The father of my baby doesn't want to be there. what should i do?

Question

I'm going on 4 months pregnant and the father of the baby wants nothing to do with the baby or me. He said that he would sign away his rights but i'm not sure if thats the best thing to do. I don't want any money i just want him to be there to help raise the child that we made together. My family and friends tell me just to have him sign off and cut my ties. I have met a wonderful man that has ofter to help raise the child with me but i'm worry that my baby will hate me for not having his or her real father in the picture. I don't know what to do.... please help.

Answer 1

Coming from someone who's dad has been MIA since she was five, let him go. My father (aka, the sperm donor) didn't want anything to do with me before i was born, then he said he wanted to be in my life after he denied that I was his. In the end, I haven't seen him since I was four. He promised to take me out on my fifth birthday and never returned calls. Let him go. Don't give your child the life I had with a father claiming he wants to be a part of it and then doesn't show. My father walked out on me once, he won't do it again, my mom was strong enough to let him go and not return to hurt me again. Don't make the mistake of letting him walk all over you and your child. It may sound bitter, but your child will love you for loving them enough to keep that negativity out, I love my mom for that.

Answer 2

I have a father of my oldest 2 they are now 9 & 6. When there father left they were 5 & 2 and my oldest is having problems in school and lots of everyday issues because he remembers his father, my daughter doesnt remember him so we do not have those problems with her. I have met a man who has raised her as his own and we have a 4 year son together. They best thing I ever did was let him raise her as his own. She absolutely loves him and calls him Dad, She also knows she has another guy out there that is her father but she has never questioned it in anyway. I know she is only 6 but she is a very advanced and mature girl for her age. I think that it is better for a man to not be in the childs life from the get go as apposed to walking out after the child knows him and then he decides he don't wanna be daddy anymore. He does pay child support because the way I look at it is he helped make them and he is going to help support them in some way whether it be in all ways as a father should or just financially that is his choice not mine and I cannot make him be there for his kids but I can make him help buy their food,clothes,housing and everything else it takes to raise them. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Poor thing!!!!

If he doesn't want to be around the child, you can't make him, and nor would you want to, I'd think. Why force him to be, if he doesn't want to, there is a chance that he will bring all kinds of drama and unhappiness.

That being said, I wouldn't force the issue right now of signing away rights. The further you get, the more emotions and reality will come into play. You have a support system with this other man. Enjoy his support and worry about taking care of you and that baby. Your friends and family can wait too, the baby isn't going anywhere for awhile.

As far as hating you. You need to do what will protect that kid. And being a mommy is hard. You have at least 5 months to think this over. If he does sign his rights over in the end, that was his decision and it sounds like you have a great man who is willing to step into the role of being a father.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Unfortunately you cannot force a man to accept you and a child that sadly, he does not want. It's too bad he didn't tell you this before you got pregnant. You and your child will be better off without him, as he will only be hostile to you both. Go with the man who loves you. He will raise the child as his own and your child will be better for it. When the child is old enough to know you can tell him/her the truth: that the biological father did not want to be part of your life but that God had sent a daddy that did. Oh, by the way: just because he doesn't want to be a dad does not relieve him of responsibilites. He has a legal obligation to the child and you should take him to court and make him pay child support. That way, maybe he'll think twice before getting someone else pregnant. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

If you and your new partner raise the baby well, not having the "real" father in the picture will not be much of a problem. The important thing is to make sure that you and your new partner both love the baby. It may cause more problems to have the father around if he wants nothing to do with it. If you end up marrying your new partner and he wants to adopt the baby, you will need the father to sign away his rights. It might be better to take care of that part now, in case he is not availible later.

It is better to have an adoptive or step father that loves the baby than to have a biological father that doesn't.

Answer 6

My girlfriend was just like you when she had her first child and the guy didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. The only thing you can do is be there for you child and forget about him, if he wants to sign his rights away then let him do so and move on with your life. If your child has question later then make sure you sit them down and tell them the truth about there father, that is all you can do at this time. But I will tell you this, if he thinks signing his rights away will stop him from supporting the child, he is wrong. The only thing that does is let you have full custody of the child and he can't say anything, but he will still have to pay support, unless you let someone adopt your child. like your boyfriend or someone your with. Maybe its best that he wants to be out of the child life because now you can put someone in her life that will love her and cherish her. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 7

Alright, you are in a very tight situation and you need to really think about what YOU want for this child. Don't worry about what everyone else WANTS you to do, it is all up to you. I grew up in a home with just my birth mother, my father had two women pregnant at the same time and choose to be with the other woman. It wasn't any ones choice but his. Your baby will not hate you because he chose to make his decisions. He obviously doesn't sound like a stand up guy anyway just let him go because he may eventually come around in his own time and accept your baby. Give him his room and let him be a loser because he has already made up his mind for right now. Be happy that you do have a great man now and that he is willing to do the right thing. But by pushing the father he may never come around. I am very proud of you by trying to help him to make the right choice. You are a GREAT woman and you will be a GREAT mother. You go girl. Have fun with your pregnancy and make it work in what ever your decision is. Good Luck and Best of Wishes for you and the baby and your new MAN.!!!!

Answer 8

I would let him sign off. Why force him to be there if he doesn't want to be. It will cause way to much drama to force the issue. When your baby is older, explain to him that his father wasn't ready to be an adult, but loved him enough to walk away so this wonderful man that has offered to raise your baby could act as his father.
If your babys father later decides that he wants to be a part of the childs life, then let him see the child (supervised) from time to time. At that point I would insist that he paid child support, since nobody should have thier cake and eat it too.

Good luck, and I wish the best for you and your baby

Answer 9

There's nothing you can do to MAKE someone be a parent. If you try - that person will probably not be a good parent anyway. I was in a similar situation 8 years ago. I didn't want money - just a daddy for my baby. I know wht it's like to grow up without one and I tried the best I could to change that reality for my daughter. Didn't happen. My daughter is now 7 and I have told her whenever it comes up that she does have a father (not daddy), but that he wasn't ready to be a daddy. She seems okay with this for now, though I know that changes.

All you can do is love your child enough for two parents and continually reassure the child that he/she is loved. And that the absent parent is not absent due to ANYTHING that the child does/did. The most important thing I want my daughter to understnd is that him not being ready to parent has nothing to do with her - that it is all about him.

I wish you a lot of strength to be a good parent and raise your child without the father. Maybe someday he will come around. As people grow up and mature, they do come to realize things could/should have been different. I will never shut the door to my baby's father being in her life someday, but after 7 years, he is not her daddy - just someone who may someday be able to be a good influence in her life.

Best wishes for you and your child.

Answer 10

If your baby's father do not want anything to do with the baby then let him go because you should not force someone to be there for they own child if he does not want too. If I was you, I would make him pay child support because you did not get yourself pregnant.

That is great that you have a great man who wants too be there for both you and the baby. You do not need that dead beat dad.. Speaking from personal experience, I have 4 children but my first child does not belong too my husband. He married me and took own the responsibilty to help me raise my older son and now we have 3 children together. My first son father was a real jerk and he was not interested in getting to know his son, so I let the idiot go and now I am so happy. I am not recieving no child support from him because he does not have anything too offer... Good Luck to you and everything is going to be alright... By the way, your child will not hate you if he/she finds out that step dad is not the real dad.

Answer 11

He can sign away his rights, but not his responsibilities (for financial support, anyway).

There is no reason your child would hate YOU for the fact that his natural father is a louse. First of all, whether it was wise or unwise to become pregnant by such a jerk, he is the ONLY genetic father that your child could have had (any other father would have produced a different child). Your child will appreciate that you loved him/her enough not to murder him/her in utero, that you have done your best to provide him/her with a good life. If, indeed, you do provide him/her with a "wonderful" stepfather, THAT will be his "real" father, and he will not miss The Jerk. In time, you can let him know that he has another "genetic" father, and I would leave it up to him to decide whether he wants to pursue finding him and/or getting acquainted. Children are very perceptive, and he/she will know where the blame lies.

I knew my real father (an alcoholic who did not provide for his family of 7 children) and I had a stepfather. Ultimately, each relationship your child has will stand or fall on its OWN merits. Your child's genetic father will have the relationship with his child that HE deserves and creates - which may be none at all. It's not your responsibility to be anything but his/her mother and, if you provide him with a stepfather, to choose carefully and to set a good example.