been divorced for 3yrs have 6yr old child.me and my ex get along with each other for the sake of our child.he was very mentally abusive to me thruout our marrage.since our divorce i allways get little gifts time to time from our child to give to his father. like on fathers day,x-mas,b-day.nothing expensive just something for my child to give to his father.my new husband thinks my son should just make his dad something and i should stay out of it.part of this is my ex does not get along with my new husband.my ex is a great dad just lousey husband.so divorced parents what do your kids do for your ex when thier young?
2006-11-13 09:47:20 · 8 answers · asked by chrissyturmer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I take my kids to the store and let them pick it out. Pretty simple a 6 yo can have somewhat of a clue what they want to get. You may have to make suggestions and obviously have the final say but let your kid pick a gift. Not doing so, will give your child the wrong impression. As long as you are not spending excessively your current husband should not make a big deal out of it. To me its a respect thing, my ex is the mother of my children and they should be able to give her a gift if they want to and its my responsibility to facilitate that.
2006-11-13 10:15:29 · answer #1 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
well did your husband ask why you do this????and does he have children from a previous relationship????i have had the same problem with men in the past trying to tell me what to do with my children and their fathers....but your child should come first no matter if your married or not....and if you feel that your child needs to give his/her father a gift then so be it...DO NOT let your husband come between you and your ex's relationship.....that is the worst thing that you could do.....because then the child feels the tension between you and your ex....and you really don't want that to happen because then the child feels that he/she has to choose sides between the parents....and thats not fair to the child at all.....so if i were you i would continue with the tradition that you and your son has made for your ex.....and if he would like to make his father some thing on the side then let him.....but do not let some man come in and run you and your sons life when you have an already established relationship between your ex.....remember that the child was there first and that your always gonna have to put up with his father.....and your son will always be there no matter if your husband stays or leaves.....good luck....
2006-11-13 10:40:22 · answer #2 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult problem, as your new husband thinks he can determine what is or isn't correct with you, your ex and your son. Your son is your son and not his, although you are probably living together with your son, hard to not have some imput and feel like the third wheel paying for some abusive mans mistakes. My imput would be, let your son "Earn" the money to pay for the gifts, or have him make them, in any case, I do see some logic from your new husbands point of view, but really, if its working for you all, let it be. But if you want to change to make your husband happy, you can say "ok" and do it the way he thinks. It really depends on you my dear, and what you think. He is your son. I think its very admirable that you are fostering a good relationship between your son and ex so that they have a good relationship. Do you think your ex would be pissed if he got something your son paid for versus you picking it and giving with your sons name? I think that would be a problem if the ex knew that and thought "maybe she still like me" Ewwwwwwwwwwww....more problems! Anyways, you can work this out easy enough. Just do it! Good luck!
2006-11-13 10:18:30 · answer #3 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that changing something that you and youre kids are already used to doing is not a good idea. Just for the fact that they already have to deal with the fact that mom and dad arent together anymore and it`s a change that they have had no choice but to get used to it. Now they are used to being able to buy him gifts(doesnt matter where the money comes from) and you want to change that also b/c somebody else doesnt agree with it? Obviously this is something you thought was okay at one point but youv`e got somenone who doesnt like the idea so much so he`s making you doubt yourself. Think of what is best for the kids and how they feel when they give him a gift and they get a parents approval. It doesnt matter that you paid for it and helped them pick it out b/c no matter what he is their dad and they want to make him happy. Good father`s are not easy to come by especially in divorce situations so dont change something that doesnt need to changed.
2006-11-13 12:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids are 14 and 16. They buy their dad what they want and can afford. Before when they were smaller I would buy things for him for the kids to give to him as well. I don't see any problems in it at all. If your husband has a problem then I would tell him this is how its going to be, if you don't like then so what. Once your son is old enough to buy gifts for him then let him.
2006-11-13 09:58:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your new husband has to understand that without your ex husband you wouldnt have your child. im sure your ex husband wouldnt be upset if he got a homemade gift as opposed to a store bought. but it might affect the child. you cant let your husbands and ex husbands feelings for eachother get tangled in your childs feelings. you dont have to buy him a $30 neck-tie on every occasion, give your child a task to earn funny money to buy daddy a present. go to a store like 5 below or dollar tree and let your child pick out a special present for daddy. even if it isnt something practical it means alot because the child picked it out and you didnt break the bank.
2006-11-13 10:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by kalahw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a divorced parent, in fact, I'm only 14..but I would let your child make something for his father. when they're 6 years old they like making things, and it would be special for him to make something for his father. It sounds like you two are handling the situation very well. Let your child make something, maybe like he could draw a picture, or something. Otherwise it seems like you're giving your ex-husband a gift. The gift should come from your child's heart. Let your son draw him a picture or maybe something sweet like that.
2006-11-13 09:55:34 · answer #7 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with hubby. let your son make something for the dad. or at least let it be something the kid paid for.
2006-11-13 09:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋