We have been married three months. My husband wants a divorce and that is final. He won't go to couseling he won't even talk to me to work on it. A friend from my old job called to say that he was sorry he didn't make it to the wedding and my husband got really upset that I talked to him. Now he is accusing me of cheating. I don't go out with friends and he doesn't take me with him when he goes hunting. Which is every night. I don't know how to get through to him. I don't want a divorce. I love him so much. What should I do?
2006-11-13 05:18:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He drinks everyday. When I asked him to please not drink everyday, he turns the situtaion around on me and tries to find fault in what I am doing. He says that he has given up too much to be with me and won't give up anymore. I moved away from all my friends, quit my job, stopped talking to all of my friends that were guys and couldn't hang out with my girl friends that are single anymore. He doesn't want me to go with anyone unless he is with me, but if I ask him to go he won't. To me he hasn't changed anything. We live next door to his parents, hang out with all of his friends, and all of our money is spent on his hunting or drinking habits.
2006-11-13 08:08:21 · update #1
If he is determined that he wants out, let him go....maybe time will change him. He sounds like a neurotic, controlling head case - you will probably be better without him - sorry.
2006-11-13 05:22:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if your saying the truth the way your explaining it then that's not even cheating, but put it this way maybe when you two were only dating he wasn't as jealous. A lot of men change once they get married for no smart reason and always think your cheating on him for every wrong reason. If your saying that after conversation with a friend he's accusing you of cheating well maybe he either heard from some one elso your cheating or he's the one who's cheating on you. You say he's going "hunting" everyday and he doesn't take you with him well that could be a reason he's seen someone else. Why don't you get one of your good trusting friends to spy on him for you or get a private spy on him. That always works. Most people would say that you should trust him, but if he doesn't trust you, you don't have to tell him. If there is a good friend that you can trust and is willing to help you out then do it. It will save you from a lot. If he's cheating on you he's not worth it and you will have no guilt. Try talking to him when you see he's in a good mood and ask him if you can go with him or if he will stay home more often. Chances are if he's cheating the other girl might not even know he's married. Try checking the phone bills or checking his cloths when he's not around. Any way you do wash his clothes right? And he does work right? Well good luck and let me know how it goes. My email is shy_gal2@yahoo.com
2006-11-13 05:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is obvious he is being selfish and allowing his jealousies to control his thoughts, you probably are not going to change his thinking at this time, but on the other hand you don't need to subject yourself to the controlling behavior either, if he won't agree to counseling than you be the bigger person anyway and try a few sessions yourself for your own piece of mind then you will know you have done and tried everything right, however it takes two for any relationship to work, maybe after a few sessions and practicing what the counselor suggest he will see your honesty and sincerity, then again maybe not and if this is the case you may want to consider a temporary separation, I hate to see things resort to this level due to the short period you have been married, and for the fact that you do love him, I have to ask though, does he love you as much you do him? marriage is a contract between two people that takes 100% from both sides, not 50 - 50 or 75 - 25 or any other combination.I am an outdoors man myself but my morals tell me not to put my hobbies before my relationship, I would much rather make sure my family is happy and have a more peace full feeling about hunting once I new business was taken care of at home first. Good Luck And God Bless
2006-11-13 05:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU go to counselling. Don't give him anything to push against. If you really don't want to divorce this basta..I mean if you really don't want a divorce, honey, no one can change your mind on that. His insecurities are EATING him UP and taking you down with him. Sorry about that, love. Concede. Just let him have what he wants. Fight with your confidence, your counsellor and hold your position IN YOUR HEART. But get away. Give it some space and time. He sounds like an as... I mean a guy I'd RUN from, but YOU married him, you took a vow, so... as he goes hunting every night, go planting and slowly build your independence. Don't fight the battle with him. Faith in Jesus is what you need. That and some perspective. Best wishes to you. One more thing: do you love YOURSELF more than you love him? If so, good. If not, changing THAT should be your number one priority.
2006-11-13 05:35:18 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime a spouse accuses the other of cheating when they are not its a huge red flag.
That accusation is typical of a person who in fact is guilty of cheating and trying to justify their actions by transferring guilt or blame to the other spouse.
You may love him, but him having made these accusations will likely come up every time there is a disagreement or argument
If he is adamant about the divorce then there is little you can do about it. His going out every night "hunting" is suspicious to. Three months into a marriage you should be inseparable.
2006-11-13 05:25:32 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband play game to control you. I'd get counselling and join a support group, to help decide if this marriage can be saved. On the other hand, he might decide to start respecting you when you decide to start respecting yourself and taking yourself seriously as a person. When controlling people don't get their way, they will end up frustrated. Some people don't have a high tolerance for frustration. Those people do not make good candidates for a strong relationship such as marriage. A controlling person will not change without your first making some decisions about the quality of your live, and without YOU making some changes.
2006-11-13 05:34:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lesson that i have learned the hard way is that love alone is not enough to hold a marriage together. you must also have trust and compromise, and from the sound of it, your husband has neither. if he's not willing to work with you to find a solution, then that's a big indication of what your whole marriage would be like if you didn't get divorced. do you really want a husband that refuses to listen to you or trust you? it's hard, but you'll be better off in the long run. good luck, hon.
2006-11-13 05:25:06 · answer #7 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give up just yet. It sounds like he really needs to grow up and accept some responsibility as a husband. Hunting every night??? What kind of hunting is he doing? I agree you should go to counseling without him. You need professional advice. But stay away from those who tell you to cut and run. It's too early in your marriage, and you have way too much to lose. God bless!
2006-11-13 05:25:16 · answer #8 · answered by susie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over him. Get a divorce or better yet - annulment (depending on the state, you might or might not be able to). In fact, you are the one who should be filing for divorce, not him.
Some things, like relationships, is not completely in your control. He said he wants out. Nothing you can do.
If you still don't want a divorce, try the book "Stop your divorce" it has a lot of good advice.
2006-11-13 17:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sorry to tell you this sweetie but looks like it is going to happen anyway but since he wants a divorce go get yourself the most exspensive divorce attorney there is in your town and then when it comes down to court time make sure that he has to pay your legal fees . Remember you want an attorney that is willing to play dirty and cut his throat so to speak in other words someone who is going to get you everything they can out of him. Then you will see how bad he wants a divorce,. I think maybe that will make him think twice. Oh and take my advice seperate from him . oh and that going hunting bit,are you sure he is hunting ? it could be that he is out with his friends hooking up with other women ,mention that to your lawyer as well two can play at that accusatory game . good luck and god bless and happy thanksgiving.
2006-11-13 05:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
agree to a divorce, start over. Better now then years down the line.
Maybe he's not really hunting every night (if you catch my drift), and this is just a good excuse to ask for a divorce.
2006-11-13 05:36:08 · answer #11 · answered by honeybaby729 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋