Don't know how to leave, I need help?

Question

I have been with my fiancé for three years. I want to marry him, but I want to wait. He wants to rush in to the marriage, I think that if he loves me that he will be willing to wait for me. We have a lot to work on before we get married. He likes to manipulate me doesn’t like me to leave for the weekend to see my friends (controlling). I am 21 and he is 28 his friends are all married with kids and don’t have time to hang out. My friends are all still young and have time to hang out. So he and his mom guilt trip me about going and visiting them.

I don’t know how to explain how I am feeling; he said that if I didn’t marry him by October that he will leave me. I love him with all my heart but I feel like I need to go off and do my own thing before I commit. Is there anyway to do my own thing, and still be with him. Or is it unfair to him?

I need help and don’t know what to do… I need some advice please.

I have never broken up with anyone in my life and I have never felt worse than I do now. How the heck do I break it to him, when I love him so much?

Can you love someone so much but yet not have it work out?

Answer 1

I think you already know the answer to this question. You need to leave him, or let him leave. I know it is hard and it will be hard, but a few months of pain to get over over him now, will be a whole lot better than going through years of pain marrying someone who is controlling and manipulative (not marriage material!)

When two people get together, your friends should become his friends and vice versa (if possible) When you are in a healthy marriage or relationship, you should not have to give up anything; family, friends etc, and if you do, especially if you are being forced to, then this relationship is not the one for you and you need to consider that before you make any more major decisions about this guy.

And btw, what does his mother have to do with your relationship with him? What shots is she trying to call? If she is already teaming with him whenever you 2 have a disagreement, that is just another sign to leave. This sounds like one of those situations where the son has not grown up and he needs mommy to help him fight his battles. I may be jumping the gun, but right now, I'm talking from experience, and my situation was a lot like yours, only I didn't listen to my parents and I have been paying for it every since, and that has been 7 years ago.

There is nothing wrong with seeing your friends, and if he has a problem with it, invite him along (if possible) let him meet your freinds and let him see they are harmless. Unless you are giving him reasons not to trust you, this guy seems like he needs a major 'tude adjustment, and you leaving may give him the right push to help him make his adjustment.

At 21, you are still young, so think about it, if you and this guy are having problems now, marrying him will not make them go away, the problems will only compund, and you do not want that. So what if he gave you an ultimatum, he probably is calling you bluff, but then should he not be, just tell him how you feel.

Listen to yourself, anyone that reads your post can tell that by your statements alone, you are not really ready for marriage, I don't know if its because subconsciously you have seen things about your fiance' that gives you qulams about maryying him, or it may be that you just want to finish finding yourself and get more settled before settling down for good. Personally, I think it is both, but go with your gut. My advice to you is not to marry this guy, (at least until you are ready) like it is now, you will regret it in the end, and marriages starting like this don't last long anyways. Both of you have to want the same thing, and if you don't then it's time to move on, or at least tell him how you feel, and take it slow from there.

If push comes to shove, stay engaged, but hold off on the marriage part until you guys have sorted out your differences. People are never going to be perfect, and neither are their marriages, but this is starting out far from perfect, and if you marry him, the same problems you started with are going to show up again, only it will be 1 among many more that may stem from this one problem. So think long and hard, marriage is supposed to be for life. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Nyema

Answer 2

You are too young to get married! You are right about your feelings, you are both in different stages of adulthood and you still have a lot of things to live before marryimg.

If he doesnlt understand this, then he is not the one for you. Do you have an engagement ring yet? Did you say yes? If yu say yes, then you can set the date to, say, 2010? whenever you finish college or whatever yoru goals are. Or giving back the engagement ring and tell him that you need to think about it a little bit more.

Noone can coerce you into marriage, This is your life and if you are not 100% sure of this, then don't.

Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, to hazard labeling myself a rank novice within the eyes of anyone so confident as Ian, I will say that this poem is already fairly cast, even though I do feel that the grammatical inversion you may have selected within the line 'But nonetheless she appears to relief uncover' is unnecessarily abstruse; I for my part realize your reason precisely, however my grammatical experience is surprisingly subtle and I recognize you followed it to keep the exacting, metronomic cadence this poem has. However, it used to be useless. You might have mentioned as effectively 'But relief nonetheless she appears to uncover' and feature have shyed away from striking the direct item in a break up infinitive. Is what you probably did wrong gramatically? No, however via the equal token it isn't ideal .Now directly to the tip of the poem, and the penultimate line: I feel it might higher serve your cause to switch the interval finishing the antepenultimate line via a comma (making of the road a clause), after which changing 'that is' with 'what is' within the penultimate line. I trust you that you just cannot difference the final line to Ian's advice with out exchanging the impact of the complete poem, that is that Beth is attempting to uncover a few souvenir of the daddy she certainly not knew. She will remedy not anything via crying; she's effortlessly curious. I grew up in a unmarried-mother or father loved ones; my mom raised me, and my brother, with out him. He left her among the time of my perception and my delivery; I've certainly not met him or talked to him. I have obvious portraits and heard the studies, however that is it. I can, as much as a factor, empathize with 'Beth.' It's now not an get together for crying such a lot as one for wondering, "Who used to be he?" and "Who am I?" That being mentioned, the phrase 'frank' have to be one you want to use to Beth's mom, who lives for the needs of the poem 'offstage', which serves to make Beth's questing extra solitary, extra heartbreaking. To the level that your method attracts the reader towards her, it makes the phrase 'frank' look extraordinary (personally). A knotty quandary you may have there Cassie! How will you remedy it. I do not intend to let you know 'the way you will have to' when you consider that our animated correspondence has confident me ordinarily of the fervour of your brain and you'll uncover the way in which... your manner! Just do not take 'Beth' away to a couple some distance get rid of within the system. All in all, a best poem however one you'll be able to, via additional cautious inspiration, make much more distinctive.

Answer 4

Honest answer - let him leave. Would hurt probably right now, but will probably be for the best in the end. Any man that is giving you ultimatums now and doesn't want you to go and do things with your friends for whatever reason sounds like he has some issues and with time and marriage they will only get worse, not better.

Answer 5

You said he manipulates. Well, that should tell you something. If you let him manipulate you into marriage when you are not ready, you will be resentful. This is no way to start a marriage. Don't give in to these ultimatum. It is not love when they expect you to give yourself away. IF you are having so many second thoughts about this, that is your first clue that it is not what you really want.

Answer 6

Don't let him pressure you into marriage. You will resent him later on because you didn't get the chance to do your own thing. Let him leave if he wants. If he really loves you he will be back. Being in a controlling relationship isn't good. You will grow to hate him. I know this, because it happened to me.

Answer 7

Go with your heart on this. You are making a mature and rational decision to not make him force you into something your not ready for. Breaking up with him is really nothing more than saying that your not going to marry him by October and if he really insists than you are going to go your separate way.
Trust me... if you go against your instincts, you will regret it in the end because only you know what will work for you.
Good luck !!

Answer 8

Let him leave...if he loves you he should be able to wait for you