help a new father?

Question

im a new father and nervous, i have had no experiance in this and im trying to stay stong for my soon to be wife. I just dont know what to do next, we think she is about 4-6 weeks in, we havent even schduled a docs appointment yet, i know we need 2. so i know about the docs and i got an idea of how to tell our familys. but now where do i go? whats the next step, what are the do's and donts, can i have sex? i need to know what can possible be bad for the baby. im walking on egg shells cause im so scared. She miscarried about 2 years ago with her ex and i dont want it to happen again. any help?

Answer 1

wow you're going to be a great dad! :)

You can have sex until the doc says not to. 90% of all women miscarry their first pregnancy, and half of those don't even know they were pregnant. I had one my first preg, and I didn't have any problems with my 2nd pregnancy with my daughter.

Be supportive of her. And, by all means, go with the flow...she will be moody, whiny, bloaty, craving weird things at all hours of the night, happy one minute, sad the next, want sex, don't want sex, etc etc...all this is normal. Just chalk it up to hormones. Be there for her emotionally above all else. Don't walk on egg shells, pregnancy is a normal part of our lives, good luck and congrats!

Answer 2

Do encourage her to quit if she already does.
Don't smoke around her or allow any one else to.
Do encourage regular exercise, such as walking or swimming. Go with her; you'll both benefit and it's a great bonding activity.
Don't over exercise. You're not training for a marathon.
Do encourage healthy foods and eating habits.
Don't skip meals.
Do encourage plenty of water, fruit juices and milk.
Don't hand her alcohol.
Do continue to enjoy your sex life until she decides the belly is too large to be comfortable. As the pregnancy progresses, try different positions and situations to make things more comfortable for her. Sex will not harm the baby.
Do try to relax. Find things to do together that are relaxing. A good massage will be good for both of you. There are special massages done for pregnant women. You can even take a massage class together and learn to massage each other.
Do find out about birthing and new parent classes in your area. Your doctor and the hospital should have that information available. You will find people in these classes who are just as new as you are and people who are old hats at this.
Do remember that there are millions of reasons why a woman may miscarry. It is best for both of you to focus on making this pregnancy as healthy and happy as you can. There are also support groups for people who have experienced miscarriages. The hospital would have that information as well.
Do enjoy yourselves during this most amazing period. There will be beautiful things that happen, like feeling the first movements, hearing the heartbeat for the first time. Cherish these. After this the real work begins.
Do make that appointment with the doctor tomorrow. The doctor will be much more able to answer any questions and worries you may have than anyone online can.
As an added push, a woman who has health care early in her pregnancy is more likely to have carry to full term and deliver a healthy infant.
Congratulations!

Answer 3

Congrats!

My Fiance and I are expecting our first baby in about 4 weeks' time!

The best thing I can advise you to do is make an docs appoint ASAP to get the pregnancy confirmed and go along to the docs with your fiancee. That way you can listen to all the doc has to say - its much easier when there are two people to remember it all! Ask the doctor all your questions, he/she will be able to give you the best and most accurate advice.

Don't stress out about miscarriages, you'll scare her and stress her out too. Be as positive as you can! Just because she had a previous miscarriage doesn't mean she did anything "wrong" or that she'll have another. Most miscarraiges are nothing to do with anything the mother has or hasn't done but to do with developmental issues with the foetus that are sadly beyond anyone's control.

She might start feeling sick and tried and yukky so be as helpful as you can. Get her some nice herbal tea to drink - (Hipp Organic Fennel is lovely, I'm addicted to it), bring her biscuits or toast in bed in the morning and be as supportive as you can.

Sex during pregnancy is fine unless there are any problems and your doctor has told you not to.

If you have pets, don't let her clean out the cat litter or pick up dog poo - you take over that duty! Also any heavy lifting or strenous work around the house is your job from now on. As is the shopping if she doesn't feel up to it. Try and take over as much cooking duty as you can - its really hard to cook when you're feeling sick and she won't feel like eating it afterwards! She'll be more likely to eat well if you cook for her.

Make sure she takes a prenatal vitamin supplement so even if she is off her food or not able to eat well for a few days she and the baby will get all they need.

Other than that, take her lead - she'll tell you if she'd not feeling good or needs extra help!

Make sure you get to know your doctor and/or midwife - they really are the best people to ask. My fiance rings the midwives up all the time anytime he's a bit worried about me or any symptoms!

Get a book on pregnancy and birth and make sure you read it!

Don't listen to old wives tales. If you need advice on anything ask your doctor or midwife, they know what they are talking about whilst Great Auntie Ethel or your friend's mum's sister doesn't (even if she means well!)

Tell your families whenever you want - there is no rule. We told everyone the day we got a positive pregnancy test! We'd been trying for ages and there was no way we were going to keep it secret!

Good luck and enjoy the next 8 months - they go really fast - I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and don't know where the time's gone!

Answer 4

First of all you need to calm yourself. You are not getting a baby today. In fact, it may seem as if forever has passed until you do actually have a baby in your arms. That said, you need to get her into the doctor or midwife as soon as she can be seen since this is a first pregnancy. Usually a first pregnancy is delievered in the hospital, but if she is into the natural thing there are alot of women who go to birthing centers to have their babies. www.babycenter.com is the best site I have found yet for pregnancy questions. You do have to be careful though, as they tend to slant some things so they sound very scary when they actually are not. www.babyzone.com is another great site that I frequent. There are many books you can buy as well. The best for the expectant mother IMO would be "What to Expect When You're Expecting." I don't know the best book for expectant fathers, but I know there are a bunch of them out there, and babycenter has a load of stuff for expectant fathers. As long as it's a normal pregnancy you should be able to have as much sex as you want. Your girlfriend will want to do things like stop drinking, smoking, or taking any type of drugs and consult her doctor immediately if she is on any perscriptions to make sure they are ok to take during pregnancy. She won't be able to eat certain things or change the cat's litter box. Miscarriages happen. There is really nothing you can do to prevent or predict one. There is no amount of coddling or resting that is going to cure a deformed fetus(or whatever the problem may have been) so it is spontaneously miscarried. I've been there, and it's certainly not the best of feelings, but it's also not her fault in most cases. Be as supportive as you can when she expresses her fears and reassure her that you don't think it will happen again, even if you are scared too. She should just be as normal as possible. Do everything she was doing before, but with more vitamins, healthier food, etc, unless of course she was sky diving before. In that case, she'll probably have to cut that out. Good Luck

Answer 5

It is usually safe to have sex when pregnant. The baby is very well protected. Some women are more sexually aroused when pregnant and some aren't. If she doesn't want to do it, don't pressure her. She may be more nervous because of the miscarriage and even if she is worried for no reason, it is a valid reason for her and you don't need to give her additional stress. Make sure you go to the doctor with her. Ask the doctor about having sex. Maybe if the doctor explains to her that it will be ok she'll feel less worried about it. Most miscarriages are caused by a genetic problem and there is nothing that the mother did to cause it. Congratulations on the baby.

Answer 6

The first step is to take some deep breathes and calm down. You won't be much help to her if you are a nervous wreck, and you'll do nothing more than get on her nerves.

The next step is to go with her to the doctor appointments. This way you will be able to experience as much of the growth of your baby as possible, without doing the incubation yourself.

The third step is to be sure to ask the doctor all of the questions you are asking here. If your soon to be wife is having a normal pregnancy, sex is fine for as long as she will tolerate it. As she grows you may have to alter your positions to accomodate the baby, but her body will be more than happy to let her know what she can and cannot take. If she is having a risky pregnancy, then it is best to follow the doctor's orders. Her doctor can answer any questions you may have about the pregnancy.

Answer 7

In a normal pregnancy sex is OK. If she miscarried before, you should find out why. If it is a high risk pregnancy then the doctor may advise you not to have sex but typically it is OK. Spend as much time with your soon to be wife as you can because everything changes when the baby is born. You will find yourself more tired, and there will be less alone time for just the two of you. Pregnancy and baby's are a wonderful thing and enjoy both of them. Be prepared for mood swings, morning sickness, and tears LOL almost all pregnant women go through all three or at least one of them. She should be careful of certain medications, some of them can harm the development of the baby. Tylenol is safe but she should avoid ibuprofen and products that contain ibuprofen. You have lots of time but get prepared for crib, playpen, changing table, ect. There are a lot of great products out there that are very useful. I have found that the Graco pack and play with changing table has been my best investment ever. It also works as a bassinet. CONGRATULATIONS! And of course good luck! Check out www.mayoclinic.com and www.babycenter.com, both are great sites for information on pregnancy. The mayo clinic website is also great for information on drugs both prescription and over the counter that are safe to take while pregnant.

Answer 8

You wife/girlfriend needs to see a doctor. The first trimester (first 3 months) of a pregnancy is riskiest. Usually, if you make it past the first trimester, chances have significantly improved that the baby will make it to term. So, many couples wait to tell their familys until they've made it through the first trimester.

Go to the ob/gyn exams if you can. The doctors can answers questions for both of you based on her individual situation. It's also a big kick to hear the baby's heart beating on the monitor and experience the ultrasounds.

When you find out what hospital you guys want to have the baby at, they often offer classes for first time parents on a number of topics, from helping the mother through the delivery and how to help coach her to baby care 101. They go into what car seats to get, what the laws are, etc...My hosptial even had a class on getting grandparents up to speed on the latest laws and theories on babies since they last cared for a child. These classes are usually very affordable.

The more you attend with your wife, the more up to speed you will be on what needs to be done.

Good luck. I heard a guy on the radio the other day say he saved every receipt for a year after the baby was born. His family spend $15,000 for everything...diapers...hospital visit, cribs, car seats, etc...

Answer 9

It's normal for you to be nervous. Sex is not bad for the baby (as long it with his mother). You should go to the Doctor's appointment with her for support and to learn all the do's and do not's. mostly she has to be careful not to drink alcohol, not eat unpasterized food (honey, certain cheeses etc) or uncooked meats (no sushi) be exposed to second hand smoke or clean the littler box. She is going to be very tired for a while so if you help with some hose work she'll really appreciate it. Also, she's going to have some wild mood swings around week 10! Go easy on her!

There is a good book for new dad's - The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be, Second Edition (Paperback)
by Armin A. Brott, Armin A. Brott

and

A Guy's Guide to Pregnancy; Preparing for Parenthood Together by Frank Mungeam

Generally, she can continue to do what she normally would do for the most part.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Pick up the book "What To Expect When Expecting" not only will it help you out but her as well! It tells you everything you need to know and then some. Another good book for her to have that'll relax her some is "The Girlfriend's Guide To Pregnancy"...it'll make her laugh. Sex is okay until her water breaks...in fact they encourage it. Some places offer a Daddy Boot Camp for new dads: trains them with real babies and veteran daddies, you learn how to change diapers, bathe, swaddle, burp, etc.. It's a great class to take! Just let her know you're there for her, make sure she's relaxing and taking it easy, try not to let her be overwhelmed and stressed and above all fulfill her cravings! Congrats and best of luck!