I have been seperated form my husbend for 8yrs and I cant seem to move on.. I cant get a divorice cause I cant seem to bring my self to do it...Being Cathloic and all I belive its wrong....But he has lived with other women and still is....I also think I am still in love with him...He cheated on me and I was angy I threw him out... I have tryed to date but I also seem to look for his type and then when I do date I get disgusted.... I just dont feel right....What am I to do? I am seeing this guy but its just not right... I just dont feel right about him... My Husbend is always coming to my house when he needs to see the kids.. Its hurts to see him...I have told him this and says He dosent know where else to take the kids.....What do I do to help myself get thru this...... My feel myself getting short with my kids and they say I need angry mangerment... I think I really needs help?
2006-11-13 04:06:44 · 17 answers · asked by ceemagiclydia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to move on, honey.... eight years is long enough to be wallowing in self-pity, trying to make a relationship work that is dead, dead, dead..... unless of course you like it. (And, sadly, some people just love misery.......)
Since you asked, in your place,
1. I'd get into counseling for a few sessions and get my head adjusted, so that I could get out there and find someone else, and be a good wife to a new guy. God doesn't care if you are married or divorced, hon, god would like to see you HAPPY---(the catholic church's ideas about divorce are changing -- you should too) --- indeed, that is the purpose of life..to be happy. Get some help, hon. You can never get back those years you have wasted, but you can change your future behavior with some help.... . Life is way tooooooo short to be miserable. AND FOR SURE, AT THE END OF YOUR LIFE, YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK AND SEE THAT FOR 40 YEARS, YOU PINED AWAY FOR NOTHING...You have already given eight -- too long, sweetie.....
2. Don't be at the house when your husband is there..... cut off all communication -- unless you like the pain....... and only you know if you like it...
That you have written this question lets you know that you know things could be better. You aren't handling it well by yourself -- even your kids can see that. Part with some buckos on counseling for yourself -- it will be the best $$$ you ever spent. Take a note pad, and take notes!!!. Good luck, hon.... no one should should be miserable, no one, and for sure, not for very long.....and for double sure, not for 8 years!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-13 04:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to fix things with yourself. Your husband has moved on. You need to too. I am a Christian too and I completely understand your feelings about divorce!
But using your religion to keep from cutting ties with your ex-husband is manipulative. It's holding you back from moving on with your life. Get some Christian counselling about how to move on.
Where does your ex-husband live? He needs to respect your feelings and quit visiting the children at your house. That's manipulative on his part. He can find other places to take them, like his place, or the park, or the library, or museums, or children's centres.
Also, I wonder how your kids feel about the way you are when your ex-husband is around. Probably not too good, but they can't do anything about it!
You need to come to terms with a lot of things, and start ackcnowledging that you do have some control over your life. Start taking that control! Start communicating with your childrens' father about how to peacefully proceed about parenting your children. You're going to have to do it eventually, so the sooner it happens, the better.
When you have difficulties, don't let them stop you. Giving up is not an option. You are a parent. That's your first job now.
When you figure out how to do that reasonably in a situation that is not your ideal, THEN you can think about dating. Just because your husband has dated doesn't mean you should. But because he has, you need to finalize things and move on with your life. Christian counselling should be able to help you see that. He's through, so you need to cut the tie.
Unless of course your pride is what's getting in the way of reconciliation with your husband. If you've already apologized for throwing him out and asked him to come home, then that's that, you have tried for reconciliation.
But if you haven't, then swallow your pride and apologize to him, ask if there's any way the two of you can try to make things work. If not, follow the other things I've said. If he accepts your apology, then you both need counselling, he for his cheating, you for your controlling.
2006-11-13 04:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sort through your priorities and get them straight. Would you prefer to take back a cheater or live your life free of this man? You've found out there are other fish in the sea and you don't have to settle for a cheater. Without your husband making an effort, that should tell you something about the man.
2006-11-13 04:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can appreciate your honesty and understand your decisions due to your religious understandings, but may I offer this , talk to your priest , because you seem a little confused concerning the respect of marriage , It has nothing to do with what denomination you are, the bible and god directs to do all we can to salvage the marriage, but in a case of adultery you are allowed to divorce, and after 8 yrs. you deserve some closure, I believe if you proceed with a divorce and turn this over to god , you will not only gain some closure you will find some peace and tranquility through all this and you will also have some boundaries established for your ex husband to follow, thus creating a life that you have more say so in instead of him walking over you and doing what ever he pleases, please look after yourself, you are a child of god's and he wants you to be happy and live a life you can be proud of, he doesn't want us to be martyrs and sulk over everything we encounter.God Bless
2006-11-13 06:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need a professional to help you gain your self respect back. This has nothing to do with your husband. It has everything to do with YOU! Your family will fall into place, when you have taken the step towards healing your heart & standing up for yourself.
I am Catholic. I am divorced. I chose to seek counseling with a male counselor (to get a HIS persepctive) and NOT a priest, as he has never been married so therefore, cannot truly relate. I am so glad that I did! 2 yrs later, and his words still ring in my head every day...
2006-11-13 04:13:43 · answer #5 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious counseling to deal with things. You are not taking care of yourself.
Even the Catholic church allows divorce for adultery. Divorce is not God's choice, but Jesus said it was allowed because of the hardness of our hearts. He was talking about the hardness of heart people have toward their spouse that causes adultery and other abuses. God has grace for this too. He will not condemn you for a formal divorce when your marriage is no longer in existence as it is.
Once your huband had sex with other women, the spiritual oneness that is created with the sexual unity was broken. It has been years. There is no way he is thinking of coming back to you. It's time for you to move on with your life, allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.... and to heal.
God hates divorce. But He also knows the heart of man and has made allowance for you because of his adulteries. God loves you and wants you to be at peace; emotionally/mentally/spiritually healthy and living your life.
God Bless,
Sue
2006-11-13 04:13:34 · answer #6 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In 5 years i'd be 36 and that i'd want to ascertain myself yet another rung or 2 up the ladder in my interest and living in my personal position as hostile to renting a room that is what i'm doing in the present day. It sucks.
2016-11-23 19:36:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a doctor, get some therapy
Sounds like you need to come to terms with the anger you have inside, so that you can move on.
Making up with your husband would make some of the anger go away, but it would only be temporary and could make things worse.
2006-11-13 04:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
God forgives you for anything except blasphemy or suicide, so close this chapter of your life and open a new one! It pleasures your "ex" to see you miserable. Find an outlet(keeping a journal or a social club, maybe enroll in a new class or something that deters you from thing about him) and in time it gets better, but let that madness go!
2006-11-13 04:15:48 · answer #9 · answered by Pretty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need help. You need closure... file for divorce.. end that chapter of your life. Your husband has moved on, he is happy living his own life and you are still stuck in your past feeling guilty every time you get some happiness.
He moved on.. you should too.. file for that divorce and concentrate on your kids and your happiness..
Best of luck
2006-11-13 04:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋