What do i do to stop a maniplative person from ruining my life?

Question

How do i uncover unmask how evil this person really is and what she cleverly does to make my life hell. Especially since this person has studied pschology and nos how to wind me up and makes others think how innoceint and dumb she is when shes really cunning.

Answer 1

You can't stop one, but you can remove yourself from the situation and let them show their real self by process of elimination.

Answer 2

Whether or not this person studied psychology has little to do with how capable he/she is in manipulating a person - in this case you. Seems to me that the problem is that you are still in a relationship with this person who clearly doesn't have any positive impact on your life. Don't use psychological knowledge as the excuse here, the real truth is that YOU have to find the strength withing YOURSELF to get away from this sort of relationship.

The hardest thing is what is going to happen when you make that step for yourself. He/she may try and manipulate you, make you think you are the wrong one...at the end of the day stay strong and have that self-realisation that what you are doing is for your own self benefit. and personally if anyone was to listen to this person, and they are your friend and in the end still isn't on your side then they aren't truly your friends.

Get away from the manipulation it's the only way out, not let yourself be susceptible to this sort of thing, and remember no matter how much she knows about the mind - your mind is alot more powerful than anything else.

Answer 3

I agree with what everyone has said, and have run across a couple of really scary manipulative types in my time. The absolute worst thing about them is that they cultivate a reputation and appearance of being blameless, great people and very professional etc etc etc.

But yeah, the harder you try to 'unmask' these types, the worse you will look. They *expect* you to try to do this and have everything set up to make you look even worse the moment you try to talk to someone about how evil they are. This is their biggest trap, and will drag you in deeper into their weird world, so don't fall into it! They will then turn around innocently and point at you and say 'look how evil/crazy/manipulative she/he is' and they will play the injured victim. And everyone will believe them, not you. It's really unbelievable, but inevitable.

The only thing they absolutely can't deal with is non-engagement. Therefore with this woman, do not respond emotionally, do not respond in writing, do not respond verbally, do not respond by talking about her to other people - especially your superiors, do not confide (under any circumstances) in your mutual friends -- cut, cut, cut, cut her out! If you must talk to her for work reasons, be neutral, unruffled, fact-based, always polite and undisturbed, no matter what she throws at you (and she will throw the worst things she can think of at you). If people ask you what you think of her, be bland and disinterested and don't say anything really. Disassociate emotionally from the situation and understand that this is her problem not yours. Put up the blinders and extricate yourself. If you have to, try changing, jobs, desks, departments. If you can't, keep your head down. You might find she loses her job or gets moved sooner than you think.

It may take her some time (months even), but eventually she will tire of you and find someone else to torment. I get the impression that these people gravitate to people whom they preceive to be vulnerable -- but also admirable. There is always some envy mixed in with the manipulation. They're so messed up that the only way they can seriously engage with you is by victimizing you and dragging you into their little hall of mirrors. If she were an emotionally normal person, she probably would have befriended you.

Finally, these people always show themselves to be what they truly are, no matter how long it takes. You don't have to say a word -- her actions will do all the talking for you.

Answer 4

Suggestions:
-I would make sure that you dont display in anyway that she is disturbing you, infact I would be extra friendly with her, that will take the power from her game(this depends on the situation though).
-Some people are just toxic, and you just have to keep your distance from them.
-Like others have mentioned, dont try to prove anything to others, if your relaxed and chilled-even friendly towards her-her true nature will be displayed to everyone in time. Just make sure that your bigger than her emotionally, the nastier she gets the more you feel sorry for her(others will notice your depth and maturity, and compassion). However having said this, if she really steps out of line, calmly state this to her in front of others-do this in a rational, controlled, compassionate way, and you will be seen as the better person.

Good luck. These type of personalities, can be extremely unpleasant.

Answer 5

You are giving too much power to this person, no one can ruin your life unless you lend your agreement to it.
I've found that best way to deal with that type...disconnect from them completely.
If they are in your space, just decide they are harmless as the only power they have is to use your power to upset you.
Buy and read a book by Ruth Minschell, How To Choose Your People. It's out of print...I found one on eBay for $60.00, not cheap, but worth it!

Answer 6

This person has a way of being wound up too. You just have to find the right time and place to start. Start taking an overview of everything they say and do. Everything means be observant. Be critical and direct about how YOU feel. Don't take every word they say so personal either. Once they see they have a hard time getting you to "react" they will be most vulnerable.

Answer 7

As you clearly do know what she is like, and you sound as if you do. Get away from her as much as you can, she is messing with your mind, and probably will never be any different. She is clearly jealous of you, she is the one with the problem. Distance your-
self it's the only way you can start to be your-self and gain confidence in life. A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing, read psychology your-self and you will see this person, there are a lot of people that show this kind of behaviour.( Use Internet.)

Answer 8

She sounds as toxic as a chemical waste dump. Distance yourself from her in as many ways possible - emotionally, physically. Try not to be in situations in which you have to interact with her. If this is a problem, and right now you have to be around her on a day-to-day basis, please consider seeing a therapist or taking a course on dealing with difficult people to get some coping tools.

Also try not to worry about unmasking her or what others think of your relationship. Although it would be nice if people got wise to her and her ploys, they may either be disinterested in what she's really like or may actually think less of you if you make an issue of it.

If she is doing things that are illegal, that's a different matter - you may wish to keep a record of them in case you wish to take legal action. For example, racist comments from a work supervisor would fall in that category.

Focus on yourself and your happiness. You may have to get a different job, a different set of friends, or get out of school to be away from this person forever, but one nice thing about time is that it brings change.

Be a success and be happy. Chances are if this person is as manipulative as you say she is, she won't ever be either. People who have to pull themselves up by pulling other people down generally aren't.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I agree with Justsyd ....removal of the self from 'the game.'

To this other person, it is a game (whether realised or not), and as long as you continue to play it (by staying within the realm of its boundaries), the likelihood is that it will continue.

When someone says, for eg; 'Your a liar,' and when you deny it, the reply is, 'You are retreating into denial,' the game is sticky and liable to be messy.

That kind of situation is painfully uncomfortable as it is a 'Lose - Lose' one and liable to become compounded at each turn.

You can only 'remove yourself' ~ do not try to retaliate.

Best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 10

One key to dealing with manipulators is that they know exactly what your buttons are, and how hard and how long they need to push them to get what they want. So be on guard that you are not being naive, or overconscientious, or overintellectual about issues because manipulators can and will use that against you.
Stay on guard and recognise manipulative tactics immediately and reframe things so that you get what you want or need. If you don't know what that is then be assertive. Don't try to make them change as these folks care about winning, work on yourself instead until you get the better of them.

Answer 11

There are so many people like that. They love to affect people by their ways and enjoy watching others being affected. So the best thing you should do is to ignore and let them carry on thinking that they have affected you, 'cos that is what they want. She might have done psychology but this type of people have a inferiority complex, which they are trying to overcome by trying to pass it to others. What she is doing infact is using what she has learnt to affect others negatively.The kye is to know that the problem is not with you but them. Human mind is such that you can easily get affected by different situations and people, so always stay focused. Good luck and let us know how you are getting on.