We have only been married 6 months...I like pleasing him, but I don't find enough pleasure in sex to motivate me to have it. I have avoided too much contact like the plague for the past month for fear he would want sex. He is too reserved to ask for it and I am relieved that I don't have to go through the disappointment of dissatisfaction-is that a bad thing? Any ideas about what to do? A small part of me wants to go somewhere else, but I could never really do that to my hubby....
2006-11-13 08:38:53 · 32 answers · asked by Alison 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're saying that he reaches orgasm too quickly, right? It happens to a lot of men. Read the article below and then find some subtle way to get him to read it.
Also, if he comes too soon, make sure he satisfies you orally before you progress to intercourse. And, you could bring him off a couple of times with your mouth or hand.
Lastly, you won't fix this by avoiding him. You'll only frustrate yourself and make him feel undesireable. Neither of those will help. Dive in!
2006-11-13 08:47:47 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Practice makes perfect. HE will get more confident and more used to not ejaculating right away if you give the old dog some practice. Make sure that the emphasis is on you during sex, then he won't just be trying to ejaculate.
You say that he is "too reserved to ask for it." He may have some testosterone inbalances (as was suggested in another response).
My suspicion though is that he fears the humiliation of having sex, and being really bad at it. Be encouraging, or he may turn into a sniveling, emascualted wimp.
2006-11-13 09:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by akristel2003 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why exactly do you not want to have sex? You don't want him, or you just don't want sex? Do you even know what turns you on? If not, I suggest you find something that gets you going. Sex is important in a relationship no matter what people say. IT'S IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!! Sex helps you get closer to your mate, not further. If he feels that you don't want him then he will feel horrible about himself, and feel that you are turned off by the thought of being with him, that you are not attracted to him anymore. Then he might start to question your love, or even your faith fullness. Not that you are cheating, it just might make him wonder if your not getting it from him then, well you know. What about getting things started by yourself? I know this is personal but, do you masturbate? I mean, do you have the desire at all for satisfaction, or do you just not want "sex"? These are the questions you need to address. Not "Going elsewhere". And sometimes women just have a "dry spell" every now and then. Some men do too. You just need to examine yourself and find out what it is that you really do, and don't want. Then I'm sure you'll figure something out. Just also REMEMBER TO CONSIDER HIS FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You would want him to consider your, wouldn't you?
2006-11-13 08:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by Snow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take some personal responsibility for your dissatisfaction. Open up the lines of communication with your husband and work together to learn how to make your love making enjoyable for both of you. Teach him how to satisfy you! If the main problem (which I doubt) is that he ejaculates to quickly, then there are ways to deal with that. He can be trained to last longer and there are medications that might be available if the training does not work.
If you decide to go outside of the marriage, then you should first end the marriage! Do not break your vows for sex.
Good luck!
2006-11-13 08:49:28 · answer #4 · answered by climbikehikefoodandwine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You better start doing something different..Buy a dildo or ask him if he minds playing a little..you will be surprised by his response..If he cares about you then he will be willing to try new things with you..You should do something about it because then your not happy and neither will he..He will notice after so long that your not asking for sex then what you gonna do..I hope things work out? Does he at least give good oral sex? If not, teach him and tell him how you like it..That is the only way things will get better for you.
2006-11-13 08:45:16 · answer #5 · answered by ms. independent 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is not a problem of him not being well endowed, then he may just have a low sex drive and needs to see a doctor, he may need to have his hormonal levels checked to see if his testosterone or androgen levels are low. If that is not the problem then you two really need to sit down and talk about this and tell him what you need, if that doesn't work, I would think about seeing a sex therapist,. if your really in love with him, you really should try everything possible to find whats going on with him before you think about leaving him...and I don't know if I would start seeing someone else, that wouldn't be right. I would leave before I cheated on him. Good Luck to you.
2006-11-13 08:45:50 · answer #6 · answered by jupitor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should tell him you want to take a drive. Then drive him to the local sex toy store. Have him go in with you and pick something out for both of you.
Use yours in front of him before things get started. It not only turns him on but it get your engine going before he has to chance to get his engine off. Try new things. Eventually his stamina will improve.
2006-11-13 09:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by country girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he will only learn if you teach him what you like. Stamina, I'm not sure what to do about that. Probably let him stimulate you more, not just sex--more foreplay for you. And you would have to explain to him that you need that to get ready for sex. He sounds like a nice man, you only need to talk with him about this.
DO not go somewhere else. DO NOT!
2006-11-13 08:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by the_proms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To have sex issues already , Your going to have to take charge and steer the boat.
Try this:
Buy a few pairs of the sheerest RHT stockings and garterbelt
Buy a good vibrator and/or dildo.
Put the stockings on and in vite hubby to bed
Put the vibrator on your vagina and his penis in your mouth, if desired
he should like the visual and you should like the result
2006-11-13 09:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what your going through. My hubby is the same way. I don't avoid sex tho. Just sometimes I have to help him out. Talk to him about things. Let him know how you feel. Sometimes that will help.. Sometimes I just tell him "Look, lets go F*&%!!" And that gets him all excited and its great!! Good luck. things will work out.
2006-11-13 08:45:13 · answer #10 · answered by American___Brit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋