Married women, why would you tell your troubles?

Question

to a "Friend" instead of discussing with you husband? Our relationship was going good until I discoverd that she has 3 male "friends" that she talks to on the way to work, at work and on the way home (she works with 2 of them and the other is at anothe loc, same company). She even stays after work 3-4 hours "just talking with friends". When we finall had it out and I told her I don't care anymore do what you want, she is home at regular time, and then she has the nerve to ask me if I have found someone else!!!!! I asked her when would I have the time since I am the one taking all three kids to practise 2 twice a week and each a game once a week, cleaning house, bathing them, cooking, and making sure they get their homework done. W.T.F. Am I crazy? What would be going on in your mind if your were the one doing this to your husband? Oh by the way she also told me that I don't listen to her cause I asked her to stop talking about her works for 3 hours a night.

If this was the first time this has happened I would say yes lets talk and yeah lets get counseling. We have been there and done that. She has been at this job 5 years and this is bout the 5th time we have been down this road. man the ruts are getting deep. Her 3 hours of work talk is before she even ask the kids what kind of day they have had. I mean geezzzs At least ask the kids first how they are doing and if they had any problem that day, cause one of them is a teenager and you know the world revolves around them (LOL).

Answer 1

Well, I think there are lots of reasons I would talk with my friends at work rather than my hubby. I've been married for almost 13 years and sometimes we need someone else to talk to, someone outside the relationship that can take an objective look at things. That being said, I wouldn't hang out with the "guys" for hours at a time after work out of respect for my husband, I wouldn't like it if he hung out with the "ladies" and didn't come home. However, it does boil down to trust.

If I felt I couldn't talk with my hubby I would want someone to listen to me and validate my feelings. You said yourself she quit talking to you because she feels you don't want to hear about her day, maybe she feels like you don't care or hear her.

You said your relationship was good before she started hanging out and talking with the guys, but are you sure she thought everything was fine? Unless you talk about your feelings with one another you have no idea if you are on the same page or not.

I'm not a counselor or anything like that, but it sounds like there may be a lot more going on in your relationship than her just discussing stuff with co-workers. It sounds like you have some pent up resentment or frustration over the fact that you have so much on your plate with the kids, errands, house, etc. I think you two should set down and have a long heart-to-heart, lay everything out on the table so you can move past this.

Good luck!

Answer 2

From my experiences, the one that is doing the accusing is doing the cheating. I have been with my husband for about 4 years now, plus we were friends and dated for 2 years before. To me there is no other man I would want to share my feelings with. Coming from a woman, I am telling you that when a woman talks to a man outside of her relationship and doesn't even let her spouse know that she has these male "companions" she is doing something she knows or feels is worth hiding and that will get her in trouble. To bad she is taking advantage of what sounds like to me a good man for just some male "attention." You sound like a really great dad, by the way!!! I could never get my husband to help out with the kids that much. You aren't crazy at all and you are right by asking her to stop talking about work. Work is work and home is home. You leave your work at the office. I think one thing is important and that is letting her know how her being unfaithful(if that ends up being the case) is going to affect your children. It would be better for her to just leave you than for her to go outside of your marriage. Not only would that break your trust in her, but also the children's to an extent. Plus, if you end up getting a divorce the kids will have to go through that right along with y'all and the kids would most probably put the blame on her in future issues.

Answer 3

I'm safely assuming that by your use of "quotations", that your not to sure if these guys she's talking to are really just "friends" or if they may be more then just "friends". And are these friends she's talking to married? Or are they single? I mean, sometimes for those of us that have been married for awhile, it's refreshing to get an unbiased opinion from the opposite sex concerning issues that arise in marriage. And when you add kids to the mix, it's another whole new ball game. I am not defending her actions nor am I condoning them, I'm just trying to shed some light on as to why she may be doing this. Do you work outside the home as well? Or are you a stay home dad? Cause if your working outside the home AND doing all the house work, cooking, cleaning, running to practice, etc. then you really have your hands full! And if that is the case, you have every right to be upset that she is spending all this extra time after work to discuss issues or concerns that she may be having. Also, if she is really actually needing to talk for 3 hours a night, give ir take, concerning her job then maybe it's high time that she either quit her job or find another one because it is obviously taking it's tole on her and your relationship. I use to work at a packing plant and I HATED IT. I came home from work and had to talk about it to my husband that didn't know what the crap I was talking about, but he still listened, or at least pretended to. When I realized that he really didn't care what was going on at my work, I stopped talking to him and did the same thing that your wife was doing. It's like that saying, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas....' You talk to the people that you work with because they are experiencing the same thing as you and they can relate to what your going through. Well, finally he and I had enough and I quit. It definately made things better for awhile, because I didn't have that extra added stress in my life. And no, your not crazy. Marriage is work. And if that communication is not there, and all empathy is lost, the marriage will disolve right before your eyes. At least your concerned enough to ask about it, that shows you care in itself.

Answer 4

OK this is definitely a bigger problem then what it seems. Question is why is she going else where with her problems? What makes her venture outward for answers verses discussing them with you?? And as for you did you tell her to stop discussing work when she is finally at home with you?? And why is she not helping at all with the kids?? This all sounds to me like there is a huge communication problem between the two of you for some reason she has no desire to talk to you and you are completely closed off to what she has to say because she doesn't help with kids & housework and you resent her dearly for that (which I don't blame you). You both need to focus back on the two of you, why your husband and wife, try and find your way back to why your together, hopefully to find out your both still on the same page (or not). Get to the heart of the problem find out why she has such an aversion to "home" you, the kids, this is not normal for a mom/wife. Do this asap once one strays it is hard and even impossible to bring them back. Best Wishes

Answer 5

Could be because they stroke her ego. She likes the attention. The fact that she decided to get home on time when you told her you don't care anymore, tells me she doesn't like the idea that YOU might be talking to your "female" friends about her. By telling her that you don't want to listen to anything about her work, it's confirming her thoughts about you 'finding someone else.' You're a family now, kids in the picture. Life has probably gotten routine for both of you, she goes to work, you take care of everything else. Leave the kids with the grandparents and give yourselves a weekend once or twice a month to rekindle some romance in your relationship.

Answer 6

This is a case of miscommunication. Obviously, she loves you or she won't come home early anymore after you shut her off. Talk this out with her, She may be needing attention too, just like you. A little time together (to talk) after the kids are in bed would help a lot. Do this every night, even for just an hour , sit in a cozy corner of the house and talk. You'll see, it can do a lot to your relationship.

Answer 7

I can't say as I blame you - this is not a fair marriage, both have to work at it. When I first read your question, I have to admit, I was like whats the problem. I discuss things more with my friends b/c my husband and I have no communication. I've tried! In your situation tho, she is at fault (not saying I don't have faults!). I would suggest marriage counseling - if you both want to stay married. If not, there will be a long, tough road ahead. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.

Answer 8

i think shes not ready for the commitment and her talking to other guys makes her feel desired and wanted she justwants attention. male attention. This is the things about relationships when u have kids its hard to have that passion for each other again so i say u tryto talk to her in a more calm way take the kids to someone's elses house so that they can spend the nigh there and then you have some alonetime with her. if she keeps on doing this after all u did for her then ushould go to therapy marraige therapy if it still continues.. divorce u can take away her kids she doesnt care why would u ? yu are a gooddad

Answer 9

Sounds like your with the wrong woman. I have friends too but they are females and yes I talk to them. Sometimes it's good to get other views on SOME things but there are also many things that I wouldn't discuss with them - only my husband. If I was in your shoes I'm pretty sure I would be thinking about a divorce. I wouldn't want my husband having female friends and he wouldn't want me having male friends.
Good Luck!!

Answer 10

Sounds like these men were giving her attention. So, if you love your wife you need to start paying more attention to her. And she needs to stop discussing your personal business with these male co-workers. sometimes in relationships we become complacent with our spouses, this is not a good thing, to be sharing our personal business with others. They will see the break downs and take advantage of such. This is how affairs gets started. Good luck and God bless*