I'm 20. How do I convince my Mom that I want to get engaged now?

Question

I've been in a serious relationship with him for 3.5 years. We are planning to get engaged next year, when we're 21. I've been trying countless times to convince my mom that I want to get engaged now but she just wouldn't budge. What do you suggest I do?

Answer 1

I suggest you do nothing....being engaged doesn't change your committment to each other. You are still living at home, so, hon, mom rules, and she does so until you make your own home, be it by yourself, or married. But do yourself and you soon to be new husband a favor..... don't have any children right away.,,stay on the pill or whatever you take.... Get to know each other as a husband and wife, get your college degree or a skill that you can use any time to earn a living, before starting a family. Realize that children are divisive, not binding. You go from being a committed, loving couple to parents, with a screaming kid, colic, night feedings, hissy fits at age two, kindergarten, parent conferences, problems with their friends, and those parents, and suddenly, you two have no time for each other for many, repeat, many years. It takes $250,000 to raise a kid to age 18.... Be sure you are ready to face that and be sure your relationship strong, or you are in for a huge, HUGE surprise in adjustment....... Just read some of these questions if you don't think so...Many read something like this:

"We were so in love, and now we have this child, and he is not the same man I married. I have no education and no way to earn a living. I want out. What do I do?" Read 'em sweetie, and learn....

Could it happen to you?..... We never know, do we? People think they had it all figured out, and guess what ----- they didn't...

Answer 2

Get engaged with a promise not to marry until your fiance has an excellent job and the home you would want to raise a child in. Also he needs to have partying out of his system and enough sexual trysts to kinow you are the one, so he won't get bored and stray later. That goes for you too! For men, it is best for the man to tie the knot earliest at 30, but ideally at 31-32. That is when they have sewed their oats and are truly concerned about STARTING their future. They probably will discover their likes and dislikes and find their true career at 35-37. You should be at LEAST 24. You need 3 years of getting out there after turning 21 (even if you think you don't want to) and being not married/ social, but yes still engaged before you make that big move. You get to wear the big ring and your mom will CHILL when she sees the timeframe. The rest will fall into place if it was meant to be.

Answer 3

Hey, you are 20! You are living at home, and I suppose that you are trying to make Mom happy, but you have to follow your heart here, too. Talk to your boy friend. When are you planning marriage? What is the hurry with the engagement? Make sure this is what you want to do, and that it is worth going against your Mom, but eventually you will have to leave the apron strings behind - just make sure that you are financially ready and emotionally ready for the jump because whether you realize it or not, it will be a culture shock. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to soberly consider what you are doing. The 3 1/2 years says a lot for your patience. Good luck and have a good life together.

Answer 4

What does your mom have to say? Are you listening? Does she have some experience with getting married at a young age? Baby, divorce is over 50% today, and getting married at 21 isn't going to help. The fact is, as individuals, our brains aren't fully developed until at least age 25. That is scientific fact. Getting married at 21 and staying married to this one man is a long shot at best. What's the hurry? Stop approaching this from an emotional standpoint and think of this with a rational mind. Put it down on paper like it was a business, because that's what a long term marriage is. It doesn't seem like it now, but 10 years down the road, trust me, love will not be all that is necessary to keep this thing going. Be smart, take your time and listen to words of wisdom from Mom and others. In the long run, all we wish for is your happiness.

Answer 5

You are an adult as of the age of 18 if this is something you want to do then do it she has no say. But remember that she is your mom so if she is okay with you getting engaged when you turn 21 then maybe wait you don't want to mess your relationship up with your mom since she may be paying for some of the wedding.

Answer 6

Wait till your 21 and your mother has no control. In fact I would suggest that at 20, with the length of your relationship, and the fact that your planning on getting engaged at 21 she has no control anyhow unless you are living under her roof.

Answer 7

well you are over the age of 18 yo.you dont need her concent
i know you want to make her happy and you do live under the same roof.she probley think you are to young to make this kind of decision?geting marry is a lot of responsible on both party and i see you been together for a while know that is real good.so i would go ahead and get engaged know and wait intil you are 21 to get marry your mom cant do any thing about it.good luck and do a lot of praying that your mom well see thing your way.

Answer 8

Well, as far as I'm concerned, you're legally an adult, so your mother has absolutely ZERO to say on the matter. You've been dating for over 3 years, it seems pretty steady to me. Tell your mother you're getting engaged. End of story.

Unless you're living at home and plan to live there after you're married as well, your mother has absolutely nothing to do with your affairs.

Learn to grow up a little and grow a backbone while you're at it.

Answer 9

Don't let your happiness be determined by her approval and blessing. If you and he want to get engaged, then do it! Your mother may piss and moan about it at first, but, eventually, she will come around. Sounds to me like she's a control freak, and doesn't want to accept the fact that her little girl is growing up. Don't let her denial hinder you from having happiness with the one you love! Best wishes to you and he in your future kid.

Answer 10

It's not up to your mother. I'm sure your mom is concerned for your well being and it's her job as a parent to watch over you, whether you're 20 or 60.

Talk to your mom and explain to her how you've thought this out and you've weighed the pros and cons. In the end, tell her you love her and you hope that she supports you in your decisions.