I have been with my husband for 7 years, only 2 of which we have been married. He's military, and so I am forced to spend a lot of time alone and trying to be "upbeat" for the kids so they won't be so sad that he is not here. Since this last "redeployment"(he got back from Iraq in Jan 2006,the ENTIRE foundation that I thought was so stable/strong has crumbled down to almost nothing. No soul-mate-connection. No sex. No mental support. No conversation. No friendship. In fact, there is not even emotional consideration-the kind that compels couples to think of each other when they are not together or even having a desire to do something special for the other person "just because." My husband just informed me that he will be spending Christmas with his other kids ,his ex-wife&her family. What about "this family?" How can he not WANT to spend it with us-esp. since we are the ones that have given up so much for him while in Iraq? Is this an indicator that it is time to walk away?
2006-11-13 07:43:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's spending the holidays with his EX-WIFE?!?! it sounds like he's already walked away. that's ridiculous and you shouldn't let him treat you that way.
2006-11-13 07:48:42 · answer #1 · answered by *KiM* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't want to tell you what to do but, um yeah I'd be gone when he came back from with them. You have been the one with him through the deployment, right? So why is he going to spend X-mas with them? Y can't he get the kids and you all spend X'mas together, they are after all sister and brothers? Y does his X get holiday-quality time and all you get is to stay home with your kids without him? Not fair. Marriage is a two way street, and what's right for one should be right for all. Don't think he would want you going to spend X-mas with your ex-husband if you had one.That doesn't even sound right. Do you think they are working on getting back together? I mean he doesn't seem to be interested in you anymore. Maybe you should try talking to him, have a real heart to heart and ask him what's going on?or If he is still interested in being in a marriage with you? If that doesn't work or gets you nowhere fast, you could always call upon his chain of command and get them involved in helping him get right. He might not like it, because the military holds the institution of marriage between a soldier and their spouse in high regard and may frown upon his behavior toward you and your children. Just tell them since he came back, he's been distant and you think he might benefit from talking to someone with you. Or tell them you think the marriage is in jeopardy and you want them to intervene to help you help him. That's if you want to be a real (you know what)lol. But drastic times call for drastic measures. Or else cut your loses now, which I know will be hard considering the kids, and separate, it's like you are by yourself anyways, right? Just make sure you get a good lawyer, so that you are well compensated for being a good wife to your husband while he was away at war, only to have him come home and be indifferent to you and your kids. All I know about the situation is your side, so if it's more to it than what I know (i.e any hidden trangressions on your behalf, I was in the military and know all about how the wives of some deployed soldiers have been known to behave, is it possible he could have heard something thru the grapevine?), consider ALL your options, and do what is ultimately best for you and the kids. All the best.
2006-11-13 08:24:07 · answer #2 · answered by TRUTH HURTZ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so hard, and I am sorry to hear that. I was with out my husband for 2years so I know how it feels. We have a son that is a year and a half. I would feel horrible if he didn't come home to us. I think I would want to end it as well. I would know then where I stand, and who is more important. Why can't he go home to you and maybe have his other kids over also. He is being selfish. And you should let him know. I think if he still did that, I would walk away, at least until he can prove that 'we' came first. Again, sorry and Good Luck.
2006-11-13 07:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by Susa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It appears he is paving the road for you to tell him you want out. Often in relationships, the one who wants out does not know on a conscious level what they are doing, but the actions (being louder than words) are crystal clear. It would seem both of you have no feelings for each other and so there is no point in enduring living together without love. When you point out to him what the relationship has become, he wont be able to deny it.
2006-11-13 10:51:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really do belive he has left you already and made up his mind it seems to get back with his ex wife and kids. i feel its time for you to move on and hopefully it wont be that hard for you as he spent most of your married life away from you. hes not worth it. tell him to leave as soon as possible so you can get on with your own life.
i wish you all the luck in the orld you deserve it.
if you think about the saying absents makes the heart grow fonder well in his case it didnt.
good luck xxx
a friend in england
2006-11-13 08:27:29 · answer #5 · answered by india 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that he has already made the move and just doen't know how to tell you in any other way. You have to think of you and your family now. Just ask yourself this , " Is this the way it is supposed to be and do I want to keep living like this?" That will give you the answer to your question. good luck and God bless.
2006-11-13 07:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by leah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are still hurting too much to end it. I think counseling might help, if he will go with you. If not, go for yourself. You should only end it if you feel you have done everything in your power to make it work. You have no regrets and no stone was left unturned. It is sad what going to war does to some men. My prayers are with you and your family.
2006-11-13 08:17:19 · answer #7 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
War does funny things to guys. Ask him if he wants this marriage to continue. If not, seek an attorney, and get out, sweetie. Yeah, I'd have some real problem with him not wanting to be with you, and your children...
2006-11-13 07:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about what is best for you and your kids. He doesn't sound like he is interested anymore and that is not good, maybe counseling as a family will help.
2006-11-13 07:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide when you have had enough and if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life !!!
2006-11-13 07:46:07 · answer #10 · answered by maureen a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋