How can I get my mother to SHUT UP AND UNDERSTAND??

Question

My mother,Has went on Vacation SEVERAL times,With her boyfriend.Now she tells us that she doesnt have money for christmas which is fine,but yet gave us a list of stuff she wanted.
On her vacations she always ask's can we take care of her cat ,can we Tape the race for her..and When I dont get the stuff done,After I TELL her I have plans. She gets upset and Says...I have done so much for you!!!
How can I get her to understnad that Idont WANT to take over her life when she's being so Selfish by going on all these vacations!!
I tell her to get the stuff done herself,And she freaks out.
What should I do?

extra detail::I am NOT a kid..I am 24 mother of two married and PREGNANT with baby number 3,Well out of being a kid and having to be her little slave.

I would be more than happy to do this..And the christmas thing not gettting things DIDNT bother me one bit,Till she asked for things from us, I have kids for christmas too.I have Bills and everything she has ,She doesnt see me taking vacations OVER AND OVER..and asking everyone to take over her life for her when she is gone..

Like I said this has happend atleast 9-15 times in the last 6 MONTHS.That she's taken off and asked everyone to pick up after her.
Not to mention missing important things in her grandchildrens lives to do so.Selfish..Maybe I am..To have a mother instead of just a person who's around when they need something.

Answer 1

Ohh how your situation hits so close to home!! I know EXACTLY how you feel and the only solution is...and its not the most pleasant one...is TELL HER. She will get pissed at you and maybe not even want to talk to you, but it is a price that you have to pay for standing up to you. She sounds very petty like my own mother but you just have to stand up to her and she needs to learn to take it!! Good Luck gurly!!

Answer 2

I'm not clear why it's selfish of her to be going on vacations. Because that doesn't leave money to buy you Christmas presents? Because she asks you to take care of her cat? Honestly, that sounds pretty selfish on your part. And the disrespectful way you titled this question does not paint a very flattering portrait of you.

Unless you asked for it, it does seem inappropriate to give you a gift list if she's not going to exchange gifts with you. But you're never obligated to give anyone a gift that isn't given willingly. In this case, though, I'd say go ahead and get her one: an inexpensive VCR (they're very cheap) so she can tape her own shows.

I don't see what the trauma is about taking care of her cat, but if you say you're going to do it, do it. If you don't plan to follow through then tell her from the start that she'll have to ask one of her friends this time. I see from your other posts that you're an adult with children of your own, so it's understandable that you have a busy schedule of your own to keep, but taking care of a cat "several" time does not seem like too much to ask.

You're setting a model for your children now, so treat your mother the way you hope they'll treat you some day.

Answer 3

Well how old are you? Do you live with her? If you do and you are old enough you need to move out on your own...until then, looks like you'll have to deal with the situation.... If you currently don't live with her, well, all you simply have to do is learn to politely say No. Offer no excuses, just say no. Tell her you appreciate all that she has done for you, but at this time you just can't take care of her cat, tape the race for her etc. If she asks why, don't offer any answer, just say you can't.

Answer 4

Tell her to grow the hell up. You are the child, and she is supposed to be the parent, so she needs to act like it. How can she expect you to be so responsible if she's not or hasn't given you a good example to follow. Just do what's important and what you can, that's all anyone can ask of you. As for all the other stuff if it was that important, she would stay home and do it herself. All the best.

Answer 5

Sorry, it sounds like you have a very selfish mother. I'm assuming that you do not live with her, so as an adult, you can tell her to find someone else to deal with her domestic chores. Tell her you still love her, but do not care to be her servant. She will yell and scream, but in a few years, she will come around.
Be patient and strong.

Answer 6

Sounds like she is living in la la land and there is not much you can do when she is so caught up in herself. Just let the cat escape next time and she can worry about looking for it when she gets back. Good luck and stay strong!

Answer 7

shut her out for a short length of time, you are not required to do what she says, SHES AN ADULT, SHES YOUR MOM! part of being a mom is the responsibility of giving you clothes, school, food, you dont have to pay her back in any way possible, it hink thats been done enough.

Answer 8

i would talk to her, tell her that she isn't being fair to expect so much from you when she's been blowing money left and right and then saying that she wants things for christmas when she isn't getting you anything. let her know that she can't do that.

Answer 9

Mothers can be a little presumptuous cant they? My mother was the same and I just told her how I felt. She was pissed for a while but she got over it.

Answer 10

Whatever she do, she is still your mom. You have to respect her even it was too hard. Try to talk with her. When she shout, also shout out loud. We teens have a freedom to shout. Make her realize what she did was wrong.