My husband and I only got married a little over a month ago, and we haven’t had sex since the day after our wedding. It would seem pretty cut and dry but let me add to that, I am six months pregnant and he is pretty stressed b/c he recently lost his job and we are financially insecure. Before the wedding, sex had slowed down for us but has since come to a grinding halt. I have tried many tactics including calm conversation, coming on to him, acting uninterested, etc. He has a plethora of excuses: stressed out, unhappy with his own physical appearance, doesn’t want to hurt the baby… I have told him I would rather end things sooner than later if his feelings have changed but he insists it will get better soon and that he loves me more than anything. If I thought my physical appearance were the reason, I wouldn’t bother writing. Other than this huge problem he is very affectionate toward me and talks a lot about the future. Please help me I don’t want to cry myself to sleep another night.
2006-11-13 05:39:28 · 23 answers · asked by questiongurl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand he might have fears about the baby, but other than that, I'm confused. My husband actually requests more sex when he's stressed out. It relaxes him. I think he's being selfish personally.
2006-11-13 05:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This probably isn't really as big a deal as it feels like it is right now.
What you've described is a time of enormous change in both your lives. Getting married is a major life change all by itself, not to mention job loss, and expecting a child three months from now.
It's sure to be a stressful time. There could be a physical component to his problem. I'd suggest he see a doctor for a check-up. What's more likely is that he's depressed. Loss of sexual interest is a major symptom of depression. Job loss and the other stressful situations you've mentioned can bring on a bout of depression. Again, a doctor might be able to help with this.
Also, talking with a minister or counselor might be helpful
Obviously, you're frustrated right now because you have needs and desires that are not being fulfilled. Talk with him about this and make sure he knows that you're concerned, but also that he has obligations to you in this area. Explain that you expect a certain level of sexual engagement to continue even if he can't give it his all right now.
At the same time, try to understand that his behavior really doesn't say anything about how he feels about you, or about how attractive he thinks you are. This is really about what is going on with him and his attitude toward life, not about his feelings toward you. If he says he loves, he probably does.
2006-11-13 06:04:26 · answer #2 · answered by Dean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Calm down and give him some space. Men can get stressed out too, and you bugging him about it will only make matters worse. If in just over a month you have tried *all* these "tactics" - you're putting WAY too much pressure on him about the wrong things, at the time when he needs your support the most. Sex is not the main thing in marriage; get over it. If the problem persists for several months, perhaps it's a medical issue. Right now, however, I only see it as an emotional setback which you can overcome together.
2006-11-13 06:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, whether they will admit it or not, many men have issues about their wives being pregnant. It has to do with lots of different things; your shape changing, your weight gain, the idea of a baby being inside you, the thought of a baby coming OUT of you, the reality of the two of you never being just you two again, the mix-up in their heads that some men have when it comes to differences in women who are lovers, and women who are mothers... and with all this possibly going on, add to that no job whenever he now has YOU and a baby on the way to look after and support, and you've got a new husband with problems. Don't add to his misery by assuming he now doesn't want you. Be a big girl and look at life from HIS viewpoint... and slow down!! You've got the rest of your lives to be together and make love. It'll keep! :)
2006-11-13 05:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by themom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to just sit down with him and talk about the situation. You need to both listen to the other & come to a conclusion of solving the issue that is causing the pain. If this is happening early in a marriage then it won't get better if you don't both work together. When guys are under stress it does effect their sexual drive just as it does to females. And yes some guys are scared to have sexual relations with his pregnant spouse in fear of hurting the unborn & if this is the case have him go with you to your next OB appt. You should bring it up to the doc so your husband isn't uncomfortable. He just needs reassurance. Be patient it sounds like you 2 love eachother.
Good luck & congradulations.
2006-11-13 05:47:26 · answer #5 · answered by tygernside 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetie...you just described me and my husband in many ways. we got married 2 months ago (but we have been living together for almost 3 years now)...i am 34 weeks pregnant (right now)...we have a son that turned 1 a few weeks ago...he lost his job 3 weeks ago.....i have done many of the things that you described to get him interested...but he's not...except maybe once a month. i think that we've had sex maybe 3 times total since our wedding day (Aug 28, 06). stop stressing out about the sex issue....its going to get better after the baby comes. he is very stressed about things (as my husband is too). stop thinking of ending things too....its a rough patch that your just going to have to deal with...feel free to e-mail me btownsbabyblueangel@yahoo.com) if you need a friend or shoulder to cry on....i KNOW what your going through.. good luck.
2006-11-13 05:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont give up on the relationship just yet. All of his "excuses" are reasons that could be valid. Try explaining to him how you are feeling and what this is doing to you in a calm conversation. Maybe he doesn't realize how this is affecting you and is being selfish in his feelings due to everything going on right now. From what you have said it sounds like he still loves you and cares but is worried about the unexpeted events that have occured.
2006-11-13 05:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by CGS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey. I am sooooo sorry you are going through this. Try all you can to help him find another job. It will be like you helping yourself. His reason is true and his words are true: stress can do this to a man. Hang in there. Join the Yahoo! group S.W.A.G.E. (spouses who aren't getting enough - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/swage ) and know you are not alone. Do not lay in bed next to him and let yourself cry. Get up and watch TV in the other room, try a hobby, write an erotic novel, do SOMETHING. Hang in there. I know the depth and pain of your problem. Just hang in there and take heart in the (albeit weird but true) fact that after the baby, his sex drive will return but HE'LL have *6 weeks of waiting ahead of him.
2006-11-13 05:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make him come to your next doctors appt with you and ask the doctor right while he is sitting there if it will hurt the baby. Some men have issues as to sex during pregnancy. Maybe you need to be more naughty for him. If he isnt having sex there is definately a reason. Im guessing that its a mixture of job loss, hurting the baby, and just overall life. MAYBE HE NEEDS TO SEE THE DOCTOR!!!
2006-11-13 05:45:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should probably stop being a complainer and start being a supportive wife...with all the reasons you listed about how unstable your life is right now the last thing your poor husband needs is the stress from you....GROW UP!!!!!!!.....act like an adult and a wife who cares about her husband and the life you are trying to build together and stop being such a selfish little brat or you will be in divorce court quick
2006-11-13 06:30:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having sex while you are pregnant doesn't hurt the baby. Tell him that you need some physical contact, it would be hard to not get anyting for 3 months.
2006-11-13 10:36:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋