I'm very close friends with 7 other women - we have been friends since grade school. I recently suggested that my girlfriends and I should go fly away for the weekend for our 40th birthday (2 1/2 yrs away). I'm married, 2 kids and the kids would be 9 and 7 at the time of the trip. My husband says I should not go on this trip because: 1. the expense of the trip will take away from the family vacation if I go on this trip, 2. he doesn't take any trips without the kids and myself and 3. he feels that as a mother my first priority should be the family and not out taking far away trips with old girlfriends. He also says he will divorce me if I go on this trip. I say he's overreacting and should let me go. Please give me your opinion on this matter.
2006-11-13 11:34:00 · 33 answers · asked by KD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tuff one. A girls night out is OK, but it isn't really fair to the family if you take away from the family vacation. Also, even with that opinion, I also think that he is insecure about you going, but that does not change my opinion of family first. He is overreacting too.
2006-11-13 11:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a great idea! 1. It is 2 1/2 years away, if you work, start putting some money aside now for your trip. That way it will not take away from the family vacation. You should be able to get a good rate since 8 of you are going. 2. Just because he does not take any trips does not mean that you can't. Perhaps he feels jealous or put out that you are going without him and the family. Let him know that it is okay for him to get away with his friends when he wants a weekend. 3. Of course your first priority is your family. You have been there for them. You deserve some time for yourself. You earned this time with your girlfriends.
I think that it is terrible that he would threaten you with divorce if you go. It is so important to be your own person and do what you want to do. Yes, you do have children, but this does not mean that you stop living. He has 2 1/2 years to get used to the idea that you are taking a weekend trip.
2006-11-13 11:48:49 · answer #2 · answered by stangbabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say for sure that you should go on this trip and your husband is being irrational. I'm sure I'm probably a bit younger than you, but friendship has always been important. The fact that you have such an enduring friendship with these women is something special, and you should be allowed to spend time with them. Being a mother of 2 I'm sure is difficult, and you also need some time for yourself. If your husband is worried about the expense of a trip, why don't you begin saving now? 2 1/2 years is a long time and even just $10 a week could round up more than $1,000 in that period of time. Maybe he would like to take a vacation with some friends also, let him know that you wouldn't mind. A weekend is not a long time at all to be away from your children and they will be fine! He should think of it as some quality time with them. Hope it works out.
2006-11-13 11:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by smittn.kitten 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally my husband and I don't do trips without the kids or each other. All that changed when we got married. We had our moment of independance and freedom. Now it'a about our family. A night out without them is always good. Everyone needs their space. But an actual trip or vacation doesn't seem right. Maybe you and your husband need to take a trip together without the kids. But married women and men have to reprioritise. I learned that I can't go to California and shop it up with my girls for the weekend now that I have a husband and two kids at home.
2006-11-13 11:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by Lovemykids 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a reaction.
To refute his beefs with the plan:
1. put aside a little each month for the trip, not in the family fund, but in a personal fund for the trip.
2. If he never leaves the house without you and the children, he REALLY needs a hobby. And TV football is NOT a hobby, it's an addiction.
3. Is the trip to a brothel full of Gigolos? if not, then where you go is your business, so long as you remain within the marriage vows. A weekend at a resort to laugh with your freinds sould not be an issue.
It sounds like your hubby is the immature member of the household.
2006-11-13 11:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by George Curious 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but everything has already been said here but I leave an answer anyway just for the sake of balance!
My brother in law went a trip with his best friend by motorbike.
I a had my nephew for a hole weekend to give the couple some rest.
My sister went on a trip on her own with friends.
Their couple is in harmony and balance.
What is it about not going away because you have kids. Don't forget they will leave you to live their life! So okay you have to be there for them, a lot, but, what is it about one weekend????
Everybody needs that or you become a Desperate housewive. You know the show!!!???
If you don't do that you will begin your life when the kids are away but to old to live it.
Again kids are great and great responsibilty but sometimes it's just okay to do something you want/need.
And about the money, well, that's something else and I don't want to repeat other good answers already stated here.
And him blackmailing you with divorce.Well that's really not a nice thing to do to someone you love (I presume) that want to go on a trip with friends for the first time in more than 9 years!!
I think marriages are hard because we lose ourselves in them. Don't let that happen.
2006-11-13 12:21:54 · answer #6 · answered by Appearance 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're children are old enough for you to go, but it doesn't seem like your husband is. There are many ways to still make a family vacation work. Try a destination that is within 6 hours of driving time like a state park. State parks are just as fun as going to the beach. If you go to a state park with a lake you can rent a houseboat or jet skis. Or find a weekend side job to earn that extra money for your "Girls Only" trip. Sometimes a Mom needs to get away with friends to keep her sanity. And flying away for a weekend, if planned well will cost far less than any family vacation.
Personally, it sounds to me as if your husband is more scared if you leave him alone with the kids for a weekend. But since it's a weekend the kids could spend it with the grandparents if they live close or spend it at a friends house. Or the grandparents could come to your house for a visit while you are out of town for fewer than 72 hours (if you leave on a Friday and get back Sunday). And tell your husband that you rarely get to do anything like this because you are taking care of the family (even on family vacation). And for 9 years you have made family the first priority and you need a well deserved weekend with the girls at the spa. And if he still threatens divorce then he is the stupid and selfish kid.
2006-11-13 11:36:50 · answer #7 · answered by deltazeta_mary 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
On the face of it, he's over-reacting - but I'm willing to bet that something important was left out of the question. I don't know if you blow money and go on trips all of the time, and he's finally putting his foot down - or if he's an over-controlling individual who's been telling you what to do and what not to do for years, in which case this trip should be the least of your worries. It doesn't matter what we think here... You married this dude, and you have to deal with what HE thinks about the things you do. If going on the trip would cause THIS much trouble in your marriage (whether it's rational or not) - you should certainly re-consider either the trip, or the marriage.
2006-11-13 11:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand part of his side. If it is going to take away money that would be used for a family trip....well...hmmm. I couldn't do it if it meant my kids wouldn't have a vacation. Between now and then, maybe encourage your husband to go away with his friends to an out of town event, ballgame, fishing, hunting, something. If he sees how much relaxation it will bring him, maybe he will be more understanding. Otherwise, I think it's cool. I go places without my husband and he does the same. It's a matter of trust.
2006-11-13 11:42:13 · answer #9 · answered by Kiddo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds very insecure and immature! He is definitely overreacting and is being insensitive to your needs. I think that spouses need time away from each other from time to time in order to relax and regain their sense of self. Women, especially, enjoy the companionship of other women friends and shouldn't be made to feel that they don't love and care for their families because they want to have some free time. I'm sure your entire family would benefit from a happier and more relaxed wife and mother. Maybe your husband is not comfortable with having sole responsibility of your children while you are away. In that case, perhaps you could enlist another family member to help out.
We all need the freedom to be ourselves and to step outside the roles of wife and mother. Maybe you could sit down and explain this to your husband. Offer to watch the kids for the weekend for him to do the same with his friends. Given some time, he might like the idea.
2006-11-13 12:13:08 · answer #10 · answered by bugged 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋