Why would my father mentally abuse me?

Question

I have been mentally abuse basicually my entire life never realizing it until I removed myself from that enviroment, I was just wondering why my father would do that. Now it has conditioned my mind, its like everytime I make a mistake my mental response is that "I am dumb, I never do anything right"? Also what are some ways that I can contradict the negative thoughts? Please Help any advice?

Answer 1

Just know you're a good person with a good heart and know you'll never treat anyone the same as your father did you, cause you know how much it hurts. You're not dumb, you do everything the best way you know how. Just remember this, it's always helped me (as my dad was manipulative too) : You need to ensure your happiness first, you'll never be able to "please" everyone in life, so do what you can and be on your merry way. There's no way you'll ever live up to someone who has many deep problems inside. He did that to you because of his own insecurities, it has NOTHING to do with what kind of person you are. Just remember when you decide to have kids of your own that you'll not do this to them, you'll give them the love and praise they deserve as individuals. He may have some sort of resentment toward you cause you ARE a better person than him. My dad was actually jealous of my sister and I because we took up all of our mother's time. You've got your life together and things are good for you. Misery loves company, he was just trying to bring you down with him. Just love him, he's your father, and everything happens for a reason. If it doesn't kill you it can only make you stronger! Think positive, you can change your attitude, but you can't change anyone else. Live for today, cause it's all we've got! Keep your head up! I hope I've helped...

Answer 2

My mother mentally abused me.......I am now 35 years old and I still have problems making my own decisions, and standing up for myself.

I end up getting walked over and disrespected. For the past 5 years I have seen people in a different light. I realize now that Me and My family are the only thing that matter. I really dint much for other people. I an slowly regaining my self confidence and dignity.

Your father was probably mentally abused as a child as my mother was. YOU have to break the cycle.....I have caught myself saying things to my daughter that my mother has said to me. I now, think before I speak. I dint want my daughter thinking this is how you are supposed to speak to children.

Answer 3

oh oh oh. it is definitely a matter of control. father doesn't think he is very smart or good looking or good at anything so he has to make sure that he brow beats you so you will think that he knows best and can tell you how things should be. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and say, Hey, i am good at this and everyone makes mistakes but i know how to correct it and i am pretty and i am smart and other people do not treat me like my father so he is the one that is wrong. When your father says something to you again, simply say, Dad, I love you, but you are no longer going to put me down and make me feel unworthy. That only belittles you. From now on I am going to do things my way and be happy with myself.

Answer 4

your father basically taught you to blame yourself for everything. now you have to unlearn and teach yourself a more reasonable response. it's very hard especially by yourself. replace your immediate "why did I do that?" with a simple "what just happened?" to begin with and take it from there. don't expect anything to change too soon. and of course blaming yourself when nothing changes right away is a trap you are almost bound to fall in. if at all possible seek help. i, for example, had my husband as my one man support group. i'm still falling into my old ways sometimes even though i'm away from home over 12 years now. one more piece of advice, and maybe the hardest one: forgive your father! not for his sake, for yours! carrying this hate around with you is one more thing that hinders you from finding out what a great person you really are!! i wish you all the luck and strength you'll need.

Answer 5

I would suggest going to a counsellor of some sort, you need help to control the feeling you feel and to get rid of the negativity your father has bestowed upon you. Your father was probably in a similar situation as you were, or in some sort of relationship where he was treated similar, and so his self confidence etc... was brought down to a low, without even realising what he was doing probably, did the same thing to you!! Your father oviously needs help too, i would suggest some family counselling for the two of you!!

~CHEERS!!~

Answer 6

He may have self esteem issues. May have grown up in the same type of situation. Picks on you because you are the easiest target, you put up with it, thinks you are "weak" in his mind, he may be somewhat jealous of you. Be extra careful in your relationships, for some reason we are drawn to that type of personality after growing up with it. I'm speaking from experience. Just because you are not exactly as he is doesn't make you dumb, ignorant, weak, or a lesser person. We are all worthy of a great life filled with love and happiness. Counseling helps.

Answer 7

Maybe he didn't know how to be a good role model, maybe he wasn't ready to be a father/parent. Maybe he didn't know the effects his actions would have on you later in life.
You need to know within yourself, that you are NOT stupid, you are NOT worthless. You are worthy of a happy life, as we all are. Stop the cycle now, vow to NEVER do that to your own children (when/if you have them). Remind yourself that you are a strong, important person, with many good qualities and traits that make you who you are. What doesn't kill us, makes up stronger. MUCH stronger. Learn from your experiences, be different than him, and hold your head high.....confident to know that you will lead a happy, full life....with the end result being peace of mind. xoxo Good luck to you my friend!

Answer 8

it takes approx 6 mths to reprogram each individual characteristic and routine that you slip into, this is why its bad idea to slip into these cases in first case but we dont always realise im afraid

you have noticed and acknowledged that you have a problem, many ppl never do this (your father for instance) and spend their whole lives blaming other ppl - so first of all, well done and congratulations

every time you notice (and you wont always, dont worry bout that), you have to stop yourself and remember what you want to achieve in your head and do something else

it helps to break routines, do something different for sake of it, just changing your route home or going for a walk home instead of driving can be fantastic

if you cant do it alone, then there are organisations for victims of abuse that can help you - hope that helps

Answer 9

CAN i tell you this? MY MOTHER is the same way. DONT BELIEVE THEM. I FEEL SORRY 4 them. I FEEL sorry 4 my mother. THEy lift them selves up 4 putting you down.THIS is what i did. EVERY TIME THEY DO THAT I GET UP AND LEAVE. AND FINALLY I told her if your going to behave in this fashion i wont come back. I found new friends. ACTUALLY i feel like i have no family i wasnt even told of my fathers DEATH. THEIR LOSS.REMEMBER This when you make a stand you may lose your family. NOW i feel the only family i had was my granny+ grandpa. WHEN they died i had no family left that respects me. THats it they need to respect you or your not responding to them. HAVE xmas with friends. SEND the MESSIAGE YOUR NO push over. AND find a church or jewish temple to support you. BEST WISHES. btw i am free+happy with out them. star

Answer 10

Do you love your life? Do you love yourself? Think of all the things you've been thru and how you overcome them. Then think of all the good things you've done.
Thats all that counts.
My father was a real card. Even when I did well he would try to put me down. What you need to do is list all the things you've done with your life, even if it was just letting someone in in traffic.
Its his loss if he couldnt see how special you are just for being born.