Should I divorce my wife who has BPD(boarderline personality disorder)?

Question

If you know anything about this then you understand my problem. She acts fine until a stressful situation comes to her. Then she basically acts like a 12 year old girl and expects to get everything her way. She loses all sense of other peoples feelings and turns as cold as ice. Never admits that she is ever wrong and blames everyone else for all of her problems. They say it just gets worse with age.

Ok, before you all kill me. There is one other little detail. She does seek the comfort from other men because she blames me for all of her problems and she doesn't want to stay with me this way either.

Answer 1

Were you aware of her diagnosis before marrying her and were you educated? I work with chronic mentally ill people and believe you me I know what you are talking about. It takes a very strong person to deal with BPD. I have never seen anyone with BPD get better with age. They just learn bigger and better ways of getting attention. Very hard to deal with especially when they are in the world of "ME" that is how I describe them. They are worse than any 12 year old. I think it depends on how much you are willing to put into this marriage and if you have the strength. I have a friend who stayed in his marriage for 16 years (has 11 yr old daughter he has custody of now) and I watched him suffer dealing with her being hospitalized and she was really abusive. He thought he was obligated to take care of her, therefore, neglecting himself. He is now divorced from her and still at times keeps in touch just to be sure she is safe. She is doing fine. They know how to get their way. Anyway, it just depends on you and how strong you are. Are you willing to live this way the rest of your life? Good Luck to you and God Bless!!!

Answer 2

It sounds kind of childish but if she is refusing to give you a divorce maybe you should start treating her the way she's been treating you and your family. As of right now she is living expense free, so why would she want to leave? If you give her the same treatment maybe it will make her unhappy enough to want a divorce also.

Answer 3

i was gonna say to stay with her and work things out in counseling but seeking comfort in the arms of others kinda almost changes that. cheating dont sit too well with me if i would encourage to attempt counselling anyway at the least find out more about her condition failing that cheating on her part is a good reason for filing divorce

Answer 4

Usually when one gets married the vows say in sickness and in health …. Till death do you part. But you didn’t say how old you are or how long you have been married. If she can’t be helped. and will only get worst; If you are facing the best years of your life with this then look deep inside and ask can you divorce and have no regrets? If the answer is yes then do it.

Answer 5

Is she seeking help? Then if she is, it means that she wants to correct the problem and is thinking about you. Remember when you got married, you promised to be by her side in the good/bad times. One of the greatest examples of True love and commitment was Nancy Reagan and President Ronald Reagan. She loved him to the end. She never left his side although he didn't know who she was. Don't you think that is stressful and hurtful? How do you think your wife feels?
Show your love through your actions. Ask God to help you overcome this and ask for a miracle. He will reward you for doing the right thing.

Answer 6

I am in a similar situation with the exception that I left. I would suggest getting the book "Stop walking on eggshells" it describes coping mechanisms. When my wife started going to other men is when I made the decision that it was better for me to leave the relationship. Only you can judge your situation, what will you tolerate and what are your boundries.

Answer 7

You married her, and last time I checked, for hundreds of years....that meant to love, honor and repect, for better or worse, through sickness and in health.

No, this is not an excuse to leave her. Can she go on meds? Counseling? There are probably alternatives to help. It sounds to me like you are merely looking for an out....don't make excuses to leave like this one. If you don't love her, and can't work it out, leave. But because she is sick? Shame.

Doesn't matter if she is sleeping around. Try counseling first. For better or worse. She has some issues to deal with, and needs your support desperately.

Answer 8

It is a scary illness, and yes it can get worse with age. But if she is seeking medical help and getting the right medication it can be controlled. If you really love her you would stick by her and help her through this the best you can. But you cant go living life miserable either. So it depends on how long you have been dealing with her illness, and if you can really take on the task of being there for her. I hope that if i were to get married somday my husband would atleast stick by me for as long as he could if I got sick. And she does know its her problem when she blames every one else, she is just in denial because she knows she is mentally ill. Good luck, and you can only decide what is best for your heart and marriage. Not some one answering these dumb things out of bordem.

Answer 9

If she on mediciation for her condition? Is she under doctor's care? If so, then her mood swings should level out to acceptable levels. Did you marry her for better or for worse, for sickness and in health??

Answer 10

Yet another good reason to avoid marriage......there doesn't exist a man that will stick to his vows. Every single one of them will rationalize the entire situation until he feels good enough about breaking his vows to actually do it. "...his happiness is what should be important to him..." paraphrased from another guy that responded......typical. Ladies, don't get married, it isn't finding a partner for life, it's finding a child that will leave when he gets mad, or bored or feels anything other than wonderful.