Divorce with a child?

Question

Okay, so this is an awefull subject to be bringing to a discussion board, but i need objective opinions and advise, so here it goes--i have been married for 5 years and we have a duaghter, we were married very young, 18 and 19, at the time we were both very immature and sometimes i think we only got married becuase i was pregnant, we have a alright marriage to the naked eye, we don't cheat, he doesn't beat me, we love our duaghter very much, and he is about the best dad ever and a great provider, these are the pros, here go the con's, i am not sure i love him like I should, he is still really immature, he thinks he has to drink everyday off he has and when he does he is very verbally abusive to me, and he has a horrible temper where he tends to break things in the house and throw things, so here is the question: do I wait it out and see if he grows up, or call it quits?

I know you shouldn't stay married just for the kids, but I feel selfish wanting to leave him becuase my duaghter loves him so much, I do not want to make her unhappy, but I am tired of being so unhappy.

Answer 1

I'm sorry that you are going through this. You were both very young when you got married and had to learn to deal with the responsibilities of a family.

Your husband is immature and he hasn't learned how to deal with the pressures he is under. He needs some outside help, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. He sounds like a good person who just needs a little help. You need to talk to him, (even if you need to bring in family for support), to make him understand that you both need counselling.

Your husband shouldn't be drinking so much, especially if he has a terrible temper. If he's "breaking and throwing things" in the house, he needs to learn how to deal with his anger issues. If he doesn't get some help, his "verbal" abuse may escillate into "physical" abuse.

Neither you nor anyone else should live with someone who is "abusive", especially when a child is involved. If your husband loves you and your daughter, he will agree to get the help he needs "before" he destroys your relationship and her family.

You both owe it to your daughter to ensure that you do everything possible to make your marriage work. It sounds like you are both good people who want the best for your daughter. Give him a chance and "work" together to see if you can make things better.

Once you have tried "everything" possible to make your marriage work, you can re-evalute your situation. I wouldn't give up without a fight. If you both "work" together to make it work, you may surprise yourself. Your feelings may be very different once his behavior changes.

If he is unwilling to "work" with you or to try to "improve" his behavior, I'd say the choice is clear and you need to "protect" yourself and your daughter. It's not fair to her or yourself to remain in an abusive relationship. You would only be sending the "wrong message" to your daughter.

I hope this helps a little, you are in my prayers. Good luck to you all.

Answer 2

It takes 2 committed people to make a marriage work. I advise that you both to counseling together but I think he also needs some type of AA counseling. Getting drunk to the point of becoming verbally abusive and throwing things around the house is NOT normal and you should NOT put yourself and your daughter in harms way. That behavior can worsen and you don't want to end up on the floor with a bloody nose or broken mouth. Trust me, that's how it all starts. There is no excuse for getting that drunk. I would get help ASAP and if he cant' control his drinking, then it's time for you to make a decision. It's better that your daughter sees dad at his best than to continue to see this type of abuse. You don't want to send the wrong message to your daughter either. It's NOT ok to be with a person who drinks and looses control that way.

Get help fast honey. I'm sure that if he's willing to get help, things will get better and you will love him once again. I'm sure you still love him, but I'm also sure you're very disappointed and discouraged with his behavior. Don't wait it out, it can only get worse if you wait it out. Seek help ASAP. Good luck!

Answer 3

Try going to a marriage counselor, with your husband. If you feel it's possible that you two can work it out. If you don't think that there is any chance, then a divorce might be the best answer. You might even talk to the counselor about these issues and the effect that they'd have on you daughter.

Answer 4

Yer husband is an *** and needs to grow up! That, however, is not a reason fer divorce. As long as he is yer first (and only) husband & sex partner ya'll ain't got no reason fer divorce the bible says. Councelin would b a step in the right direction b4 he hurts ya or ya'lls youngins.

Answer 5

He needs help, and my advise to you is for the two of you go to a marriage counselor. and if he does not want to go, then you need to start to make your exit. No one needs to be an abusive relationship, it does not get better, it gets worst! You need to start to think of you, and your daughter, because this in not good for her, you may have to get out while you can!

Answer 6

You should leave; abuse starts somewhere, and you are already in the beginning stages. It won't be safe to keep your daughter in a situation like that.

Answer 7

He will grow up!My aunt and uncle had the same problems when they were younger and now they have a great marriage!Dont give up on him.Tell him the verbal abuse when he is drunk must stop or you will file for divorce (just a threat) and see what happens.

Answer 8

Only you can answer that one. You have to confront him about his abuse. Verbal abuse is still abuse and it will eventually run you down.

Answer 9

What are you waiting for ??? for him to beat you and your child??? get out he sounds like bad news anyways...Stop waiting for him ...move on don't wait for the worse