I know that those who die go through 5 stages, denial, anger, bargaining, grief, and acceptance... but what emotions should I expect to encounter. at the moment i'm still trying to absorb it all, but I'd like to know what's coming. thank you.
2006-11-13 11:44:36 · 21 answers · asked by MATTHEW C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I AGREE, I DO NOT GET DIEING FROM THIS....AND HOW DO U KNOW THAT SHE IS SOON TO DIE??????
2006-11-13 11:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by HIGHLY FAVORED 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hospice is a great resource for the stages of grief and support. If you do not already have them as a support system then you may want to contact your local hospice. They are usually listed in the phone book. You will not know all of your emotions and how long they will last until you are going through them. There are support groups for people who have lost their spouses to death too. The main thing I can tell you is not to rush the process and be gentle with yourself. Cherish the time you have with her now. Bless you and your wife.
2006-11-13 11:49:27 · answer #2 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you know the basic stages and that is a start.
None of us can predict how we will react at the exact moment, especially if you already know it is going to happen.
I was prepared for my dad's death. I had close to two years knowing that his brain cancer was 100% fatal. I had time to grieve before his passing. Once he died I was upset that I hadn't been at his bedside. It took me a long time to let go of that.
I had mixed feeling of being glad that he was no longer suffering, then I was overwhelmed with the fact that he wouldn't ever be around again for the rest of my life. I went in and out of the stages you have mentioned. The days after his passing I was the oldest child so I had to be the brave one who made the arrangments. I went into a mode of being like a robot. Feeling close to dead inside. Sort of non emotional. It was a surrival techique that my heart and mind used so that I could function.
Four years ago I had another huge loss which unlike my dad's passing was the unexpected death of my 21 year old, apparently healthy, son. My oldest son and a pastor stood at my door at the middle of the day. I said "this is something big isn't it?"
The pastor said Aaron is dead. My mind instantly put up a wall. Three times he said it and three times I say "no he isn't" It doesn't make sense but at the moment that is how I reacted. Then I fell apart crying and sobbing. It was as if my entire insides had been scrapped out of my body. Every bit of me hurt. The pain of the loss was beyond anything I ever experienced. I was so traumatized that there were words that I could say, so I would spell them. I would say,,"When will they ship his B O D Y here?"
I also had a period of time that I had to close my eyes when I spoke about him. I haven't done that for a long time.
I also had a moment when I collapsed. It is very different from fainting. My legs gave out on me and I laid on the floor for half an hour while I cried. My mother wanted to call an anbulance but It old her I would be ok once I got the feeling back in to my legs and arms.
My crying was totally different with the loss of my son than it was with other losses. I would cry so deeply that it was like my insides would be turned inside out. It was the most gutteral cry that I ever experienced. I often did this crying in side of omy car because no one could hear the extent of my crying.
You can't know how you will grieve. Just don't stuff your feelings inside. Grief has to be felt or it is very destructive.
Before she goes, just take time to love her and make sure she is comfortable. When she is close to going tell her it is ok to go when God comes to her in the white light (well, that is up to you)
Remember over time you will travel in and out of those 5 stages.
You might do well on holidays and then five years later for some reason you fall apart when you least expect it. That was the only suprise for me.
I pray for you all
2006-11-13 12:07:32 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would assume you should go through the same stages that she does. It may help you and her before the time comes. At the end we all have to except that we will die and so will our loved ones. It's hard, I know. But I'm sure you will feel everything you just named off, if you haven't already. I am very sorry about your wife. God bless and be strong. For her if no one else.
2006-11-13 11:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by Lovemykids 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay look, I had a death in my family (September 2005) and it was the first I had ever had to incounter. I wasnt inspecting lauging or having fun anytime soon for the rest of my life. But I soon came to understand that we are all going to die sometime or another and we must move on or live in our bedrooms for a month,like I did, there for your Wife may be dear to you but if you think she will make it to Heavon and you accept that then you too will be happy. Good luck to you and I give my respects to your Wife and Family.....
2006-11-13 11:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by dalejrfan07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without more information it is hard to know what you will go through. However, I have known people who have done their grieving long before their spouse passed. It depends on what you do with the time you have left. I have wondered if it were easier to know that your days are numbered (or in your case, spouse). That way it isn't a total surprise...If that makes sense.
2006-11-13 11:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by ladysteelersince1976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been through this so I am of no help but Hugs to you and chin up just I guess I would say seek a counsellors help or look toward your belief system Good luck
2006-11-13 11:47:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death usually hits a person unexpected.
Since you know it coming you will be going through the stage as of now.
2006-11-13 11:51:00 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not easy. My fiance was terminally ill for about a year before she passed on. I did the best I could to take care of her and etc. She still went to the gym and we partied like happy hogs, we were active. After she passed I felt and still feel a bit of indifference. try to rock on with your life, best advice..
2006-11-13 11:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by neanderstrat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have gone through the same experience, and it will be"
scary, (not knowing what it will be like when she is gone)
sad, (that person will soon be gone)
you might be frustrated with yourself for not spending more time with that person, but remember if you had had more time, you would have spent as much time as possible with her.
confused: (you will think, "why didb't i do thus, or that?"
*remember: you will never forget that person. SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH HER A YOU CAN!!!! don't dwell on it forever.
2006-11-13 11:49:32 · answer #10 · answered by catt1135 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for you. I think you'll feel the same things now, as you will later. But right now, your probably feeling alot of fear also.
2006-11-13 11:50:02 · answer #11 · answered by tinamaries43 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋