Recently read my wife's journal...not a habit of mine...just messing around one day. Couple month's later, I told her about it in passing. She became extremely upset. She works out of town...before she left this latest time she left her wedding ring on the counter with a note saying that the marriage had to be re-evaluated. I know I screwed up...but this response seems so extreme at first light. Then I put myself in her shoes...I can understand trust was violated. I can understand that a spouse has no right to intrude on the other's private thoughts/dreams. I LOVE MY WIFE. I WANT HER BACK. I have apologized, but those words fall on death ears when trust has been violated. Help!
2006-11-13 12:18:39 · 23 answers · asked by forester 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forester,
I'm on answering this because my Husband has snooped into my email acct. I don't blame your wife for getting mad at you! That was my response about my email acct. and it getting violated.
To me, it's a trust deal, either you trust each other or you dont.
I'm wondering about your situation, you said she left you a note and her ring with it for you to see? Have you both had problems before?
Or, was this NEWS to you when you found the note and her ring?
I know it can be a temptation to snoop, but again, it comes down to trust here in the first place.
Isn't it better to "go to the source", than to find things written? That would be more respectful.
Anyway, I believe the violating affected her deeply and I see why you go the response you did! All you can do is give things some time and then if she will talk about it, you can start by saying at that particular time............. whatever your words would be to her and maybe she will see your side of the story!
Good luck to you!
2006-11-13 12:35:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
men are stupid a s s h o l e s that is the first thing.
( that does not get us off the hook for being responsible)
granted you messed up bigtime!! this cannot be made light of but you did not kill and eat her puppy!
what you did was human and many of us have crossed those lines - she is being a baby by not being up front with you about what is going on with her and talking with her man
did your apology include a no kidding promise that you would never pull that stupid a s s s h i t again ever never? Maybe the apology and new promise did not land over there in her world ...try once more dude .... graciously ask for her attention and tell her this:
"Honey I was such a fool, this is what i did and this is why i did it and i see the impact it has had on you and us " then say " I promise to never do that again" ever."
Be generous let her say what she really wants to say to you about it. She might be pissed and not know how to release the full brunt of her pissed offness on you! Tell her it is ok if she wants to ripp into you, that you have it coming!
If she does not let it go - THEN my friend it is not about the journal - either you have other issues in your marriage or she is just being a withholding child and it is not your problem anymore - and let her go bigtime (there are 4 billion other woman out there! )
Good luck.
You f-u-c-k-e-d up but which one of us hasn't!
2006-11-13 12:53:48 · answer #2 · answered by zigzagidiot 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
snooping is a big deal, you violated her trust. She trusted you to leave her private things alone. It is a hard thing to trust someone when you feel like they violated it. You need to give it a bit of time and then discuss the situation with her. You also need to start thinking of why you read her journal in the first place. That is an issue that needs to be addressed just as much, especially if you want to win her trust back and not give in to reading her journal again.
2006-11-13 12:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sabrina J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you did something you had no right to do but I agree that her response does sound a bit extreme. Is there anything other than that at issue? Maybe to her this is the straw that broke the camels back...ask her if she would be willing to go seek marriage counseling. If not there could be some things going on that you know nothing about...just a guess...do not give up and hang in there!
2006-11-13 12:25:13 · answer #4 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's sounds very pissed off over the reading of the journal...I suspect she's upset about some other things also..the journal just might have been the final straw. She said the marriage needed to be re-evaluated...then tell her you want to set up a meeting for the re-evaluation asap. Listen to what she says very carefully, and then remind her of her vows to you and tell her to put this journal reading error into perspective.
2006-11-13 12:30:04 · answer #5 · answered by Brains & Beauty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've already admitted that you violated her trust but you also did the right thing by making an apology. It will take time for her a to forgive you, if ever. All you can do now is not make the same mistake again.
2006-11-13 13:35:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the one hand I can understand her being upset that you read her journal. On the other, I think her reaction was way over the top. If she'd let something like that break her marriage vows, probably she has something more serious to hide from you. I've always heard women say that married couples shouldn't have any secrets. What could she possibly be writing in a journal that she'd want to keep away from your eyes. I'd be leary of this woman from now on.
2006-11-13 12:33:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your were not right in violating that trust, BUT, why should she have anything to hide from you? Isn't communication most important in a marriage? She obviously isn't telling you everything..and because you were honest about it...LIKE EVERY WOMAN ASKS FOR!!!!!! She's going to use it as an excuse to blame you for a bad marriage so she can run off with whomever she's hiding in her journal.
2006-11-13 13:11:27 · answer #8 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her actions were extreme. However, talk to her, and don't give up talking to her just because she is not ready to talk to you. If it is that easy for her to leave under "what appears to be" a small over step of boundaries, there maybe some other underlining issues that need to be dealt with. Good Luck.
2006-11-13 12:48:13 · answer #9 · answered by LadyJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your married you should already know what is in your wife's journal, it's called communication! You may need to go to counseling for what ever the issues REALLY ARE! If she wants to use this as an excuse to leave you there may be more to it!!!!!!
2006-11-13 12:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by lee lee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋