My boyfriend and I have been together 71/2 years great years never fought but this weekend he dropped a bomb on me and told me he loves me and cares alot about me but doesnt think he is IN love with me anymore. we have no children together but I have an 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship who he has raised since she was a baby. I am really struggling and devastated with this because I love him VERY much and want to make this work but dont know how!! Any help will help me!!! I also asked him if their is someone else and he says NO and I have NEVER expected that their would be!! He is a wonderful person and I dont know how to handle this or make things work. or if he wants them to work we are supposed to talk about the future tonight
2006-11-13 08:13:39 · 15 answers · asked by harlie1056 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to sit down, and talk. Don't fight, just listen and talk. I would review some listening skills before you sit down with him. Listen to what he says, reiterate it in yoru on words to him when he is done and ask if you are understanding. If not, ask him to clarify. If you are understanding, talk to him now and so on.
I doubt that he is just going to throw away 7+ years. That is a long time to be together. You had a fight. Maybe he said something he didn't mean. It's possible, you know.
Keep a clear head...don't cry during the discussion, it is not going to help and might only make him angry. Be an adult about it, and if he still wants things to be over, have a friend on standby for support when you are done talking.
2006-11-13 08:17:10 · answer #1 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him let him go and if it is meant to be he will come back.
Maybe, he just needs a little time away from you to figure out that he does still truly love you. Maybe he is feeling this way now because he has you now and doesn't know what life is without you. With some time a way he may figure out that he really does still love you.
Or maybe he is being honest. There is such a thing as loving someone caring for them and not wanting to hurt them. But not the kind of love that is un-dying the kind of love that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. So you can love someone and not be in love with them. These are 2 totally different things.
Maybe he felt bad for you years ago when you had no one and was alone and about to give birth.So he steped up to help fill this void in your life because he cared for you and didn't want to see you struggle trying to raise a baby on your own.
Maybe, he has stayed with you all these years to do the right thing for you and your child but, for the wrong reasons for him. I think that he has got attached to your daughter over the years and that is what has made him stay this long.
He might of felt guilty when he thought of telling you the truth because of her. He does sound like an out standing man. After all he has helped you take care of your daughter all these years.
Maybe at this point and time in his life he feels comfortable with telling you the truth because your daughter is older and can comprehend that he will still love her even if you 2 aren't together.
I think you should let him go. You don't want to be invovled with someone who can't give you his whole heart. It wouldn't be fair to you or him. You and he both would just be living a lie and eventually things could turn ugly.
He may not be involved with anyone else right now but he may be considering it. If he feels that he don't love you maybe he has come across another lady somewhere that he wants to give a shot. But not until you are out of the picture because of how he cares about you and your daughter. He doesn't want to hurt you anymore than he already has.
He has told you how he feels. You should respect his decision not matter how much it is breaking your heart. If he feels that he made a mistake he'll be back. But, if he doesn't then you can pick the pieces up and start over. And you never know once he leaves you may realize that you only cared about him also. And that you loved him but that you weren't in love with him.
I hope that things work out for you. And I hope that this message has helped you in some way. And if it hasn't I'm sorry.
Good Luck to you.
2006-11-13 17:09:48 · answer #2 · answered by rockn75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to write a very long answer giving you some advice, but I can't find the words. Just that people don't get it that once you've been together for awhile you don't feel 'in love' anymore. I can't explain it. It's something more. It's a contentment, it's a feeling of enjoyment to be together. It's knowing that you would protect the other person at all costs. But it doesn't 'feel' the same anymore.
2006-11-13 16:24:12 · answer #3 · answered by Shayna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do nothing until you talked tonight. If he can explain what he means by loving you, and no being in love with you, than I suggest the next step, as hard as it may be is to take a break from your relationship. Sometimes, as they say ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!!
If it is not to be, as far as your relationship goes, than remember your child should always come first. Don't stop him from seeing her if that is what he wants. I know he has no legal claim, but to stop her from seeing the only dad she knows out of hurt, would only damage your child in the future.
I WISH YOU THE BEST!!!
2006-11-13 16:23:23 · answer #4 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make him love you again, make your self pritty adn sexey when your alone, be more adventorus when your haveing sex and try different things and different places, try it out side or somewhere you shouldnt.
make sure its not due to money, sometime life can get you down if he is worried about cash or has a lot of debt, try to come up with ways to sort the cash out wiht out telling him, you know how mother in laws do, leaving hints to make him think its his idea.
other than that you should try to break up and be friends, because if he is truly not in love with you anymore more, its not fairl to keep him, let him go adn try to mvoe on adn find someone else.
also if you have been together a long time, amke sure he hasnto felt like this for a long time, if he has then you need to find out what he needs and help him get it. he might just be feeling like he is missing out on something in life. might just need to be with somone else. if that all it is and you love him let him go for a bit adn he will come back. jsut make sure you dont lose him when you let him go. keep in touch adn remind him your still there if he wants you. dont wait forever thought no more than a few months and if he aint back maby you need ot let him go for good.
good luck.
2006-11-13 16:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by origamix60 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try something like couples counseling, but honestly if he is not IN love with you your relationship will end up heading south. If you look at him even if he retract what he says and says he IS in love with you again it will just be a matter of time before you will be expecting him to say he is not IN love with you anymore
2006-11-13 16:17:49 · answer #6 · answered by Melisa H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will be back..and notice tht the best years of his life were with you. He will come back to you..it's up to you on wheither you will take him back or not. in the mean time...hang out with some friends. Do things you wouldn't normally do. Maybe take up yoga or curl up and read a nice book. Do things to take your mind off it. I kno tht it mite hurt you. But things will get better :) he will relieze his mistakes soon enough. - yumijam
2006-11-13 16:21:54 · answer #7 · answered by YumiJam 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember..actions speak louder than words. If he says he doesn't love you ,and he treats you as such then move on. There is nothing worse than trying to hold on to a relationship that has run it's course.
2006-11-13 16:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just a matter of acceptance. Just accept what happend to relief the pain. Just take things litterally & just see what the world has to offer.
2006-11-13 16:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by Ashlyn_47 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a Pastor
2006-11-13 16:16:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋