Hi there, I'm young-ish (27) and newly married. One of my friends and one of my hubby's friends are having Christmas parties on the same night. What do we do? My friend's party is a place where I will feel more comfortable and have more fun, and the food and drink will be great. My hubby gets along with my friends but hasn't had too many opportunities to get together with his friends. His friend's party will be fun for him but I will probably be wishing I spent more time with my friends. That said I want us to be together. He seems like he'd be content with him going to his party and me going to mine. I haven't been able to get "in" with his crowd as much as he has mine for two reasons - he doesn't get together with them much and also sometimes doesn't invite me. So, yes, part of me doesn't want him having fun without me there. What do I do?
2006-11-13 04:44:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also hubby has said he would prefer not to come to my friend's party. And when I mentioned me going to mine and him going to his, he was happy about that. Should I be worried? Honestly he gives me no reason to doubt him and has not had a chance to be with his friends in a long time. I think he deserves a night with them (they are all mostly single) without having to babysit me. It is not a couples event on either end, they are both young people parties. Any more insight? Those who've already answered, you rock!
2006-11-13 04:56:44 · update #1
I would go to my party, and let him go to his. But I personally have "separatist" tendencies when it comes to this kind of stuff, I don't mind doing things on my own if they seem like fun - I figure, my husband and I already spend a lot of time together. Most people think it's not cool to spend the holiday separately.
2006-11-13 05:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A few questions here, how were the parties booked? Did he book one and you booked the other? Did you book both parties? Which party was booked first? With answers to those questions I can answer on the proper etiquette for that side of the dilemma, but what you should really look at is the relational side between your new husband and you. If I were a husband, my first responsibility would be for my wife. I would want to make her feel comfortable and accepted where ever she is, so if I took her to a party with my friends, I would not leave her unprotected. I would make sure that she is secure and not feeling left out. If I felt my friends were not accepting her into the group and making not her feel welcome, I would have no problem excusing ourselves and leaving the party. The husband needs to be aware of his wife's emotional state and the wife has to be free to not accept anything less, so do not accept being disregarded. Let me know the answers to my first questions and I will be glad to assist you more.
After I wrote my answer you had added a comment. I think you have some deeper issues here than just going to a party. If he thinks he has to babysit you, then he does not think you are his equal, therefor you are less than him. That is no way for a man to think, and that is not something a woman should accept. You are every bit his equal and you again should not accept anything less. If you do not change that now, it will have terminal affects on your life later. If you are lesser than he is, then he is more important than you are, and if he is more important, his needs will get taken care of while you will suffer. I don't think when you got married they said father and wife, it is called husband and wife. Also, his being alright going to the parties seperately, especially during the holidays and with you being newly married is disgusting. He should be devistated at the thought of being away from you. Please save yourself from a lot of hurt and frustration and stand up for yourself so that he can learn to stand up for you also.
2006-11-13 05:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what YOU want to do. It sounds like whatever happens (apart from going to your friends together) hubby will be happy. Go your separate ways or go to both together. Or one of you have the good grace to make the other happy and grin and bear it.
Whatever - Christmas parties should not be a cause of angst, surely???
2006-11-13 05:08:37 · answer #3 · answered by steven b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is the sense of joint commitment? It seems that you are both more happy apart than you are together. You should be able to spend a little time at each location and the hosts should be understanding. Marriage is a covenant that is meaningless if you are not both ready to make some sacrifices.
2006-11-13 04:53:07 · answer #4 · answered by Senor Pig 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what my wife and I would do. We would go to his friends party first and let them know you have another place to go. Try to stay there at least 2 hours. Then go to your friends party for the rest of the night. Tell your friends you will be getting there late.
Good luck and Merry Xmas.
2006-11-13 04:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make time to go to both parties. And tell the people at both parties that you are attending both.
2006-11-13 04:48:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How can I compete with what Kip said? I would encourage you to read Kip's response again. I'm not going to try to reword something that had everything I wanted to say and then some.
2006-11-13 06:14:07 · answer #7 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to your party and he should go to his.
Have Fun!
2006-11-13 04:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by tearzofaprincess 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋