make those dogs on TV with a maxi makeover look like movie stars, you can make yourself look damn great with a little mini makeover, and it has to include a killer smile. Put up an ad in Yahoo Personals, or Match.com. Use common sense on where you meet... and you'll meet neat people too, (and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church). I met a great man, who treats me like a princess -- same politics, same education (tons -- both have graduate degrees) same love of travel, art, music, yadayadayada. I adore him, he adores me, it is lovely to be in love again. The best word I can use is contentment...... His marriage was 30 years long. He knew her since he was in school. Mine was 18 years. I am way older than you are, and I had no problems finding great men --- great men. Do it sweetie.... you have noting to loose but some hours in your evening, and about $20per month. (Oh, and the killer smile? After braces which I wore while married, easily $12,000 buckos, (Yours will undoubtedly be cheaper) but sweetie, I smile, and the room melts!!!!!

Answer 9

It's going to take time. How much time that takes depends on the person and maybe for you, 15 months isn't enough yet. He has been a big part of your life for so long so it's unreasonable to expect yourself to just get over it. Having occasional contact with him isn't helping you either. Maybe you can cut off all contact with him, at least until you have gone through the grieving process and have had enough time by yourself.

Answer 10

my suggestion would be, go out and enjoy some of your old hobbies and interests, like jogging, calling old friends, watching drama, whichever that might take u off your current environment and thinking. but these too wont relieve you in one attempt or two. it takes time... a looooooooooot of time for a 28 yr old relationship.

most importantly, do not call him. remove his number from ur cell. even if u remember his number, it will take a few seconds to type in the number and call. this will give you enough time to rethink about calling him.
if he calls, try to keep it short. i know it will be hard, but try.

and men hide their emotions all the time.

if nothing works, see a therapist.