If you were divorced would you show up for surgery for your child?

Question

My ex and I are not speaking and haven't spoke in a year since I and my son pressed charges on him for trying to strangle my 14 year old son. There relationship is getting better even to the point he has been to his dads house. My son had surgery this morning and he had not heard from dear old dad. I could tell he was sad so when he came out of recovery I called dads office told secertary I was my son so he could talk to him. Dad did have a short howd it go conversation but never mentioned on seeing him. Could you live with yourself or am I asking to much to have the man at least act like he gives a sh-t. I would have even offered to leave the room if he would have shown up but he did not.

Answer 1

HE SURELY IS A PEACE OF sHI* SORRY I DON'T USUALLY TALK LIKE THIS BUT THIS IS THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MY MIND HE IS NOT WORTH THE TIME OF EVEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT KIND OF PERSON COULD DO THIS TO A KID DAMM NOW I NOTICE THERE IS JUST STUPID I MEAN VERY STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. I AM SO SORRY JUST TRY TALKING TO YOU'RE KID GIVE HIM A LOT OF TIME AND ATTENTION AND DON'T LET HIM FEEL ALONE AT ALL WELL GOOD LUCK GIRL AND HOPE YOU'RE KID GETS BETTER AND AGAIN SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE =(

Answer 2

Alas, you cannot control your ex. It is your job as a parent to be there for a child, and he obviously failed at that.

That being said, you were there for your child. And as angry with your ex as you are, all you can do is be there for your child. If your son asks where your ex was, you can let him know you contacted him, but leave it at that. Watching a divorce is hard enough for a child, at any age. Your son already knows things are bad, so just concentrate on the positive, that you are there for him, and that he is going to get better from the surgery. Chances are your son has already made his mind up about a father who can't be there for him - nothing good will come from feeding the fire so to speak.

Answer 3

I'm in the same situation and I'm trying to tell myself, that it isn't up to me to keep telling my ex what he needs to do to develop a lasting relationship with his son.(and daughters)
Unfortunately, these kind of men have too many issues and can't seem to really "be there" for their kids. I hurt for the kids---BUT I know from my own experience, (absent father) that kids can survive. Keep on being the open and loving mother you are. Express your disappointment briefly and continue to encourage your son to initiate a call now and then but come the day he doesn't want to go or call- respect it. If this man has anger issues to the point of trying to strangle someone, a few classes in anger management isn't going to cure him.
Any other role models that are positive in your son's life? Uncle, brother, grandpa, coach? Encourage those.
You were smart to get out of the marriage, and now you have to let go! These are things you can't control. Your ex knows it p***es you off and will keep doing it.
I believe your son will find his way without that man!
Believe!

Answer 4

Sweetie,reguardless as to what his "Plans" were,there is nothing more important than your child.If he,didnt show up for his sons surgery no matter what issues you and him have with each other then he has his priorities messed up,horribly.A child,who is your blood,should NEVER be put on the back burner because of hard feelings for another.You were not the issue here.You being there,is NOT the reason he didnt show up.He simply didnt want to be there.That is horrible,and i am sorry i had to say that.Your son should come first over any feelings toward you he has,his job,anything.A child is more important than any hatred for another.He really needs to get his priorities in order before he misses out on everything and your son turns against him.Good luck and have a good evening hun.

Answer 5

I would absolutely show up! The way I look at it is - that's my baby and I could care less who's around, I want to be there for her! (Of course, I'm mom). Unfortunately, I could see my ex not coming to something major for our 12-year-old daughter. He hasn't seen her in months, doesn't even call. She is at the point now where she's pissed at him for it. Well, your son will see who really cares... just let him develop his own opinion and make his decision on a relationship with dear ol' dad. (That's what I did, and it worked a lot better than what my mom did to me and my sister when her and our dad got divorced).

Answer 6

He should have been there for his son regardless of whether the two of you are speaking or not. His son needed and wanted him and he should have been there for him. What's his problem? Maybe your son needs to tell his dad how he feels about him not seeing him after the surgery? That may help him feel better about the situation.

Answer 7

im 15 and my mom is like that only i dont know where she is or her phone number so i cant call her so its up to her to call me which very rarely happens and to answer ur quetion no i couldnt live with myself i dont see how anyone could im not a mother but im an aunt a very involved aunt ive lived with my nephew for a really long time and treat him like a son my sister come to me for alot of advice on her son and boyfriends (dads not in the picture at all) so i think its cool that she treats me like an adult instead of just a 15 year old who has no clue what she talks about when it comes to kids. im sorry i think i got out of the question but if u need to talk about ur sons father or ur son needs to talk my email is [e-mail] and i check it almost daily.

Answer 8

What a jerk. Your son is old enough to realize that his dad is an *** without you even having to say anything. I probably would have said something to the Dad like - "Your son would really love to see you today, he was asking if you were coming" Otherwise, I would just trust that your son knows and hope that he doesn't learn his parenting skills from his father.

Answer 9

Sounds like a very selfish self abosorbed man. Even if your realtionship may be bad, children should always come first. What he did is inexcusable. I feel sorry for your son. I hope is surgery did however go well :)
All the best

Answer 10

maybe with all thats goin on he feels like he no longer has a place there. My dad and I had a huge falling out and I out of the blue called him and invited him to my graduation. His response " I have to work". I said OK then Bye. and didnt hear from him again. (im 26 now and have somewhat mended our relationship for my kids) But my point is, maybe he feels ashamed of what he has done and abandoned and dosent know how to deal. Maybe you can help by inviting. (i know thats above and beyond but maybe thats what he needs) its worse than seeing your childs heart break every time.