How can I save my marriage?

Question

I have been married for over just a year and my husband and I just got back together about a month ago but he is up and left again.
My relationship right now is some what verbal abuse he drinks a lot. He says that I am to mean to him. He says that I get mad all the time. And he is not with me right now. I have no clue on what to do because I really love him we have three kids together but for some reason things are not going right. I am really clueless and confused I dont know what to do can someone give me some advice on what direction to take.

Answer 1

He is just trying to make you take the blame for his behavior. That is how abusive men work and make you think it is all your fault. He obviously does not care about you that much if he just up and leaves and puts all the blame on you. You are better off leaving him and getting your kids away from a man like that. They will either be abusers or take abuse from someone else. He walks all over you and guess what, your kids will to as long as you keep them in that environment. Your husband is a horrible role model and so are you for putting up with him. You can't save your marriage because he does not respect you enough to stick around and work things out. GET OUT NOW!! I pray that you will take people's advice and put you and your children first. I get mad at my husband all time but he does not treat me they way your man does. Think about all the healthy relationships you know of and compare yours to them.

Answer 2

Well it seems as if your husband its trying with you. Its hard to save anything when only one person is trying. You cant save a sinking ship alone. You need help and he isnt giving it to you. He would rather take the easy way out and leave. Verbal abuse isnt a good thing it can tear your self esteem down. Your kids dont need to see or hear this abuse. One of them might grow up to be just like your husband abusive and a alcoholic . You need to make the best for your family dont look for this man for support. You need to do whats in the best interest of the children.

Answer 3

OK let go back, his drinking & verbal abuse are not new
if so you did know what you were getting yourself into
and still stay and have 3 children (i know the children were before the marriage) still if he was like that from the start you should not have gotten married
but the damage is done
how about counsoling, do you think he will go for it
you should try it that is the only way
to save this marriage
Good luck

Answer 4

girl my relationship has been on the rocks for about a year now and i have two kids. It is just now finally getting better but i had to suck it up and do exactly what i am telling you. All I can tell you is to focus focus focus on your kids and yourself first. If he wants to jump on the same train that your riding then let him if you want too otherwise keep your head focused on you and your children. If he wants it he will come around. You cannot make him stay and love you and trying to takes up too much precious time that can go to you and your kids. Just pick yourself up and go put some good songs on and do something nice with just you and your kids and dont think of what your doing wrong! Cuz it sounds like him.

Answer 5

Sounds to me you both may benefit with a marriage counselor something you should have thought of before you reunited , A third party is needed for you and your family there are allot of places you can turn for help and if you belong to a church start there. community centers may be able to steer you in the right direction. Good luck and be sure to let your kids know that you and your husband are going to do everything you can to work things out. Dan

Answer 6

The only way to find true peace is accepting Jesus as your Savior. Find a Christian church near your home and get counselling from the Pastor. It is free and with best results. You will receive love and goodness and many prayers. If you can also join a women's Bible Study. Get into the Word of God. You will never regret it. Your confidence will just shoot up 100%.
Praying is POWERFUL. Trust me I know. I have seen major changes in my life, marriage and children...all for the better...

Get the book "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian. Very Very Good. Pray! It is the only way you will start seeing positive changes in yourself and your husband. You separation or divorce is not from God...it is from Satan...don't let him destroy you.
Reading and learning the Word of God brings peace, love, guidance to everything in life... You will never regret having Jesus first in your life. He is the answer to all your problems. You will never be the same once Jesus touches your heart. You will see changes in your hubby too. Here's a verse for you.

Jer 29:11-13
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

I pray the best for you & your family.

God Bless you!

Answer 7

I would suggest counseling but it doesn't sound like he'd be willing to do that. Maybe file for legal separation and see if it gets his attention. He needs to stop drinking before you should place yourself and your children back in that environment. Until then, I'm sorry, but you married the wrong man. He's not a good husband or father and without being good at those things, he's not worthy of having the priveledges. Remember that...you and your children should be a gift to him. Not a burden.

Answer 8

I feel your pain and your heart break. You have made a commitment and I realize you want to make good on it, but you can not force someone else to make good on their end. You are the only sane parent for your kids. What message is being sent to your kids. You should look at AA and if you make the choice to try to work it out, you should make him understand that he needs the help. Stop taking the blame, you aren't the blame and it is his choice - not what you are doing.

Get some professional help for yourself as well. Your kids need their mom. Be strong, you and your kids do not deserve this kind of treatment.

Answer 9

You should get some marriage counseling. His drinking only makes matters worst. Perhaps he should join A.A. to help him with the drinking problem. However in the interim, I suggest that you two stay separated and work on the problem from each end. Once the personal issues are squared away, then both you of will be better able to approach the problem within your marriage.

Answer 10

Its often said that men and women think, talk and behave differently, leading to misunderstandings.

You could read two books that were popular a few years ago. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and "Mars and Venus in the bedroom". Many people don't like the style and criticize it for encouraging a pre-feminist 1950s lifestyle, but it is based on talking to lots of real couples.

Some key points (generalizations) Dr Gray makes are that :-

Men worry about and base their sense of identity on being competent and successful. Anything that makes them feel unsuccessful or incompetent (such as constant criticism) makes them feel terrible.

Women worry about and base their sense of identty on the quality of their relationships. If they feel their relationships aren't right they feel terrible. They therefore need constant words of reassurance.

The books cover what to do about this and how to talk to each other in man-speak/woman-speak.

Something else it said is that if you want a man to do something, then the only way that really works is to phrase it as a polite request, beginning with the words 'Would you...'. Then, if he does it, say thank you. For example, 'Would you just hold me for a while?'.

This is a much better alternative to nagging, emotional blackmail, tears, mind-games, etc (in the opinion of Dr Gray).