Last night he accused me of cheating because i just wanted to go to bed instead of having sex..well it turned into a huge fight. He said he was just joking and then said oh right your family never jokes so how would have you known. I have never cheated on him ..is it true though that the person who accuses is the one who really is? This is like i dunno the 100th time he has said something like this. I am just ready to give up on our marriage. It seems like nothing i do is right and he is always saying things that hurt. When i even suggest going our own ways he gets mad..says he wont go through another divorce he will just kill himself. I am just so confused. Any suggestions..btw I did meet with and attorney and I have the financal affidavt but I just cant find a way to finish it cuz i don't want to hurt him
2006-11-13 04:49:57 · 20 answers · asked by youngmomma2685 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His first marriage ended b/c he wanted to move back to his home city she didn't want to
As to being a better wife..i seriously don't know how..his supper is always ready, his lunch always packed, clothes picked up and washed and ironed..he basically gets whatever he wants physically even if I am tired just last night I was exhausted from everything...
As to the financal papers..I don't want anything from him except for him to take responsibilty for his son..he has nothing..we have nothing..all i have wanted was his love and respect,,I was just stating that is the last of the paper work
2006-11-13 08:36:00 · update #1
You don't want to hurt him but he keeps hurting you. Threatening to kill himself is a form of him mentally abusing you. His accusing you of cheating could mean he is cheating or it could be he is just very insecure. Regardless, a man who loves his wife respects the fact that she doesn't want to have sex all the time. For him to go off like that indicates some really big problems in your relationship. You need to really take time to think about your future and what you want. Can you really continue to live this way? Ultimately realize that your leaving him is your choice and if he does do something to hurt himself based upon that then that is his choice and not your fault or your responsibility.
2006-11-13 04:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sucks to hear this cause you 2 did find some reason to get married and you 2 where happy for the right reason what changed when you to got married. Stop going out with each other you to work to much what ever it is you need to try to go to a shrink or get some counselling . He really needs some cause he has some other problem with himself . About the sex you have your reason why you didn't want and you are okay. Try to make it right before you let it go. I myself made sure it was right thing to do cause you never want to look back and ask yourself what if I tried this but it is to late.
2006-11-13 13:07:50 · answer #2 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont want to hurt him??? I don't think that is a joking topic at all. And he is getting defensive there has to be a reason. Have you tried counseling or are you ready to just say "I have had enough". If you have met with an attorney then it sounds like you have already made your decision. When will you carry through with it.
2006-11-13 13:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by firefly06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it sounds like this childish behavior has been going on for quite some time. Nothing will change for the better on it's own. Why don't you tell him you've arrived at two solutions. One is that if he doesn't shut up about the affair bullshit, you're going to start having an affair. Two is, you're filing for divorce. Don't bend, give him just those 2 options.
2006-11-13 13:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't mean he's cheating, could be he's just feeling insecure about your relationship. Men often associate sex with love and you aren't very active sexual he may be feeling you don't love him. Obviously this is probably not the case but that's the way he feels.
Try and reassure him that you love him and that not wanting sex is truely do to you being tired or whatever it may be. Consistly tell him you love him, just out the blue even. Took me sometime to realize that their are definitely other ways of expressing love than just by sex.
2006-11-13 13:04:49 · answer #5 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is an idea....IF YOU WANT A DIVORCE, GET ONE!!!!! if you are so worried about his feelings, maybe you really dont want a divorce....maybe you should start looking at the type of wife you are, maybe that is the problem...maybe you are the reason your relationship sucks, maybe you should put a little more time and effort into your marraige and not worry about financial affadavits and how much you will get if/when you leave.....
2006-11-13 14:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened to his first marriage? If he got cheated on before, he may just be really insecure, and it doesn't have anything to do with you. Seek counseling. Or talk about his trust issues and if you truly love this man you married, you will help him with that. Noone is perfect.
2006-11-13 13:16:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds pretty controlling to me. If you stop reacting to his accusations, eventually he'll give up on accusing you of cheating and find a new way to get a rise out of you.
Some people just can't function without drama.
2006-11-13 12:56:19 · answer #8 · answered by Shane 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the one who accuses is cheating, but NOT ALWAYS! I fear that my man could cheat on me b/c I know he cheated on his ex. So yeah, that lingers in my head all the time....not fun. But it sounds like your hubby is very insecure. Why would you want to stick around if he accuses you all the time? Accusing you will only make you want to do it.
2006-11-13 12:53:24 · answer #9 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see this sort of behavior a lot from insecure people. I sum it up as "Do they really love me? I'd better be a huge jerk and see if they'll love me anyway."
Then they ratchet it up a notch, being more and more of a jerk. If you leave, he'll probably blurt out "I knew you'd leave me sooner or later."
Marriage counseling, or go find a less neurotic man to be with is my advice.
2006-11-13 13:31:04 · answer #10 · answered by Brian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋