I am 20 and dont feel ready to have a baby yet but my 24 year old husband wants too have one now!I do not graduate college till next year and feel its a bad idea. I also might want to go for my masters i think by the time i am 23 or 24 i will be ready for my first child just not now.He has been really persistant hounding me for sex 24/7 no joke. I am afraid to fall asleep at night because i am afraid he will try something or try and start something.I also seem to be loosing my sex drive. Please help i have tried to explain this to him has not worked yet!?
2006-11-13 09:52:50 · 16 answers · asked by Carla M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have only been married a year!
2006-11-13 09:54:30 · update #1
You have a neice or nephew or a small child that is a member of your family? Have him babysit for a weekend. No help from you or anyone else, see if it persists. Suggest that he change diapers, provide food and feed the child, etc.
A lot of men (myself included) love the idea of having offspring, however are not usually ready to give up a lot of personal time/space to care for them at that age. See how he likes not going to the fellows house for awhile to hang because he has to watch a child. He may lose the idea pretty fast.
2006-11-13 10:28:05 · answer #1 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is serious. You are afraid to sleep next to your own husband!! You need to to tell him just that. There is something really wrong when you don't feel safe enough to go to bed at night.
Sometimes action speaks louder than words. Talk to your doctor let her know your situation and find out what kind of contraceptives would best fit you. Let your husband know your not ready just yet and until you are you are taking birth control (of some sort). You are entitled to say no, not just yet! Only you know when you are ready.
Having sex 24/7 isn't so bad. Sex is healthy in a relationship but not to the point where you can't sleep at night. Pull him aside and explain this to him! I'm so sorry things are so difficult!
2006-11-13 09:59:39 · answer #2 · answered by MegM0930 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're right about not wanting to be pregnant in your last year of college. Pregnancy can be quite fatigueing, not to mention it results in a baby. See if he can hold off until you graduate to bring a pregnancy into the relationship. Get on the pill. Take it every day.
Have conversation with father-to-be about what he thinks his role with the baby will be based on your intention to go for your masters. Explain to him that you guy's inability to resolve this is putting too much pressure on you, and it is affecting your core relationship. Explain that he will have to be the primary caretaker for the first year or two....is he prepared to do that (in your opinion?)
Start a "baby fund". Review the costs of cribs, strollers, car seats, diapers, formula, pediatricians, etc....Tell him you want to start saving for these things, including paying the OB/Gyn.
Also explain to him that he does not have to continually repeat himself. You understand his position, but that you'd like for him to leave the subject alone for now and focus on providing a home for the child. Do you own a home? If not that should come first.
Tell him you love that he wants a child and a family. Tell him it will be ok, and that you just want to make sure you have your education so that you can provide well for your family.
See if there aren't things he wants to do before a baby comes.....does he want to take a cruise, or go to the mountains, or spend some time travelling? Let these things become his goals. This is the hard part of being married, dear. It's called compromise. See what you can do.
2006-11-13 10:09:01 · answer #3 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be forward with him and let him know that he is hounding you to much and making you loose your sexual desire for him. Tell him that you are not ready for a child right now but that you do want one but after school. You both should try to come up with a compromise. This is a tough decision but if you are not ready for a child now like he is you will only resent him in the long run...
2006-11-13 10:02:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't plead with him, don't sit and talk nicely with him, sit and talk FIRMLY to him and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you are NOT ready to have a baby. There is NOT going to be a baby right now and if he has a problem with it he can sleep on the couch. The fact that you are afraid he will try something with you in the night is some scary stuff, sister. Put your foot down NOW, or up his a.s.s, whichever gets the message across. Playtime is over, stand up for yourself or be prepared to have this battle over and over again. Be holding a skillet or baseball bat to accentuate your point if necessary. That should do the trick.
2006-11-13 09:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have the friggin baby. First it's the excuse you're in college. Then it's the masters. Then it will be a great job offer, then it will be you're too busy with your career. Then you'll be in your 40's saying I should have had a baby in my 20's.
The problem of losing your sex drive at 20.....sheeesh. I don't no what to tell you about that. Maybe stop planning everything and live for today.
2006-11-13 10:03:50 · answer #6 · answered by Use another Nickname 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's the effortless issue btw a spouse n her companion's mom. Ur hubby is a filial guy for this reason he listens to her better than he listens to u. What u would desire to do now's nt to rebutt him when you consider that he will onli gets indignant if u talks undesirable on his family contributors. this could onli coach whateva ur companion's mom has mentioned tremendously much as good. exchange a approach by ability of being great to his family contributors. His mum will exchange her opinion on u n he will comprehend that u wasnt those woman whom his mum had informed him so. After that, u can % to go out with him. appropriate needs. =)
2016-10-22 00:58:05 · answer #7 · answered by hosford 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He made a request. You refused [for time being]. He is not respecting your desicion. Ball is in your court now, esp. with him trying to overthrow your decision. Time for some action, words are not getting through- he is going on heart, not mind. Move out of bedroom, refuse all sexual intercourse. If he persists, then move out [temporarily], with a friend or family that won't ask too many q's. He will get idea soon enough. Reassure that when you two have had time to yourselves and got most of college out of way, there will be time enough for a baby. Get a dog. Stay on birth control pills or that new ring [inserted, he can't swipe them]. Be firm, loving, consistent, and don't give in to pressure. If can do that, then on way to becoming a good parent- emotionally.
2006-11-13 10:14:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would try to understand why hubster is to DESPERATE to have a child. What is the void he is trying to fill that he won't be reasonable about this. I definetly recommend you wait. And i think being around someone so desperate all the time and hung up on getting me pregnant when i don't want to be would make me loose my sex drive as well, so I can understand that, for sure.
2006-11-13 09:57:06 · answer #9 · answered by Nadia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something seriously wrong if you can't trust your own husband when you fall asleep at night. He should be the ONE person you DO trust at all times... Speak to him about this-- explain it with all your heart! Go for counseling if that's what it takes. Good luck!
2006-11-13 09:57:23 · answer #10 · answered by reba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋