I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have to say that I am starting to get quite bored with the relationship. He isn't a loving person, doesn't ever want to go out to the pub and would rather stay in and watch the television all of the time. Before I met him I was out every weekend clubbing, but because he doesn't like clubs he won't go out with me even though I go to watch things that he wants at the pictures and do things at the weekends that he wants to do rather than what I want to do and makes it difficult for me if I try and suggest new things. Two of my what I would call close friends have both said that I should finish it, but I love him so much and just don't know if we need to go see a counsellor, or I have to sit him down and tell him that i'm unhappy. Thing is he won't change, and it's almost like he hasn't got a backbone doesn't have an opinion and just keeps plodding on with his life and is bringing me down with him - help!
2006-11-13 03:26:08 · 14 answers · asked by Laracroft81 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Have you discussed these issues with him? Does he know how seriously this is affecting your relationship and your opinion of him? Before you think about finishing it or anything like that, you really need to talk to him about the way you feel. I know its hard because you love him and don't want to hurt his feelings but it needs to be done. Tell him what you have wrote here. If he loves you too, he will make an effort to change and compromise. It sounds to me like you have tried to compromise already by watching TV with him and staying in. A relationship is about sharing each others interests and this means sometimes doing things we'd rather not for the sake of the other person's happiness. He needs to realise this and think about your happiness for a change. If he doesn't change, then you might have to think about reviewing your future with this man. Look at the long term, could you live with this forever? Good luck.
2006-11-13 03:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let's forget about him for a moment.
What are you willing to sacrifice to be with someone you love? Where do you draw the line- when isn't the relationship worth the struggle for you? What are the top 5 most important things you need to have in a relationship and are not willing to compromise on when entering a relationship? What are the 5 things you would like from a mate, but are willing to compromise on?
I notice you said some interesting things about your current mate. At what point do his flaws and tendencies lead you to a place where he is not adding to your life? Everyone has flaws- we all know no one is perfect. One of the keys to any relationship is compromise, however there are things you should feel you don't have give up on just to be with someone. Life isn't a one way street. Is he taking the relationship for granted? You love him but he isn't a loving person? Take him out of the equation and look at YOUR life and decide what YOU want it to be. If each of you are not supporting the other in their life's journey, then where is the joy in the relationship coming from? You probably already know the answers to these questions- you need to reach a place where you can be ok with those answers. Let him know you want to talk with him about your relationship. Take some time to find the words and have a serious conversation with him about how you feel. Maybe you both can grow and change together. Maybe things will resolve in a different way. Either way, it's a great time for you to reassess what you both are wanting out of the relationship.
2006-11-13 12:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by songbird22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't stay in a relationship I wasn't happy but you two definitely need to talk . You don't have to share every interest ( each need separate interest as well ) , but you do need some common ground... try having both of you make a list of things you like about the other. and a list of thing that could be different . Sometimes writing is easier if they have a problem expressing themselves verbally. then you could talk about the list . and decide where you both would like this relationship to go or to end . He may not know how to change. He may not have had an example of showing affection from his childhood. I am dealing with that in my marriage but my husband is coming around. I just have to nudge him and tell him what I need. He loves me just doesn't know how to express love . this might be part of your boyfriends problems , I don't know . Talk Write which ever works but definitely open communication and make your decision after-wards.
2006-11-13 11:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by Cyndee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok that is sooooo creepy! What you just wrote is basically exactly how I felt in my last relationship, which I ended 2weeks ago, yesterday. I was stuck in a rut too, to frightened to leave because Id built my life around him. Everything we did was to please him, and my opinion counted for nothing. I was miserable for the last year of our relationship, but I blamed myself (and he blamed me for my own bad moods). When the reality was that we had drifted apart to much to continue our relationship. I cared (care) for him deeply but I know he will never change, hes happy to lie around watching tv, and never doing anything more exciting...well unless its with his friends.....I wanted more out of life and I realised that if I stayed with him Id have a very unhappy, lonely life... It was the hardest thing Id ever done, but ultimately the best decision ever... Its only been two week but Im already feels alot better and can see a happy future for myself.
I know its hard, but some relationship, despite our best effords but fail, its no ones fault, but you cant say in this relationship, you said it your self, he wont change, are you willing to live your life being unhappy??? Wouldnt you rather be out there with someone you can have fun with....??
Good luck in whatever you decide to do....but believe me, HE WONT CHANGE!!!
2006-11-13 11:39:46 · answer #4 · answered by Sadbh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was wondering what I was going to say to you until I got to the part where you said that he is bringing you down. To me that means that you and him needs to get together and find out what he wants to do and you let him know what you are going to do. You do not need to be in a relationship where someone is bringing you down! And if you are not happy, I would move on! I believe that you out -grew him! Are you and him similar in age?
2006-11-13 11:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Child of God 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he might feel just as stuck as you, or maybe even depressed. I think you need to sit him down and explain things to him. this will tell you two things. If he gets animated not cross but passionate about his side of the argument then he still cares, if he just sits there and takes it he dose not care and is just with you coz its easy. look into your heart you could be with this guy for decades and by the time you want to change your life it will be too late. don't let life pass you by XX
2006-11-13 11:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by Robakai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask your self what it is that you love about because to me doesn't sound like there is much there going from what you have said... sit down and write up 2 lists one stating what you love about him and things you enjoy doing with him and then another stating what you dislike and what annoys you about him and see which one out weighs the other then maybe take them to him see if you can shock some life back in to him but to me sound like your in this relationship because it is comfortable and convenient
2006-11-13 11:36:52 · answer #7 · answered by dunkinme 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two things: 1)You said "I love him so much". 2) He is not doing things behind your back. He is just not doing things that pleases you. So, I'd defenitely talk and try to accomodate him as much as possible unless it is totally impossible for you to do things that he likes. But, hey , you have spent 3 years. By now you would have known if he is into something totally impossible. So whatever it is, try to work it out. It is very easy to say quits.
2006-11-13 11:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by peter 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, talk to him, explain how you feel, and how important it is for you to be out and doing stuff, find out if there is some common ground or compromise. Do you know why he is like that, has he always been like that? I believe relationships should be about enriching each others' lives. If you feel that he cannot or will not compromise then I suspect it might be time to move on.
2006-11-13 11:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by teary chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you never stay with a man to change him...you say you love him...if you do you will accept him as he is..true love is not about change...its about being solid together and looking out for you and yours...you knew he did not like clubbing to begin with so accept the man u say u love as he is or admit u don't love him in which case you leave...love conquers all bounderies...warts and all as the saying goes
2006-11-13 11:34:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋