If your husband cheated on you, would you tell his mother?

Question

I have not done this, yet. But i want to. The reason, you might ask? He is VERY close to his mom. She thinks he can do no wrong, she is constantly telling me how lucky I am to have HIM. He is the light in his parents eyes. And in my own little hurt emotional mind right now, telling her what her 'perfect' son did to me would be my 'revenge' because I know it would kill him to know how dissapointed she would be in him. But the other problem is, we are working it out, and I'm afraid telling his mom would do more damage and make a bad situation worse. But, God, i want to tell her cuz I'm so tired of hearing, "Steve is so good to you, you are so lucky to have to him, be patient bla bla bla..."

Answer 1

The situation is that his mom is pressuring you to work things out, but she has no idea what needs to be worked out.

Managing his parents is his job. At a minimum, he should tell her to back off and leave you alone. IMHO, he should come completely clean when he talks to her. If he won't do it, then you can do it for him.

Be prepared for her to blame you for his infidelity.

Answer 2

The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful spouse who would never think of cheating does not see or has elected to ignore for one reason or another. Other times, the marriage has changed and evolved in a way that leaves the cheating husband or cheating wife feeling left out or somehow empty. Those changes may include a shift in attitudes toward one another and the problems ensue. When a spouse feels that his or her needs are not being met, some turn to their work, others to drugs or alcohol and many to the arms of another man or woman. Although this appears to be the most common cause, there are others who engage in an affair or infidelity purely for the sex. They do not want their relationship to end, they simply seek the thrill that being with someone else brings. Either way, the pain, humiliation and betrayal are the same.
You must identify the underlying problem by discussing it with your husband and trying to save your marriage. If you think that informing your mother in law will help you to heal go ahead, if you think that it will humiliate her and hurt he, like your husband did hurt you do not do it otherwise you lower yourself to his level and you are a lot better then he is.

Answer 3

You are right telling her is just a form of revenge for you that I think will only give you a moment of satisfaction. Dealing with this situation will be hard enough, getting someone else involved other than a trained professional will be a mistake.

When his Mother makes these comments about you being so lucky to have him etc pleasantly reply yes we are lucky to have EACH other.

I truly hope you and your partner can overcome your problems and come out the other end with a healthy relationship.

All the best Cat :)

Answer 4

Hmm that's a toughie. My first response is to say yes, tell everyone, so everyone knows what he did. But then if you are trying to work through it and figure out what happened and where you guys started to drift apart, doing so would probably hinder any of these efforts. Ask yourself why you want to do this? To get back at his mom? If you really have decided for your own reasons/understanding of the situation that you want to make it work, then it would probably be better to try and find your own way of putting a healthy wall up between you and his mom that doesn't involve hurting your relationship with him. But if you just want revenge on him, and aren't going to salvage your marriage, then go for it.

Everyone's situations are different and while the act of cheating is pretty much black and white, every relationship is different and only you know what yours is all about.

Answer 5

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Answer 6

I think you should tell her. I don't think it will do any good or help you in any way. If she loathes about him that much, it doesn't matter what you tell her, she will still be on his side in the end. Hopefully, you two will be able to work it out and trust again. From my bad experience, his mother knew every bad thing he did to me over & over. I'd wait at home & take him back like nothing happened. She didn't agree with what he was doing and told me I was better off without him (probably cause I wasn't her pick). In the end, she'd heard it all and it got so bad I had to get a restraining order. He got arrested, but she was right there with him in court like he'd never done a thing wrong. I think she knows down deep what he is capable of, but will always stick on his side. So yes, I think you should tell her so she knows, but don't expect anything out of it in your favor. It is just the satisfaction of knowing that they know. If he is sorry enough, he will admit it to her too.

Answer 7

No, you should not tell her. The only people that should know this are you, him, the other woman, a marriage counselor and maybe your lawyers and a judge. Don't try to punish him by telling his mother. It will end the marriage. Even if you want it to end, don't do this. The fact that you hate his mother is a separate issue. You lower yourself to his level by doing this. The look you will get from her will haunt you. You won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror after. You are thinking of intentionally hurting someone to cause pain to a third party. Say it out loud while looking in a mirror. If you want out the get out. If you want in don't try to get even. Next, you'll be doing his best friend in your house hoping it gets back to your husband. Tell his mother that she is not perfect, you are not perfect and that her son sure as Hell ain't not perfect. If she ask for details, tell her that details ended when he got married. She needs to respect your boundaries.
Now, if you want to embarrass him at work by printing up a banner stating, "I am divorcing (husband's name here) because he is a liar and a cheating (colorful adjective)." Have someone in the office, preferably a female, hang that sign up at the office. Note: This WILL lead to a divorce and you may get SUED even if you have evidence that he cheated. And, you better have evidence he cheated.

Answer 8

Showing the mother that you can handle this situation BY YOURSELF would show her you are MATURE enough, that you have YOUR OWN CONVICTIONS and YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

Letting her get to you about her son would be like a bratty teenage girl hiding under the skirt of her mama. Who is stronger, her or you? How do you think she will react?

Part of being mature in any relationship especially marital problems is never exposing your dirty laundry. What goes on in the room, stays in the room.

If you cannot handle your marriage, and your husband, what does that tell you? I believe you are smarter than that.

Think well and goodluck!

Answer 9

I would just bust it out one day. She deserves to hear what kind of person her son really is. And if your sick of hearing about it, just tell her that he cheated. She may be more sympathetic to you if she knows how the situation really is. If she's making you the bad guy, tell her the truth so she can see the reality of the situation. And you husband might be mad at you once you tell her so be ready for that. You could give him a chance to tell her, but he will make it to where its not his fault in her eyes so you might be better off telling her yourself. Just do it.

Answer 10

If it would cause more damage to an already bad sitituation then no dont say anything. And she could very well try to blame you for it. Then it would really get nasty. Just try to ignore her and if for some reason you dont get this problem resolved with your husband --you can always tell her later--when you are not upset or emotional. Everything that goes around comes around.