Can you help? calling english teachers and degree students. Does this make sense?

Question

The audience is able to sympathise with the adults in the text in a number of situations. Take A lesson on a Tortoise: The teacher has gone to the trouble to set up a nice lesson ‘I felt pleased with myself knowing that the boys would be delighted with the lesson.’ And it backfires on him when the boys ask for rubbers. ‘I could not keep my stock, I could not detect the thief among them.’ The teacher relents and indulges the belief that he is not good at his job. ‘Like a bad teacher I went back on my word.’ He also seems to be clutching at straws desperately when he asks Rawson, Maddock, Newling, and wood to write down the name of the perpitrator or the crime. The audience is able to sense the teachers Turmoil. ‘I ask wood to write…. I promise not to divulge. He would not. I ask the boys he had named, all of them. … – I appealed to them.’

In ‘Growing up’ we are drawn to sympathise with Robert Quick when his daughters attack him. ‘They tore at the man and suddenly he was frightened’ Ironically Snort also joins in the affray. ‘Snort suddenly recovering confidence… seized this new victim.’ Later we see quick realising that his daughters had changed. ‘It seemed to him that something new had … his old simply and happy relationship with his daughters.’ Towards the end of the text Quick resigns himself to the fact that his place as the only man in their lives would soon be coming to an end. ‘In a year or two I shan’t count at all. Young men will come prowling like the dogs after Snort’.
The writers use of language enables the audience to visualise young men acting in this manner.

Answer 1

I think what you've done so far is very good, but it is really only scratching the surface. Assuming that you have to compare the 2 texts you cannot assume that other readers will sympathise with either of the adult males, so you have to point out how the sympathy came about. To do this refer directly to how the author's use of specific words within the text engender feelings; for example the teacher is 'pleased' and 'delighted' with the lesson however because of the 'theft' of rubbers and his inability to detect who was doing the stealing, he felt like 'a bad teacher' and thus went back on his word. This extract shows the power struggle that goes on in a classroom and is possibly an indication that the teacher is new and unable to command respect or obedience.

The second extract shows a similar theme where a father appears to be losing the respect and (he thinks) the love of his daughters. As they are growing up he realises that his position as ''Number one man'' will be taken by the young men who will come 'prowling'. The author's use of this word gives the reader the impression that father thinks of his daughters as vulnerable, that they are merely unwary prey for the predatory young men.

Find other examples like these, starting at the beginning of the text and work your way down. Good luck and hope that helps.

Answer 2

A few pointers. Don't start a sentence with the word "And". Rather than saying "Take A lesson on a Tortoise", just begin with "In 'A Lesson on a Tortoise'", go on to describe the scenario as you have, but rather than quoting whole sentences, use individual words or phrases which demonstrate the point you're making. Because you're describing what happens, you don't need to quote the whole section too, as you're simply saying the whole thing twice, only proving that you understand the text. So do the audience. You can refer to the text as though your reader also knows the book. You've quoted two texts, and said that the audience are drawn to sympathy for the adults, yet you've not said how the author does this. If you want to get a good grade, you need to analyse HOW the author sets about what they're doing, not just quoting sections of text and expecting the audience to go along with your theory because they feel sympathy, as you've said they would. The fact that the adults in these two sections you've quoted from, have the power and control taken away from them, one of them reacting with fear because of the violence of his daughters (note the word "victim" - an evocative word), and the other being forced to go against his ideal of how a teacher should act, because of the pupils' psychological games; they challenge his authority, and he reacts by firstly trying to make a deal with one of them, then his desperation is shown by the word "appealed". Look at the type of language used by the author to evoke the desired response of sympathy, not just the scenarios they've described. This will show that you have an understanding not just of what the authors are doing, but how they use language to achieve this.

Answer 3

it just seems to ramble about the two without any comparisons. I'm assuming that this is an essay. If this is the case, it would be easier to answer your question if we were given the title. you seem to have already decided that we sympathise with the characters at the beggining of each paragraph without arguing both sides. Your conclusion should always come at the end. Also when paraphrasing, you shouldn't put the quote into your paragraph. i.e:

The teacher at first thought the lesson would be a success:

"I felt pleased with myself knowing that the boys would be delighted with the lesson"

However, we see that the planning of the lesson then backfires when one of the erasers goes missing:

"I could not keep my stock" nor could I "detect the thief among them."

I'm sorry if this sounds like a lot of criticism and I hope it helps.

Answer 4

Yes, it makes sense. Put a line break in after the first sentance and pad it out a bit.
Both pieces of writing cause you to sympathise with the man. That is the similarity between them.
The teacher went to some trouble to set up an interesting lesson for his pupils, and they played a trick on him.
And the father suddenly sees that his daughters are growing up and growing away from him; soon they will have men in their lives other than their father.

Answer 5

No.