Can any one give me an advice? I have a brother, and he is very close to me. He got married last June this year, has a baby girl, and he is still studying. My parents are still supporting him, and he and his family's still living with them. But this brother of mine, is still asking for money from me, and I always give him money everytime he asked.
My Aunt, where I am staying right now, is always telling me that I should not give him money everytime he asked coz he is a family man now, and he should start to stand on his own. That he can't just rely/turn to me everytime my mother gets pissed off with him.
What I just wanted is that, for him to finish his studies, that's why I'm giving him money. Is it wrong? Do I need to refuse sometime for him to learn something?
2006-11-13 15:33:02 · 12 answers · asked by Diane 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Part of being in a family is to help each other out... If he needs money to help his family out... then it's perfectly ok to help him... if he wants to buy a new Car radio or party... no...
"United we stand, Divided we fall"...
He will get on his feet eventually... and when he does... he won't forget who helped him to get there... Selfishness (especially with Money or Food) should not play a part in a family...
2006-11-13 15:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by grimmy19812000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is this, for the first 5 years of my married life my family helped support my family when my husband could not. We were very embarassed and could not pay anyone back. We heard people complain that we were moochers, we were big grown ups now, blah blah blah. They may complain but I bet someone helped them somewhere down the road and they would cry like babies if no one helped them. They point one finger, they then ahve 10 pointing back at them! He is your brother and he will always will be. Help him out any way you can as long as you feel comfortable about your decision. Later in life you may fall to your knees and need to go to him for assistance. Weather you give him 10.00 or 10,000.00, as your brother, he too will want to help you. Stop listening to that aunt of yours. She shouldn't even be commenting on family issues like that. I feel bad that the mans mother gives him grief. Does she have any idea how tough it is for a man who is raising a family to ask for anything? Poor guy! I hope he graduates and makes a seven figure income and never have to live paycheck to paycheck again! No one should have to worry about something as petty as money. Money is a tool that not everyone comes across as easily as others...
2006-11-13 23:46:26 · answer #2 · answered by jess l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your aunt may be right. If he keeps getting money just by asking for it, he will never stop doing it. If he decided to get married and had a baby, he should be responsible enough to take care of his business. He should not give up studying, but he can get a part-time job and attend school part time.
You are not doing him a favor by softening the consequences of his decisions. You may not be around all the time. If you care about him, help him become an independent person.
2006-11-13 23:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by The Muffin Man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with your Aunt its fine some times. but don't let him get lazy and in the habit that he will always get hand outs. He needs to stand on his own and make his way in life. By you and anyone else hand feeding him money when ever he wants it. He won't worry much about finding a part time job or how he spends the money and he will spend it like water knowing he will just get more from his brothers bank account and auntie. Tough love here. He's a growen man now. Let him earn his way too. as long as your there handing it out he'll be there taking it.
2006-11-14 04:54:46 · answer #4 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on - he has a partner /wife and both are able bodied then he/she can do something about their financial situation. He is a big boy now, and it actually is very embarrassing being kept by parents (especially living with them) and scrounging off everybody else. Is he going to pay back money or does he just expect this as his God given right? The whole bloody point of being a student is that you are poor - and one day you will be better off. Tell him to grow up and start being responsible for his own and his childs financial security. Numptie that he is. He should be ashamed of himself really.
Yes you need to refuse to bail him out as he will always do this to you.
2006-11-14 04:30:35 · answer #5 · answered by Jojo whitey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well- since your brother is married and has a baby- he needs to step-up and be a man now. I understand that you want him to finish school- but he lives with your parents who are still giving him money. Let them be the parents! It's fine to LEND him money but you need to allow him to grow up a little. Obviously you need to grow up a little too if you still live with an Aunt. Good luck!
2006-11-13 23:42:01 · answer #6 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop giving him money. Ask him to get a job or part-time job.
2006-11-14 10:48:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think not ! you said u r close encouragement is good and if you have the means to do it and love that little niece that's a good thing. You r the one that has to stand on your own and decide if the habit is breaking you??
2006-11-13 23:41:07 · answer #8 · answered by Dotr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your aunt.
At the very least you should let him know that the money won't be there every single time he asks for it.
2006-11-13 23:44:24 · answer #9 · answered by Carlos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your brother is a bum, and he needs to find a job. Real men don't ask their sisters or mothers to support, their wives.
Are you people rich ?
2006-11-13 23:45:24 · answer #10 · answered by marvin d 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋