Im married and have asked my hubby to not talk to his ex g/f. He says this is wrong and too controlling?

Question

What do yall think? I mean they were never friends before their relationship and dated for three years. We are married have a daughter and live states away. Should he be allowed to talk to her on a regular basis. Am I being controlling? He says he resents me for asking him not to talk to her and that hurt.

Answer 1

I'm sorry but I have to play devil's advocate here. He chose to marry you, to have a kid with you.
He need someone to talk about things he can't or wouldn't with you, that's what friends are for. To have friends (male/female) outside a relationship is crucial and needed by everyone.
Okay it's his ex but I think that friendship is possible between gendres of the opposite sex. And sometimes especially when it is a ex. Because they know each other well and the sexual attraction is gone. Now of course I don't know the details but here is just my opinion. of course you're not completely okay with this but
a. you have to trust your husband. Trust is one of the foundations of marriage.
b. Asking him to not see her again is not good! But like other people here said, tell him (but he knows already) it makes you uncomfortable.
C. Invite her to dinner or something, I know it's not easy but maybe if you meet her together with you husband it will make it easier to accept her as a friend.
You know, friends are invited by couples, so treat her like one. Not as a danger and maybe everything is going to be A-ok

Answer 2

No, your not being controlling! If he respected you then he would stop talking to her because it bothers you. You are married and there is really no reason to keep in touch with his ex especially if they weren't even friends before. Ask him to think about how he would feel if you were talking to an ex-boyfriend..? Probably wouldn't make him too comftorable. I don't understand why he would say that he resents you for asking him not to talk to her...his anger and comments could mean that maybe he really is hiding something else....Just a thought!

Answer 3

I agree with you. There is reason why they broke up and they decided to break up so there should be no reason why they should still be communicating especially since your husband is married to you now. I don't believe in what some people say as far as still being friends after breaking up. You either end the relationship completely or not. They decided to end it so there should be no more contact between the 2 of them. He needs to move on from the past and live in the present..which is with you and that is where is attention should be.

Answer 4

What's the "regular basis"? If it's no more often than talking to any acquaintance, I don't see anything wrong with it; it probably *would* be controlling of you to get pissed off for the two-three times a year they do talk.

However, if his idea of a "regular basis" is several times a week, damn right it's too often.

Kinda depends, I guess.

Answer 5

That would depend. How secure is your marriage? He did have another life before he met you. What do they talk about?

For sure you are showing that you are insecure. Maybe you and he should sit down, and discuss this, without it all blowing up into accusations of "You must not love me because you are talking to her, yadayadayada...." If you want to know a way that you can direct this conversation, write me. Otherwise, I'll just figure you have some skill at negotiating things.

Answer 6

I'm not to sure why he feels he needs to speak to this woman on a regular basis. If he wanted to talk to her maybe once a year or something to just catch up on what each others families are doing etc...then maybe. What you have to understand is that you were not in there relationship. What ever ties they had or have are not known to you. I would talk to your husband and make sure he is only talking to her as a friend and not a lover. And if you have enough trust in him and your marriage then let it go...Is it really worth it if its innocent?

Answer 7

He's trying to turn it around and make you second guess yourself so youll feel like a nagging idiot but your in the right. This is his ex who he had a relationship,memories with. Your not wrong and this is about him being considerate to your feelings. If something like him talking to an old flame makes you nervouse,than that ought to be enough. Defiently more important than him being allowed to. You need to make a choice here.

Answer 8

He really shouldn't be talking to her, it's disrespectful towards you. Now if he's getting one email from her every 6 months just to say hello and see how things are going, that's OK - not a problem. But if they're exchanging 10 emails every week...that's a problem. Even if it's just platonic, that's a lot for a couple who is no longer together. It sounds like he hasn't fully let go of her yet.

Answer 9

I think what you husband is doing is horrible and immature. If this is someone that bothers you he should respect the realationship he has with you. I am not of the belief that men and women can be friends (especially if they have dated). There is always someone that likes someone. He is getting something from this relationship that he is not gettign with you. If he was mature he would focus on his family and not this other woman. It would bother me as well. I don't think what he is doing is appropriate at all. I am in agreence with you.

Answer 10

Well i dont know this is a tricky one. U shouldnt HAVE to ask, he should've came up with that decision himself, and you asking does make you seem controlling. U cant stop it, thats a fact. If u tell him not to, it will only make him want to more, so just let him be and trust him. *crosses fingers* good luck!